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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Alive, barely | Main | My last day with the Kennedys »
Sunday
Nov112007

Where am I? What is that white light?

Because I am taking a red-eye Saturday night back to not-at-all-unlovely Newark, New Jersey, I'm posting this baby in advance. So if my plane crashes into a field somewhere in Nebraska, it will be as if I am writing from beyond my fiery grave. Boooo! BoooooooooooOOOOooooo!

This is not a joke I could make if I were actually posting this publicly before I flew. I can post it as long as I know no one will see it until after I'm safely returned to Earth. (Or not. Barooooo!)

I'm pretty much terrified of flying, but I do it anyway because part of me is calm and rational, even when the other parts are going all wiggy. And spare your old chestnut about how flying is safer than driving, because I'm horrified by cars as well. I'm pretty much scared whenever I am required to move through space. I enjoy standing. Sitting. Perhaps napping.

Ironically, Alice made it safely home, only to meet an untimely end when a dirigible crashed into her bedroom.

I just know it's going to be a dirigible. You heard it here first!

(Boooooooo!)

Reader Comments (21)

EEEK!
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterChookooloonks
Welcome back. Or is that your unquiet spirit?
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbraine
Glad you made it. Or did you?

I couldn't bear the thought of no more finslippy, so Godspeed to ya.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAll Adither
I'm with you. I'm always fearful of flying/driving/taking trains, etc. I may actually be a freak.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBecky
I've long thought that my death would involve a canoe in the middle of the desert somewhere. Everybody would ask, "What? A canoe you say? In the middle of Arizona? Curious. Where did it come from?"

To which the only response will be, "Well, it fell from the sky. Finslippy dropped it during her flight because she always thought it was the most insidious modes of transportation, and she was going to show it what's for."
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterThursday's Child
I once had a flight attendant slip me a Valium because she was tired of my weeping. I'm not a good flyer.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSue
Hope you got home safely!

I just got back from a trip which involved 12 separate flights, on machines ranging from sensibly-sized transatlantic planes, oldish commuter planes.... and a six-seater propeller-plane which was smaller than our old VW Beetle. On this flight my 6ft. 4in husband rode in the co-pilot seat, increasing the probability of our deaths by constanly nudging the controls with his outsized limbs. (Gaaah!)

I hate flying!
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterIngrid
My husband absolutely hates it when I say stuff like that. Which makes me feel even more compelled to say things like:

"Make sure the baby remembers me. Show her the picture of me holding the cat. I like how I look in that picture best. Tell her I had a good sense of humor."

He now rolls his eyes when I stand at the door and say these things. And yet I still feel compelled to yank his chain.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commentercardiogirl
Don't think you can get out of NaBloPoMo by dying. That's totally cheating, dirigible or no dirigible.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTammy
oh, newark NJ. i once walked through downtown NJ with two hundred other people and a bag pipe player. but that's a post for my blog.glad (G-d willing) you're back and safe and sound.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterchristina(peonyshade)
Dirigible! Ha! :D

Glad you made it home safely.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commentervelocibadgergirl
Bill Cosby once revealed his brilliant strategy of surviving a plane crash. He said "Wait till the plane is six inches from the ground and then jump UP"Every time I board a plane I have to stifle another Cosby quote: "Hope the plane don't crash" (said loudly)
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterwitchypoo
I had to look up "dirigible." Thanks for the vocabulary word! My brain just grew a little. Just a bit.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermary
I hate flying so much I have to get a prescription chill pill to fly and I still clutch the arm rests.
November 11, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAnne
I'm glad I'm not the only one neurotically fearful of moving vehicles. I hate being in a car, especially one that I'm driving. Hurling yourself across concrete in a metal box at 80 miles an hour just doesn't feel like a logical thing to do.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRobin
I love the word "dirigible", and posting beyond the grave would be just too cool, if it didn't mean you had to die first (which is less than cool).
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersuperblondgirl
Oh, man. Death by renegade dirigible would be awesome, and you know it. Admit it. ADMIT IT!
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterYou can call me, 'Sir'
Moving? Who needs to do that? I feel much safer moving through my computer. Moving in cars, trains, and planes? Aaaaaah! I find them scary, too, but do it anyway out of necessity. I also contemplate my death just prior to taking the ride. If teleporters were real, I'm sure I'd be scared of those, too. I like my body parts exactly where they are.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterNoMasNinos
I don't mind traveling by car, but I really don't like to fly. I recently had to fly to Chicago for work, and I dreaded it--I think it's something about the lack of control in the air (because I am, if nothing else, a control freak--just ask my hubby). And maybe also something about being really, really high up, where if something goes wrong, the only option is to go down very, very fast. But I think my biggest concern is worrying about what my family would do if something happened to me. If something tragic were to happen, I'd feel much better if we were all together. So I could be in charge of our response to the situation right through to the end. (sick, I tell you. SICK.)

Glad you made it back okay! And YAY for kisses & cuddles with your child after an absence. I could not let my son out of my reach for a few days after I got home, at least until I realized that he hadn't magically given up temper tantrums in appreciation for my return. Ah, the glories of 2 going on 3.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTara
One of the reasons (and there are many of them, some of which are even less rational than what I'm saying in this comment) I don't drive is the fear of having to be in control of a gigantic steel 2 ton thing. I know myself. I get distracted by paper clips. What if a bee flys by? What if there's a cute guy? You know I'm going to take out everyone.

And, when flying to Portugal to meet the Lioness, I made my best friend hold my hand during the take off. Once the plane is actually moving, I can pretend I'm perfectly still.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDM
I used to get through takeoff by reciting the Hail Mary prayer until the plane leveled off (lather, rinse, repeat during any turbulence). (Note: I am not even Catholic anymore. The Virgin Mary is probably all "whatev, Protestant.") Now I take two Xanax. If the plane crashed while I had two Xanax in my system, my only reaction would be mild interest.
November 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commentershoppista

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