This one's for you, YOUMAKEMESICK.

I try not to engage the trolls, but the latest rash of negativity is getting me down. Historically, when I am bummed out by my blog, I avoid it for a few days, but as you may know, that is no longer an option for me. I am committed, people.

Apparently I have angered some people with my "donate" button. (And I agree with the comments that "donate" is a misleading term, and implies that I need a kidney. I mean, I would love an extra kidney, just as a backup, but need is overstating the matter. I would prefer calling it "tips" or some such, but the button belongs to PayPal. Maybe I could design my own? This is outside my sphere of knowledge. I am but a humble wordsmith.) (Wow, could that have been a longer aside? I don't think so.) I know that they're angry because they’ve used words like "bitch" and "whore," and people don't generally call you these things when they're pleased with you.

At first I was amused by the sad people who have nothing better to do than hurl invective at the Internet. But the comments accumulated, and now I'm cranky. Given that donations (tips, contributions, whatever) are strictly optional, that I am demanding exactly nothing but rather providing an opportunity for those who want to contribute to do so, I think the anger directed at the idea of donating is an excuse. An excuse to spit at "stupid mommybloggers" who dare to think that their "useless blogs" (actual quotes, dear readers!) are worth anything. If you have that much contempt for me and my ilk, why are you here? Move along, sir or madam; there's plenty of porn or celebrity gossip out there you could enjoy instead. You know: real content that deserves money.

It can't just be about the idea of donating. To paraphrase my friend Kyran, I doubt that you routinely kick over open guitar cases on the sidewalk, or fling piano-top brandy snifters against the wall.

Although maybe you do. The next time I see someone on the street, punching his hand through a top hat while a mime silently weeps, I'll say hi.

Comments

[MonoCerdo]

Damn it, I'm donating right now just to balance the karma scales. Frankly, I should have signed my estate (uh, hope you like used paperbacks and cat litter!) over to you long ago, such joy your writing brings me. It's like Christmas up in here, only with less themed stemware.

[Julie Stiles Mills]

I'm new to your blog, but I had to delurk to say: Haters are unhappy EVERY SINGLE DAY, EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of their life. It is a natural consequence of hate. The best revenge is to be HAPPY. (The donate button doesn't bother me at all - but I do like the word "Tips" better because it's more accurate.)

[Anne]

I don't believe I've ever commented here before, but I had to jump in and say that I'm tossing something in the "tip jar" now JUST BECAUSE OF THE HATERS. Mean people suck, and you are lovely. So there.

[Kathy]

You have every right to feel cranky. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around the nastiness that has been going around the blogosphere lately. Regarding the tip jar, I wonder how many people realize that owning a domain and renting server space actually costs money. I had put mine on hold because it just wasn't financially possible anymore. (And I don't have enough traffic to justify running ads.)

[RuthWells]

I am terribly afraid that the anger toward the idea of compensating "mommy bloggers" has to do with our society's general lack of respect and value for the job of mommying. The thought processing being something along the lines of "You're just writing about being a mom, which is fundamentally useless (unlike sports or p0rn) -- you don't deserve to make any money from such trivia!" Or something like that. We have a long way yet to go.

[RuthWells]

P.S. Sign me up for the "Donate a Kidney" button once you've developed it! ; )

[ozma]

Damn, I'd work for tips. I'd show my boobs for tips.

Maybe that's not the right kind of comment.

Nothing interests me more than the way blogs prompt envy. It's like: I AM NOT HAPPY. WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? Oh, you said you weren't happy. WELL WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE CARE ABOUT YOUR UNHAPPINESS AND NOT MINE.

A: When it comes to Alice they care because Alice's unhappiness is FUNNY. Um, I mean, you make it funny!

We are all alone in this universe and then we think someone else isn't alone because she has readers who give her money and that makes us mad. That's my explanation, anyway. Your tip jar reminds them of their ultimate insignificance.

[Heather B.]

And here I thought I was the only one being hit by the trolls as of late. I don't understand it. Never have, never will. You're just going about your business and then they are going out of their way to comment or be spiteful all in the name of what?

