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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Why I am not a poet. | Main | Adjusting to the suburbs, slowly but surely. »
Friday
Mar092007

What happens.

This is what happens: I start out the week thinking, I'm going to post every day! On my happy happy blog! And all my nice readers will respond and we'll have a great dialogue going and then we'll all get together for s'mores!

You should know that my mind is crammed with exclamation points as well as flights of fancy that end in all of us making s'mores.

Did you all grow up making s'mores with your family? I do not recall making s'mores, ever. Which is odd because my mother has this strange, obsessive love of marshmallows. This is the kind of thing I would bug her about when I was right out of college and had just started therapy. "WHY DIDN'T WE EVER MAKE S'MORES," I would demand in another late-night post-emotional-revelation phone call. "I JUST THINK I WOULD BE HAPPIER IF WE HAD BEEN A S'MORES-MAKING KIND OF FAMILY."

Yes, so. I have all these high hopes for my blog, but then it's one of those weeks—those dreaded weeks when exactly nothing happens. Plus, could it be a more nondescript time of the year? I mean, maybe it's your birthday or it's the day you won that triathlon or the week you fell in love or found your pet possum or I don't know what. For me, anyway, this is pretty much the kind of week where all I can do is hunker down and wait. Especially when it snows--that's just insulting. We're gearing up for spring, and you're going to give us snow? Fuck you. Fuck you, weather. Yeah, you heard me. Fortunately (FOR THE WEATHER), the snow went away, and now we're left with this bitter cold—and oh, crap, I'm talking about the weather. Do you see? Do you see what I have spared you?

So then when my non-posting becomes, like, a thing , a thing in my twisted mind, my imagined readers grow restless, then hostile, and I think, I can't write just any old crap, I have to make it up to them, I have to hit it out of the ballpark, and then I picture my readers growling (you growl, in my mind) and shaking your s'mores sticks at me (are there sticks, when you make them? See, I don't even know) and demanding quality entertainment. This, of course, leads to total paralysis. Which then leads to this, my mortified re-entrance, my shuffle out onto the stage as you're all filing out, throwing your programs to the ground in disgust. Wait, don't leave! I've got a little number all worked out!

But enough about me. How's your week been? I've missed you.

Reader Comments (100)

Wasn't anyone else out there a Camp Fire Girl? That's where I did my s'more-ing. Never at home. Although we did make ice cream there (de-lish!) and they got divorced anyway.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLibby
I kinda want a root beer float today instead of a s'more.

I've spent the entire week packing boxes at work. And booking all the move-related crap that goes along with those boxes. I am bitter need a drink.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterCorinne
Also: better grammar.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterCorinne
mmmm...s'mores....
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterali
You are the best thing in blogland. And I only have a very vague idea of what smores are. (British, see.) Pretty average week in Hong Kong too. Fingers and toes crossed that we are going to buy a house though!
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterViv
I've been freezing my ass off with a 15 month old. It's been around 30 below and my husband rarely comes home before 11:30 pm. I don't know where he is right now and my daughter is having a temper tantrum. I'm about to pull all of my hair out. Oh joy.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkate
I have never eated a s'more, ever. Maybe that is what's wrong with me?
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTara
Eated a smore. Did I really just type eated a smore? crap.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTara
I was going to write a longgggg letter, but you would not have time to read with 58 replies. No one wants to hear from me....I'm mad.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBeverly
I was dating a guy who went out to get Smores ingredients late one night when we were all hanging out around a bonfire---he came back with graham crackers, marshmallows and Hershey's Chocolate Syrup! In a squeeze bottle! How pathetic is that???

Oh, and the guy? I married him. I've schooled him well on the proper way to make a Smore.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFairly Odd Mother
Wait, what's with people melting the chocolate? It's supposed to be the combination of crunchy graham cracker, hot gooey (burnt) marshmallow, and cold, solid chocolate!

I was in Scouts for years and years, and then we made s'mores in college too. Fun times.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAnne
Alice, I loved s'mores as a kid. We rarely made them because they're such a freakin' mess. And my mom always got pissed off at all the bugs in the woods, no real toilets, etc. (actually, those were her two big things.) Anyway, it's no wonder to me that so many people love your work. I send you a big hug and kiss and mean it sincerely when I say you are full of genius. Even in New Jersey.Ruby turned 2 last weekend and Liv will be 4 before you know it. Soon she'll be hooked to finslippy too.

March 9, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterwendy
de-lurking for the first time, even tho i've read you religiously for a good two years now. all i can say is mmmm smores. we go camping every summer and make them around a fire. sooo good. i live in north jersey too, and if it gets any colder, i swear i'm packing up and moving west. stupid weather.



March 9, 2007 | Unregistered Commenternicole
We toasted marshmallows for s'mores over the embers of the charcoal in the grill every time we grilled out when I was a kid.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterannarebeck
I had a friend and coworker who would shore up sagging spirits with mini s'mores. Teddy Grahams, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, toothpicks, and tea lights, smuggled into her desk drawer in her office which had a door and mine didn't. I could use one right now. My week stunk. I don't like my marshmallows burnt, just thoroughly toasted. It's been a burnt marshmallow week.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterWendyP
Honey, you hit it out of the ballpark every damn time. That's why we love you!

Microwave s'mores are good in a pinch, but nothing beats holding the marshmallow over the fire until the outside gets really brown and crunchy. Mmmmm.

And now I demand a t-shirt with a drawing of a s'more and the words "S'more Whore". Please?
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth
I had a lovely week suffering with strep throat. WTF? I'm 37 years old! I blame the children!!!! They'll be the death of me yet.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLisa
I meant to add that I could have really used some ooey gooey s'mores to help me feel better.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLisa
yummmm smores...I find that the longer between blogs, the harder to start again. So I just post pictures lol. (even that I cant do everyday)
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBecky
It is my birthday! How did you know? Plus, of course, Pi Day is coming up. How wonderful is that? Pretty wonderful. Pi Day! Fantastic! And we have a Pi Day pie competition in the works!

It almost, but not quite, makes up for being old.
March 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterYoki
you have not missed me. that is such a lie.
March 10, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterhonestyrain
We made smores every camping trip I have ever been on, the thing is I HATE smores. I love flaming marshmallows, I like Hershey bars and graham crackers. SEPERATELY.

I am having a similar dilemma on my blog, I hate doing a 'we did this and went there' kind of posts so I just go play with my kids and/or take a nap.
March 10, 2007 | Unregistered Commentertana
I suspect your mother, having an unusual fondness for marshmallows, couldn't bear to stab a sharp stick through them, burn them over a roaring fire and smash them between two graham crackers next to some chocolate. It probably seemed entirely too brutal.

We, on the other hand, have no problem taking the lives of many a mallow. And eating them ta boot. Vicious, we are. Vicious.
you know us so well, right down to shaking the s'mores sticks at you!
March 10, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersumo
See how influential you are?

I trust you'll use your powers for good.
March 10, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

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