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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Croup! | Main | Note to my neighbors: What you heard through the pipes in your bathroom was not what you thought you heard. »


Henry has recently discovered that nothing is funnier than the nonsense words. And using them constantly, to the exclusion of any other words that might render communication easy or even possible, is the absolute pinnacle of hilarity. In a matter of weeks this child’s every sentence, especially when he’s feeling jovial, is a barrage of whimsical coinages. Wackiest of all is, of course, any neologism that has POOP in it or rhymes with POOP or, hell, just is POOP—okay, so it’s not a new word, but it’s POOP, people! It’s comedy gold!

So: Hey, Henry, what do you want for lunch? “Poop shloopy! Poopy shloopers! I want BLOOT SMOOT with POOP!” Very good. Want to go to the park? “No, I will BOOFA to the POOF. I want to SPOOF to the LOOFA. And MEPAP. Luffa spuffa. Borf!” And oh, how we laugh. Truly, he is a gifted comedian.

Although this can get old real fast, it can also come in handy, like when we went to the doctor again today because the rash went away but then it came back and I’m trying not to think about bedbugs please god don’t let it be that. We were ushered from the waiting room, with its toys and books and overall fun-time atmosphere, into a cold and dull exam room, where we waited for approximately twelve hours, and yet Henry managed to entertain himself the entire time with his wordplay.

Between his fits of verbal tomfoolery he quizzed me on what exactly was happening. Here he was, stripped down to his altogether, waiting on a paper-covered bench for—what, exactly? “What’s the doctor gonna do?” he demanded to know.

“She’s going to look at your rash and say, ‘What a beautiful boy,’” I said. Not adding, “Except for that grotesque rash covering your arms and legs.”

So when the doctor came in, he gave her a minute to look him over and then he commanded, “Say ‘What a beautiful boy.’” Which she did, because she’s no fool, and he beamed and said, “Now say, ‘What a poopy fooper! SAY IT.”

Then the doctor handed me the name of a dermatologist while I begged her to tell me it wasn’t bedbugs and Henry held his hands to his ears and shouted “I can hear me in my head!” He may be suffering, but still he entertains.

ALSO: You may notice that I now have Google ads on my site. I said I would never do it, and then I did it. According to Google, so far I've made $0.00. So please--won't you click? I want those half-pennies to start coming my way! And you want me to post more, don't you? Don't you? Hello? Anyone?

Reader Comments (46)

I read this post aloud to a friend over the phone, and we both ended up in stitches. It also spawned an interesting idea...blogs on tape?!?!?!
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather R.
LOL..poopy fooper. Clicking right now..
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterkat
I am looking so very forward to teaching my brand new niece about poopy foofers. (Actually, she'll probably think it's related to the cat, because he foofs his tail and ... well, anyway.)

Have you exposed Henry to ubby dubby language (from Zoom) yet? Or even Mushmouth from Fat Albert? THABAT'S gonba beba funba.

Clickity clickity clop. Write some more -- a lot!
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered Commentergrandefille
What a hoot! My resident hellions provided buckets of entertainment just this morning in the same vein. Here's what I heard:

"He needs some flooky! Give the dinosaur some flooky!"

"Okay, here's your flooky, flook."

Dying of curiosity, I inquired as to what "flooky" was.

"Dinosaur food," they told me.

Proving that my curiosity (and stupidity) know no bounds, I asked what "flooky" was made up of.

"Giraffe stinkers," they answered smirkingly.

I shouldn't have gone there--but I couldn't resist.

I figure I'm allotted at least a dozen stupid questions a day, so it was okay in my book.

Flooky, flook.

April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPlanet Mom
I clicked. But only because I happen to be FOR Fair Trade for Africa. If it was one of those creepy buggy links you would've been on your own.

Althoug I am not entirely certain you people should be allowed to buy any more Lucasian merchandise. What is R2D2 doing? Breaking their little plastic legs?
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia S
Quit posting so much.
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Kennedy
I think I love this site more every time I read it.
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered Commentervictoria
i absolutely love funny t-shirts! CLICKITY CLICK!
April 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersquara
I only get public service ads. Do those work for the total, I wonder?
April 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterZach
I think if my son wasn't asleep I would still be cracking up about the "now say what a poopy flooper! SAY IT!" comment.hee hee hee hee. I can't wait until my son starts talking. I clicked too, by the way.
April 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMichele
no one clicks on anyone's google ads and i think that we should click on one another's google ads because that would just be smart. i am going to click on ours and when i am done you will be precisely 1/100th of a penny richer. the house in the hills with a swimming pool and man servant are yours for the asking. after i click. not before. wait til after i click bercause otherwise your financing will fall through.
April 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterhonestyrain
Clickity, click, click, click. I liked the Baby Carrier ads. I might order the sheepskin, natural wool sleeper. Ya never know when you might need it in Texas.

Your new pic is adorable. What a cutie!

I have earned a total of $2.11 from my google ads....since January. Go, google.

April 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterjody2ms
I will click. Just because it's you.

Nonsense words are fun and are not reserved only for toddlers. I came up with vant all on my own. I had meant to say vent and rant and it came out that way. I like it.

I also like to shout out BIRD! or SQUIRREL! Whenever I see a bird or a squirrel (just in case you thought it was just random words. Because that would be crazy). drives my roommate nuts. It's fun. And I'm 38.
April 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDM
I like "I can hear me in my head". That cracked me up.
April 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterNever Mind
Hey Alice, I found your next birthday present by clicking on one of your Google ads! Don't click on the following link if you want it to be a surprise....
April 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterS-Way
click. &click. wow, crazy frog ringtones. actually there are ads for those all over the tee-vee &radio here at the moment &it makes me want to scream. somehow i spot a flaw in my clicking plan.
April 8, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterhannah
i am SOOO with you on this one. i have a 3 y/o daughter who is all about the nonsense words right now. she'll grab a piece of paper, fold it in half and call it her singing book. she then proceeds to stand on her step stool and sing 'songs' out of it, which are strings of random words/sounds that are only being uttered on earth for the first time, set to music.
April 8, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterelaine
I think "Poop Shloopy" may also be one of them Seuss books or I think it may have been a song in The Music Man.
April 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterThe Macek Collective
April 8, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather R.
wow, your stuff is funny, considering its about your son. Good Luck with everything!
April 18, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterrhea
I clicked, I swear!
September 15, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterWow Gold

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