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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Another in a long string of conversations I never thought I'd have. | Main | What did I do, world? »
Thursday
May242007

Bidness.

First off, I'm in Time Out New York Kids this week, along with Mssrs. Laid Off Dad and Looky Daddy. The subject is children's birthday parties. The interviewer was gracious enough to use my more clever quotes, and not the expletive-filled tirades for which I am so well known. So there's that.

Also! My cat does not have (potentially) FeLV, but in fact FIV. (Possibly.) I know the difference, but the woman who was taking care of Izzy's mom did not. So there you go. Cat AIDS. I think this has a much better prognosis, even if she's positive. Live, kitty, LIVE!

Finally, here's a parenting tip for you: even though your four-and-a-half-year-old is deeply enamored with David Bowie's song stylings, you might want to skip past "Rebel Rebel," Because maybe you forgot that your child has ears and a brain, and you were listening to it in the car on the way to school, and then your kid walked into the classroom and called his teacher a "hot tramp."

Actually, you might just want to leave it on "Blue Jean." Which technically might be a clean song, but no one in this world could be unoffended by the line "jazzin' for Blue Jean," so never mind. Maybe he won't tease out the correct words in Ziggy Stardust? Okay, go with that one.

Reader Comments (43)

We're big RENT fans here -- G actually sang "Will I?" for a school play audition in first grade. (And got the part.) I wondered whether she'd start spouting lyrics from La Vie Boheme, but luckily she seems to have a sort of built-in internal censor that tells her which things are appropriate to repeat and which aren't. She certainly scolds me quickly enough when I let a naughty word slip!
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa
I wanted to link to steveearle.net for you, but my company's firewall came back with this:

You cannot access the following Web address:http://steveearle.net/

Forbidden. The site you requested is blocked under the following categories: Profanity

May 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbraine
HA HA about the Bowie. I am glad Izzy is a mellow kitty, and here's to many, many years of cuddling and falling asleep in your lap.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterCroupier
You probably already know this, but LOTS and LOTS of cats are carriers for FIV, and not too many of them actually get sick. It's an awful disease, but there's no good test for it, and there's no treatment. Both of our cats are carriers (we think...they were cat pals with a carrier...and it's spread through, you know...licking butts...which they do all the time). I was really traumatized at first, but they've been carriers for years, show no signs of being sick, and are as sweet as can be.

And by the way, that kitten is adorable.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie
Did he follow up the Hot Tramp comment by telling her he loves her so? Because that's not so bad.

Kitty Aids is scary when you first hear it but if you keep Izzy healthy, just do what you're doing, she'll live a good long time. She'll have to make do with being an only cat though and she shouldn't go outside and play, but other than that it should all be okay.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSusie
Funny you mention Rebel Rebel. My 16 yo just showed me around Napster and I downloaded that song yesterday. I hadn't listened to the lyrics in a while, alas. She's a bit of a rebel and I said, "I'm gonna play you this song that reminds me of you." Then there was that part about "mom's not sure if you're a boy or a girl"...and then the hot tramp business.

Damn. I am a bad mother.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAngelawd
hilarious...about the song, not the kitten. i hope the kitten is ok. also, my 3 (THREE!!) year old daughter has taken to singing 'my humps...my humps...my lovely lady lumps' quite frequently. and she does the booty dance to match. oh yeah, gotta love her musician daddy for letting her watch videos with him. it's so cute, and funny, but also a little disturbing.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterdana
Just this morning on our walk to daycare my 3 year old was yelling, "I'm a toker!" He's not a Steve Miller "midnight toker", he was just misquoting his Shrek toy from McDonalds that says, "I'm an ogre."

My favourite is when I say, "Drivin' that train" he never fails to reply with, "High on cocaine!" People are appalled, but I think it's hilarious.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
My son adores a Fatboy Slim song to which the lyrics are "Fatboy Slim is f*@ing in heaven" over and over and over again. I cringe at the idea of him repeating it, but he asks so sweetly for his song that I feel guilty not letting him listen to it. I know my mother never had this problem. Perhaps giving up music for children is a good plan.Fingers crossed for kitty-negativity.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie
See you complain about what he eats but what if he was like my kid who once heard a CD of annoying cute kids singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' and will only listen to that CD overandoverandoverandoverandoverandover. And makes you listen in the car until your brain gets all runny and flows out your ears and you have it going in your head and it just won't STOP! ALL YOU DO IS HEAR IT ALL DAY LONG.

Hot tramp is a small price to pay.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterozma
Glad to hear it's FIV and not FeLV. According to the stuff I've looked up on the internet, the FIV isn't commonly passed to the kittens. Also, there is no point in testing the kitten for it until after they're 6 months old and all the mother's antibodies have gotten out of the kitten's system. So it sounds like good news!
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl52
Not trying to threadjack, but Rebecca mentioned the ogre toy from McDonald's and it's driving us CRAZY -- what is the third thing he says? I'm an ogre, burp, ??? I think it's "I'm on it" and my husband swears it's "No way." Can anyone help us?

My Henry is 2 and 1/2 and keeps saying "Hey, this guy says he's a no-cat!" He has yet to pick up on any obscenities. Not really sure why, since we have completely failed at the whole self-censoring thing.
May 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteramy
Ha! I love it! That little Henry cracks me up. Try out "Grease Lightning" willya? A catchy tune for mindlessly dancing with the three kiddos I nanny for (who LOVE to dance). Hey kids! Listen to this fun song from a great musical! It's Automatic, It's systematic....And then all of a sudden it's "You know that ain't no shit we'll be getting lots of tit" oh and don't forget... "You are supreme the chicks'll cream for grease lightning"

Doh!

May 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMizmouth
...aaand Mizmouth brings the comments full circle, because as we all know, Greased Lghtning is "a real pussy wagon," which would provide a welcome diversion for a kitty that's under the weather.
May 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBraine
My co-worker thinks I'm insane now because I started wheezing with laughter. His words "Is that a happy noise?"
May 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDM
You know what they say: If life gives your cat AIDS, make lemon AIDS.
May 26, 2007 | Unregistered Commentershannon
How wrong is it if I have a 6 year old, running around the house singing, "They tried to make me go to rehab/I said no,no,no...?" My goddaughter runs errands with me sometimes and I forget how young ears pick up the oddest details. Now if she starts rocking a beehive and getting tattoos, I am so in trouble with her parents!
May 28, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterhoneybfly
Honeybfly, we changed it to "recess." Try it!



May 30, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice

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