You are all sick.

And I love you for it.

I knew you would step up to the plate with your bad-parenting stories, but I never imagined you'd do so with such enthusiasm and so little shame. I have to comb through these many comments and then dole out the honors. Meanwhile, here's this morning's breakfast conversation, which was like so many other breakfast conversations we've had in the Finslippy household:

Scott (singing): "Under my thumb, the girl who once had me down…"

Alice: Great. That's a great song to be singing in front of our child.

Scott: What would you like it to be? "Under no one's thumb/ Enjoying a relationship of mutual respect"? Kind of loses the sexiness of it.

Alice: I was thinking more, "Under her thumb/ I stay at home to make her a nutritious stew." Like that.

Henry: That "nutrition" word doesn't work. It's too fast.

Alice: Too fast? How about "tasty stew"?

Henry: That's better. I like that.

Scott: What are you, Rogers and Hart?

Henry: I have a better song. It goes "Under my butt."

Comments

[TheSpectrum]

Aaaaaaand I just lost my mind at work. That is HILARIOUS. Get it, Henry. A better song indeed!

[All Adither]

That Henry has a good ear.

[kate]

oh my god that's amazing. the whole thing was funny but that last little nugget by henry had me laughing so hard i woke up the cat.

[SuburbanCorrespondent]

Why was he singing that song at all? I think we're missing the point here...I mean, he could have been singing, "Heaven, I'm in heaven..." from Top Hat; or something sweet from the Sound of Music; or even "You're the One That I Want" from Grease.

There's a problem here.

[alice]

Indeed, SC. I think you've hit the nail on the head.

[babelbabe]

oh my god, has henry been hanging out with my hooligans? I am so sorry, I try to get them to behave....

[Krisco]

The first part sounded like our house.

The last part - Henry's contribution - made me laugh out loud. We have girls, so that's just not the take they would have had. But that was hilarious.

And I agree with SC. What's up with singing that song, anyway?! ;)

[karen]

a well placed "butt" always gets a laugh around my house as well

[Kathryn]

My boys have recently been singing some very questionable lyrics and I find myself guilty of supplying them with far too many non-appropriate songs. Note to self: must watch what is on the radio when boys are with me (which is always). :)

[Ahna]

I'm not so sure that Rogers and Hart wrote a song about 'butt' - however, I'd actually pay money to see THAT musical!I love making up lyrics to songs. In fact, that's pretty standard stuff in my house - because I never really hear them right. I wish that my lyrics were as fun as yours. :-)

[Sharlene]

And here I thought my husband was the only one fond of the "Under my thumb" serenade!

[EM]

My husband has ruined every song I've ever loved by replacing a key word with "butthole." It's particularly good with hymns: "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of my butthole . . ." Egad.

[Leaf, probably...]

I think Henry wins here...

[Manic Mommy]

HRH's question to his father: "Daddy? What DO you do with a drunken sailor?"

Henry made me laugh out loud. Butts are funny. Farts are too. I need a daughter.

[jules]

"Under My Butt" is a great filler for just about ANYTHING around my place!JulesHouse of Jules

[Jo]

I work as a daycare inspector and the other day when I was in a preschool, a four year old boy was singing "Row Row Row Your Boat" but instead of singing "life is but a dream" he sang, "I like to dream of butts." Which made me laugh almost as hard as your Henry's comment.

It's true: butts are funny.

[Sonja]

Now Henry's is the song I'd be downloading from iTunes.

[JMartin]

We are missing Henry's point. He did not select butt qua butt, but rather as the fitting prosodic unit.

One can but ask:

1. Is this his first act of scansion?

2. Are this child's abilities not slightly more than human?

[The Mom Bomb]

At least the "inappropriate" music you expose your child to is The Stones. We expose our hell-piglets to Vanilla Ice and the Spice Girls. I'm sure we're headed towards a very particular sector of hell reserved for parents with cheesy taste.

My son does substitutions with that Kid Rock song. He screams "My name is KIIIIIID POO POO!"

[Melanie at Beanpaste]

Is they anything sexier than a nice "nutritious stew?"

Too sexy.

[dianne]

We laugh at young Henry, but he's as prescient as he is precious ... Documents to soon be released reveal that "Under My Butt" was, indeed, the first draft of "Under My Thumb." Thanks to Ed Sullivan and a bunch of uptight suits, the entire song was forced to be edited and revised. Curiously, the message of the song remained unchanged, however.

[Nicole]

Seriously??? My husband was singing the exact same song last night too! He was so proud of singing it to our 24 day old son.

Setting a good example.

[ShariMacD]

Aaaaugh! This song has been going through my head for days, now. The "under my butt" rendition. LIke I don't get enough of that with my own two five-year-olds! Strangely (frighteningly), I'm actually getting rather fond of this version . . .

[Anais]

I laughed so hard, I, too, woke up the cat.