Don’t rub me like a Jedi knight.
February 16, 2005The above is a statement uttered by Henry. I was going to provide the anecdote that would put it in context, but the hell with it. You might think you can figure out why he would say such a thing but you won’t be able to figure it out. Henry is an enigma wrapped in a riddle, side-by-side with a conundrum, across the way from a bugaboo.
In other news, my son is covered in rashes. This is not new. For lo these many months he has been bedecked with eczema and bespeckled with hives. As he himself put it, he is "itchy, itchy Ichabod." I haven’t done much about it because—well, I blame the liquor. Whoops! Actually I am sober 89% of the time, and we’ve done everything we can to figure out what the problem is, and everyone’s conclusion is that there’s no real problem. Except he’s all scratchy and hive-y. The hives bloom and then fade of their own twisted accord, with no apparent connection to anything he’s eaten or done or said or thought. One doctor posited that it might be a reaction to our wool rug, so we no longer let him lounge pantsless on said rug. We apply medicinal salves and unguents on a regular basis, and we dose him with Benadryl. Our detergents are everything-free. No longer do we enjoy bubbles in our bath—instead we add soothing but decidedly un-festive baking soda, or as Henry calls it, “baby soda.” After the bath, instead of rubbing him like a Jedi knight, we pat him softly like a Sith lord.
Then he spent the weekend with my in-laws, and returned with smooth, rash-free skin for the first time in, oh, since he was born. My in-laws denied doing anything special for him. So the only reasonable conclusion is that his skin benefited from their lack of squalor. That a weekend in the suburbs meant a blessed reprieve from the dust mites and chiggers that usually gnaw on his infant flesh as he slumbers. In other words, we live in filth. Which I guess means I should vacuum or clean or whatever, but I’m so tired! And self-absorbed! Oh—and drunk.
Reader Comments (62)
Oh and then I was gonna say I like Melissas suggestion of licking him.
'you aint funny sister!'? Come on.
I believe, dear blogger, that you have just made me wet myself. And all the furniture under my wet self. My wet, still laughing, self.
Expect to receive a dry-cleaning bill forthwith.
Do you have a cat? Our kiddo has eczema and someone told us that it almost always goes with cat allergies. Not sure what we're going to do about it besides not getting another cat when this one dies.
Just cause, you know, you probably weren't getting enough unsolicited advice and information. It is highly entertaining to read, though. Who knew so many commenters (and a leftover troll!) would be attracted by talk of skin conditions? Maybe someone could start a Skin Condition Forum? Maybe someone already has?
I really liked the sith lord comment too.
It is reassuring that it goes away when at the in-laws, because now you can start experimenting. Someone above mentioned humidity, and I'd start there too. Extensive vacuuming would be my next test. I'm sorry to say that, honest I am. However, vacuuming can be very satisfying--making a lot of noise, a lot of ruckus, beating about the baseboards with a heavy metal weapon.
It's $34 for a meensy tube and it's worth every penny.
Alas, she is only 4 yr old girl-itchy and is neither Sith-Lord nor Itchy Itchy Ichabod itchy.
If none of these personally tested suggestions your devoted readership has offered works out? I'd definitely go with licking. At least until I had blisters on my tongue.
Thanks for the excellent laughs--you rock.
Best of luck with that itch!