Just trying to be hip to the vernacular, is all.

Scott and I were watching 30 Rock last night. I had a deadline, so of course I was watching TV. For inspiration!

TV: (Unintelligible remark out of Tracy Morgan's mouth)

Me: What did he say she lit on fire in the bathtub?

Scott: His … stinkers.

Me: Ah. (Chuckle.)

Me (internal monologue): Stinkers? Does he mean testicles? Are they calling them "stinkers" now? I like how I'm all "ho, ho!" about it when I have no idea what that means. And anyway how would she light them on fire if he was in the bath? Or maybe "stinkers" means his feet? Same problem, though, with the water thing. Except maybe his feet were hanging out of the tub? I just feel certain he meant testicles, I mean we all know that balls are worthy comedy material, but feet, not so much, unless you're five, I think Henry would get a kick out of calling his feet stinkers, but then again he'd get a bigger kick out of calling his testicles stinkers. Maybe calling testicles stinkers is a black thing? Is this a black joke I'm not getting?)

Scott: Oh, wait, he said sneakers.

Me: Oh, of course. (Pause.) What show are we watching, again?

P.S.: Wonderland column up today. See how much I do for you.

Comments

[stephanie]

hahahahahaha. I struggle with this, too.

[angelawd]

Ha! I have that same internal monologue. But when I do finally learn some slang word, I'm eternally banned from ever using it in front of my teens. Somehow when the word escapes my mouth it becomes terminally unhip and must be removed from vernacular immediately.

I used to be cool.

[Pete Dunn]

Best line from that episode:

"I thought you made love like an ugly girl... so present... so grateful"

Runner up:

"Tell her she has some tig ole bitties!"

[angelawd]

Ha! I have that same internal monologue. But when I do finally learn some slang word, I'm eternally banned from ever using it in front of my teens. Somehow when the word escapes my mouth it becomes terminally unhip and must be removed from vernacular immediately.

I used to be cool.

[Pete Dunn]

Best line from that episode:

"I thought you made love like an ugly girl... so present... so grateful"

Runner up:

"Tell her she has some tig ole bitties!"

[Allison]

My thought while reading this: "stinkers are obviously farts, because it makes total sense to light your farts on fire in the bathtub"

[Cam]

It was sneakers- a reference to Lisa "Left Eye" Lopez from TLC when she burned down her boyfriend's mansion back in the 90's. That's how she started the fire.

[Sarah]

Cute! Love reading your blog.

I was just reading Dear Parent, the post on Diva's. Have you seen that blog yet?

http://dearparent.blogspot.com

I'm trying to figure out if it is a man or woman writing it! Lol.

Sarah

[Amy]

Hahahahaha! I thought farts too.

I still don't get it.

[Lori]

stinkers = farts

[witchypoo]

Stinkers, farts, it follows.I couldn't wait to see somebody lighting their farts.Btw, it was awesome! The flame was blue ;)

[jozet at Halushki]

Stinkers? I would have thought "lighting farts". I'm so literal. And odd. But in a good way.

[alice]

It wasn't stinkers, people. Not stinkers.

[Joe]

Sucks when you've got to explain it.

[S-Way]

Alice, the gentle correction you made there just made me laugh out loud. He said SNEAKERS, people.

Also, 30 Rock is the best and funniest show ever ever. "Of course, your hair is your head suit."

[mathew]

allison and i are on the same wavelength, stinkers or sneakers.

[anon]

dear alice, did you know one of the writers on 30 rock shares your alma mater?

I think maybe it is a school that makes funny people.

[DM]

I've not watched this show. I am a total fan of The Big Bang Theory. AND I can understand everything they say. Well, okay, I can hear what they say, I don't always comprehend it because it is a show about MIT genius people and I am not a genius. I like to think I'm an evil genius but really, it's more like an evil dork.

[raych]

I also thought 'farts' when I heard 'stinkers' and 'lit on fire.' But the testicles argument made sense to me, too. Basically, what I do in these situations is laugh, but not too hard, and then skulk off to my computer so I can check the Urban Dictionary and see what I missed. I'm 25, and already lame.

[Deb Abramson]

Wait, but if he did say "sneakers," the question remains: how do those get lit on fire in a bath tub? Or was it a bath tub with no water in it? And what were they doing in the bath tub, empty or full, in the first place?

This is like those elaborate riddles where there's a midget found dead in an empty room with a squirrel in his pocket and a guitar up his ass, or some such, and you have to figure out what happened.

[Mrs. Who]

Well, at least one of you heard what they said. Half the time, my husband and I look at each other and say "Whaaaaat did they say?"

We are so old.

And I CANNOT get into 30 Rock. Am I the only person in the universe?

[jennifer Kashak]

Ha! I always wonder why I watch tv, when I forget what I'm watching as my husband is fast forwarding through commercials!

[Strizz]

Wasn't there also an ass biting apple reference? Love it.

[Pretty Rambo]

Allison, Amy, and all who followed them are correct. I said "stinkers" meaning farts. Because as Alice will surely tell you, almost anything I say-- personally or professionally-- means farts.

The pause (during which Alice chatted so agreeably with herself) was just long enough for me to do the following mental calculus: why would that would be a vengeful thing for a wife to do do? Why in the bathtub? Is there water in the tub? 30 Rock is awesome. Do I need to fart right now? I can't remember ever not needing to, so I must. Oh, man, Alice would be so pissed if I did-- she might light my...SNEAKERS! It's sneakers.

Actually, that's pretty much every night I described there.

[cagey]

Personally, I enjoyed hearing Carmela, er, Edie Falco, utter the words "Tennessee sorority girl".

Admittedly, I giggled more than a little bit when Jack said "After all, your hair is your head suit."