All my dreams have come true!

My son and I are watching Go, Diego, Go! Because it's just too much work to thrust this fireplace poker deep into my ear canal. My arms aren't long enough, damn it.

We saved the baby jaguar! Say it louder! Excellente!

Yesterday my boy had his five-year checkup, at the sinkhole of bacteria-coated furnishings and toys that some call "the doctor's office." Henry made sure to handle each and every board book, some of them downright soggy with god knows what, as I followed him around squirting him with Purell. Then the doctor was ready to manhandle him with his germy paws. And poke him with his virus-laden instruments.

Before we left, Henry crawled across the floor, licking it. I thought that was a bit much.

We call this foreshadowing!

So hi, today we're home with a lovely ailment. By "we" I mean "he" because I'm always here. By "lovely" I mean the hacking-cough, high-fever, aches-throughout-body kind of malaise. Henry is limping and sighing and clutching his stomach ominously. I'm calmly pushing a bucket in his direction, in case things take a turn for the volcanic. Fun times!

Luckily, as I have learned from Hasbro's newest toy for girls, it's everything I could have dreamed. See what I mean in today's Wonderland. We call this advertising!

Comments

[Stewbie]

God, I know Diego all too well...and it's NOT the tanned-cabana-boy "Diego" that we all dream about.

Hope the boy feels better soon...

[rimarama]

At least he doesn't have lice. We had colds, a puking illness, and lice scare all wrapped up in one nice little package last week.

[babelbabe]

and have you noticed how much FUN small children consider the biohazard container?

[elise]

Ugh, the doctor's office. I STILL try (and fail, obviously) to hold my breath the whole time I'm in there.

It's like you can actually, tangibly, smell the sickness.

[Laura]

Wow, is the post going to haunt me once I have some youngins of my own.

[slouching mom]

The group of pediatricians my kids see has canceled all check-ups that would have fallen between November 1 and April 1. They're trying to spare kids from picking up flu (or worse -- MRSA, anyone?). I'm all for it.

[jennifer Kashak]

This cracks me up, because on my blog, sometime back in August I wrote about taking my then 9 mo. old son to the doctor's office. At that point, I was a germ-a-phobe. Now, I have happily succumbed - the germs win - I give! My son is home puking as we speak! I'll probably write my next post about it.

[binkytown]

Oh dear. I always book Ped appointments as far in advance as I can and always first thing on a Monday morning so as to let the germs from the previous week die before we get there. I hope using that bucket to clean dirty floors is the worst thing you have to survive this weekend!

[DM]

I guess I shouldn't complain about only having to watch Diego twice in one day on a visit from the nephew, huh? I am sensing that you must endure him much more often. And now that Henry's sick, just think, more Diego! Yay!

I kind of miss Mr. Rogers and his slightly creepy sweater.

[Nicki]

Oh, come on, Diego's not so bad. At least he's not making you watch Caillou.

[patois]

I'd take Diego and Caillou -- and even throw in a Joe-laden Blue's Clues for God's sake -- if I could have skipped ever watching Teletubbies when my girlie was younger.

[superblondgirl]

Ugh, that Diego. He and Dora should be dragged out into the street, beaten, and then shot. The excellente! fake Spanish and the obnoxious repetition repetition repetition kill me.

[Lisa {milkshake}]

Ugh. Diego and the equally gross Dora. Have you seen the commercial for the new Dora movie where she's first a princess and then turns into a mermaid?! Of course! A natural progression!

That "dream house" is everything I'm trying to keep my daughter away from. Thank goodness she doesn't watch commercials yet!

[jenB]

Not to be a killjoy, but perhaps they wash the toys and that is why they are damp? I know the day care at my gym does. I guess it doesn't matter anyhow since he is sick. Probably the doctor. Fucker.

[Becky]

I hate two things (well, really, more than that), both of which you mentioned here:

1. Diego makes me want to die. Quickly.

2. Taking either of my children to the doctor. I try to go and sit outside while we wait, which doesn't help much, but hey, I feel like it should, and I suppose that's what matters.

[allison]

If it helps with the vomit, bucket and trying to get the two to match up, we told our 4 year old that we'd give her 2 bucks every time she made it in. She's never spewed in the floor since, and we're in debt to her something like, $4732 (she tends towards car-sickness).

[Chris]

Yeah, I vote for lice being the thing that almost sent me over the edge. I had a very slight bout of cancer 7 years ago that involved several surgeries, and I told my husband that the lice experience was WORSE. And one year later, I still feel that way.

[anne nahm]

Ugh. I am 1 successes outa 2 chances for the game we call, "catch puke in a bucket" over here. There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean again.

[Mrs. Kennedy]

Did he by chance get any shots, or are they going to wait until next year to poke him full of medical advances?

[All Adither]

I force my children to wear leather gloves and moon boots, with bandanas wrapped around their mouths and noses when we go to the doctor.

[All Adither]

Hey! There's nothing creepy about Mr. Rogers. Nothing.

[Sue]

I'll take Diego over Gabba Yo Yo any damn day of the week.

I hate taking my kid to the doctor, sure fire way to end up with strep. Or cooties.

[alice]

Mrs. K, he did get shots, including the Hep A vaccine, which was new for him. I'm betting that's what gave him the fever, because he's actually all better now.

[honestyrain]

it is the time of the sickies. all we can do it bump up our vitamin C intake and hope for the best. also, we can stock up on vodka coolers and wine. not becuase that will keep the sickies at bay but more because it will make coping a lot easier.

[MelissaS]

If it makes you feel better, Six wants to kill Dora and anything related to Dora.

Of course this means Six is a homicidal sociopath. But at least we don't watch Dora or Diego anymore in this house.