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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

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Wednesday
Dec292004

I don't want to say anything, but God gives the crappiest Christmas gifts.

Well, you know, I was going to deck my post-Christmas blog entry with complaints but as it seems that thousands upon thousands of people are currently either dead or dying or merely enduring a tragedy of mind-boggling proportions, it feels wrong somehow.

But I will tell you about my Christmas present from our dog Charlie. Was it vomiting all over the backseat of my dad’s new car? No, that was his Christmas Eve gift. Charlie is nothing if not generous. Charlie’s Christmas gift was the gift of poop. All over his body. Yes, so filled with the Christmas spirit was Charlie that he elected to cavort in poop and then enter my parents’ home all proud and jaunty in his freshly browned fur.

He was less proud and decidedly less jaunty when we threw him in the bathtub and covered him in almost every solvent my mother had under her sink. (We spared him the Ajax.)

Other than that, wow, I’m speechless. Is it the apocalypse already? I had assumed we would be given maybe a few more decades.

To distract yourself from all the pipin’ fresh horror, I recommend a trip to your local bookstore to pick up a copy of Fence Magazine, Fall/Winter 2004/5, in which my story “The Panty Thief” appears. (And if that title doesn’t get you off your couch I don’t know what will.) This is not the first time my fiction has been published, but it is the first time I’ve been paid for my made-upperies, so I want to encourage everyone and anyone I know to buy a copy and reward Fence for their niceness. It’s a good magazine, really, and chock full of quality. But mostly you should read it for me. So go. Now. You heard me. I thank you.

Reader Comments (14)

I'll walk down to Barnes and Noble when my battery dies and look for it. Congrats on the paying gig! I'm jealous and happy for you.
December 29, 2004 | Unregistered CommenterPhilip
Isn't the first time you get paid just fabulous? Amazingly fabulous? Jump-up-and-scream-with-delight-and-trip-over-your-own-feet-in-giddy-happiness-for-the-next-three-days fabulous?

Well, it was for me, at least.

'Course, that was nonfiction. I have yet to find a piece of my fiction that I like enough to submit, never mind have accepted. By anywhere.

Many congratulations!
December 29, 2004 | Unregistered CommenterTeal Toast
Well... God gave us a stomach bug. Daughter then Father then Mother then Grandmother then Grandfather all had a hurling-ly great Christmas, including two extended interludes of car vomiting (at least the car was a rental.)
December 29, 2004 | Unregistered Commenterrobb
Yes, I will go get it tomorrow. Can't wait to read it. Congratulations!! Sorry about Charlie. Hey, there's always Happy New Year!

December 29, 2004 | Unregistered CommenterCarol
Why is it that dogs are always so jaunty when they smell bad? "Hey! Hey, lookee me! I'm covered with poop! Pet me!"

Many congrats on being published!
December 29, 2004 | Unregistered CommenterJenn
happy to see you're back in action. congrats on getting paid. in my opinion you should be paid for writing every day.
December 30, 2004 | Unregistered Commenterhonestyrain
Thanks for your great blog posts this year. I've really enjoyed them!

I hope 2005 is a great year for you and your family.

L x
December 31, 2004 | Unregistered CommenterLoody
Just stopping by to also say thanks for all the great posts this year. Happy New Year!
December 31, 2004 | Unregistered CommenterTerri
Congratulations, how does that feel??

Have a safe and happy New Year day (poop and vomit free)
January 1, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJuJuBee
Look who's a finalist!
January 2, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBoB
Paid for writing about panty thievery Alice, you're living in a dream.

(Congrats!)
January 2, 2005 | Unregistered CommentermelissaS
wow, fence! that's, like, all snazzy and shit! my husband had a poem published by them a ways back, and it seemed like quite the big deal or something...so congrats, lady!
January 2, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersweetney
Congrats on the publication - very cool!
January 3, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterThe Zero Boss
I never cashed the first check I ever got for my writing. I want to frame it. Congratulations and may it be the first of many!!
January 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterShari

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