Henry has recently discovered that nothing is funnier than the nonsense words. And using them constantly, to the exclusion of any other words that might render communication easy or even possible, is the absolute pinnacle of hilarity. In a matter of weeks this child’s every sentence, especially when he’s feeling jovial, is a barrage of whimsical coinages. Wackiest of all is, of course, any neologism that has POOP in it or rhymes with POOP or, hell, just is POOP—okay, so it’s not a new word, but it’s POOP, people! It’s comedy gold!
So: Hey, Henry, what do you want for lunch? “Poop shloopy! Poopy shloopers! I want BLOOT SMOOT with POOP!” Very good. Want to go to the park? “No, I will BOOFA to the POOF. I want to SPOOF to the LOOFA. And MEPAP. Luffa spuffa. Borf!” And oh, how we laugh. Truly, he is a gifted comedian.
Although this can get old real fast, it can also come in handy, like when we went to the doctor again today because the rash went away but then it came back and I’m trying not to think about bedbugs please god don’t let it be that. We were ushered from the waiting room, with its toys and books and overall fun-time atmosphere, into a cold and dull exam room, where we waited for approximately twelve hours, and yet Henry managed to entertain himself the entire time with his wordplay.
Between his fits of verbal tomfoolery he quizzed me on what exactly was happening. Here he was, stripped down to his altogether, waiting on a paper-covered bench for—what, exactly? “What’s the doctor gonna do?” he demanded to know.
“She’s going to look at your rash and say, ‘What a beautiful boy,’” I said. Not adding, “Except for that grotesque rash covering your arms and legs.”
So when the doctor came in, he gave her a minute to look him over and then he commanded, “Say ‘What a beautiful boy.’” Which she did, because she’s no fool, and he beamed and said, “Now say, ‘What a poopy fooper! SAY IT.”
Then the doctor handed me the name of a dermatologist while I begged her to tell me it wasn’t bedbugs and Henry held his hands to his ears and shouted “I can hear me in my head!” He may be suffering, but still he entertains.
ALSO: You may notice that I now have Google ads on my site. I said I would never do it, and then I did it. According to Google, so far I've made $0.00. So please--won't you click? I want those half-pennies to start coming my way! And you want me to post more, don't you? Don't you? Hello? Anyone?