I hate to be redundant but if you don't like it then don't read it. The end.

Also - and apropos of nothing else - I had a shit of a time on the NJ Turnpike the other day and thought of you.

[sari]

I think that the donate button is a brilliant idea! I recently started reading your blog and love your outlook on life and that you're able to capture it so amusingly (is that a word)? Keep up the great work and for those who don't want to donate - DON'T!

[IrishGoddess]

It is such a crappy commentary that people would bother to write such mean things. I agree with you completely - move on, if you don't like the blog.I blog because I like to keep my friends updated, and I like to blather. Other people (you, for example) happen to have a talent for writing. If I would pay to buy a book you wrote, or for a newspaper or magazine in which you have a column, why the heck shouldn't I donate something for your blog?Don't let them get to you. You are a great writer, and I really enjoy coming here on a regular basis.

[BrooklynGirl]

Oh for pete's sake. Who's being harmed by the button exactly?

I admit that I haven't clicked on the Donate button yet, but given the enjoyment I get out of your writing, I really should and in a fit of holiday generosity perhaps I will.

[Mrs. Wildhair]

I have been a faithful reader for over a year and have never commented, but am delurking to say this: I check your blog once, twice, or maybe even more each day for updates. If someone asked me if you had a 'donate' button, I would have had to stop and think real hard and even then probably would not have answered correctly. That said: people who see the 'donate' button and are offended by it are obviously looking real hard for it, thus leading me to believe that they have absolutely nothing better to do than criticize, hate on, and belittle others. I myself have a blog and can only hope to one day be a writer who is half as good as yourself. I would rather be a blog-whore any day than just a regular old whore in general. Nothing but love.

[Kacy]

I hope you earn lots of money with your donate button. You should because you are funny and smart. I think funny smart people should get paid. Keep on truckin'.

[Me]

Ha! Ozma! Boobs for Tips! That would be awesome. Because I have two and they were tots free when I get here!So you could have a donate button that says "Tits for Tips" and then when people use that particular button, just email them a lovely breastfeeding montage!

:)

[nava]

haha! I didn't even realise you HAD a donate button. geez. who freaking cares?Also, I love your blog. You give me some warning on what to expect in a few years with my kid. I'm looking into earplugs already. ;)

[BlueJeanAmy]

Maybe you should put up a donate button that goes towards a Kicking Idjit Trolls in the Face service. That would be nice.

[Raych]

Well, as the tagline says, the only thing worse than being finslippy is NOT being finslippy (emphasis mine).

[Barbara]

This is why I'm working on a new slogan: "The Internet. The Perfect Playground For People With Boundary Issues."

[violet]

Alice, I'm so sorry. Don't let the trolls get to you. Why they can't put forth their opinion in a less offensive manner is beyond me. In any case, it's your blog and you should do what you want. And if they're that offended, they shouldn't be here.

[peter]

I just sent you $5 b/c you are hilarious and your negative commenters are assholes. You win

[alice]

I totally win, Peter, you're right. Thank you all so much!

[Jace]

[quote]they’ve used words like "bitch" and "whore," and people don't generally call you these things when they're pleased with you.[/quote]

I do, and by gum! it seems to work wonders in those - shall we say - sticky situations.

[schmutzie]

I think I sent you $5, but now I can't remember, so I'll send you another $5 and make you extra whorey.

I have had a "support Schmutzie" link and advertising forever, only I think no one's noticed, so I'm safe (and poor).

People get weird about other people getting paid for doing something they actually enjoy, as though payment should only be meted out when what you are doing sucks the pleasure out of the room.

[Sparkling Red]

I guess the haters don't read very well. They missed the notification of Shamelessness above the Donate button. Shame is a horrible emotional pollutant. The haters are drowning in it. Don't let them pass it on!

[mostcurious]

Leave the button! Imagine the writer of each and every hateful comment suddenly, unexpectedly naked on a busy city street, and laugh at them. Hard.