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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« The lie. | Main | Now with pictures! »
Thursday
Jan252007

Forgive me. Please.

I had no idea that you all had such passionate opinions about the appropriate serving size of bacon.

I could write about how I think child beating is underrated, and I don't think I would receive as many strongly worded emails and comments. HOW COULD YOU EAT ONLY TWO PIECES OF BACON, so many of you want to know. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US.

It was a mistake! A terrible mistake. I was trying to be, of all things, virtuous. Trying to enjoy my hedonistic breakfast in sensible moderation. I was a fool.

I should have consumed the entire package. Then I should have run shrieking to a nearby pig farm, if such a thing exists in this New Jersey, and sunk my teeth into the first pig haunch I could find. I see that now. And I'm sorry. I only hope it's not too late for us.

I am going into the city today to meet my good friend Melissa. Tonight I sleep in her hotel bed. There will, I imagine, be spooning (fingers crossed!). Tomorrow I'll be accompanying her to the Today show, where she will tell the world on live television that she drinks on playdates. I couldn’t be more proud. Unless I can get her drunk enough tonight that she's still drunk on the air tomorrow, drunk enough that she sits on Meredith Viera's lap and plays with her hair. Then my life will have been worth something.

Reader Comments (34)

So you will play 'george clooney' to Melissa's 'danny devito'?

Rock it!
January 25, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterangela marie
See, I think two pieces of bacon is perfect. Only I dip it in maple syrup. And butter. And *then* it's perfect.
January 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDaphne
As much as I love bacon, I was more interested in the yummy French Toast, to be honest. How many pieces of THAT did you eat? Huh? Huh?

Thanks for the reminder about Melissa, I've got the Today show set on the DVR.
January 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth
Are you going to take pictures of the spooning? Maybe you could sell them for charity "Hot Bloggin' Mamas Gettin' It ON!" or something. Man, I'm drowsy and it's making me giddy. And, for the record, 2 big pieces of bacon is an appropriate serving size for me.
January 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie
I don't know if it's common knowledge, but I just discovered baking bacon with brown sugar. I DARE you to only eat 2!!
January 26, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBacon suggestion
Will you order bacon through room service? Have fun!
January 26, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterPatty
1, i love the color of your table in photos below

2, i love that you drink orange juice out of a glass with a stem

3, i hate french toast but i want that french toast

4, two pieces of bacon look lonely but i respect your self restraint

5, is it too late to ask that melissa smack meredith viera for me?



January 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterhonestyrain
In my house adults get two pieces of bacon, and children get one. And I'm _so_ not the Babywise, Lisa Welchel, Rules Girl type parents that makes me sound like. Really.
January 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMomVee
Only 2 pieces of bacon? That's should be illegal. Hope you had a great time!!!
January 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

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