Four more days.

Posting will be light this week, as we're enjoying our winter break. By "enjoying" I mean "trying not to kill each other during" and by "our" I mean "Henry's." We didn't read the school calendar, because we don't cotton to your Western linear notions of time units, and also because we forgot there was a calendar, with, like, information on it. It totally slipped our minds there was such a thing as winter break. I think we were pretending it didn't exist, hoping that if we just continued to drop him off at school the squirrels would entertain him all day. Somewhere deep in our hearts we knew about winter break; I mean, there was one last year, so we must have known. Was there one last year? Why yes, it seems there was. We have no excuse.

And now here I am with Henry, and no plans to speak of. I tried turning today's supermarket trip into a Super Secret Spy Mission, but my son rolled his eyes at me. Rolled his eyes. He's five! Who told him he could do that? Last year he would have believed just about anything was an adventure if I used enough! Exclamation! Points! To describe it! That was last year. Now I have a five-year-old, and he's too sophisticated for me. If anyone knows of any actual real-life spies who require an assistant for the week, please contact me.

Comments

[chaotic joy]

Hee hee. This was very amusing. We just had one extra day off this weekend, for Presidents Day. That was plenty for me. Now I am trying to figure out if there is a way for Ben to bring the baby girl to school with him tomorrow. You know, for show and tell or something.

[TheSpectrum]

Yes, I am a real-life spy who needs assistance.

And by real-life spy, I mean home-sick-from- work-with-a-stomach-virus-Temp.

Does Henry want to run to the store and buy me Gatorades? I'll let him pick the flavors. Top Secret and all.

[SuburbanCorrespondent]

The problem with sending kids to school is that you don't get enough practice in the fine art of ignoring them. Me, I'm an expert.

[Melissa]

You may both accompany me on one of my missions only if you can find a house with a dumbwaiter to snoop in like "Harriet the Spy" did. :)

[all things BD]

Could be worse. We spent our winter break with my daughter at the dentist. Maybe Henry could use a little threat, er, perspective. :)

And the eye rolling? Pretty sure that's lesson #1 in Kindergarten, right after they are taught the myriad ways to say "WhatEVER".

[Carla Hinkle]

I hate February break. Frankly, I think it is ridiculous -- they just had 2 weeks on in December, why on earth do they need another week now? And another week coming in April? I think it is just to torture parents.

At my daughter's school they have February break, a long (4 day) weekend at Easter, and a week off at the end of April. I may shoot myself.

[alice]

We went to the dentist yesterday, ATBD. That was Henry's favorite part of the day. He loves that guy.

[Erika]

We had a dentist appt this morning, as well. I swear I would live at the pediatric dentist if they would let me. My son is just that good there.

[b]

well *I* was prepared foor winter break, set up playdates and the whole 9 yards (this is meant to sound obnoxious). What I wasnt prepared for was my 5 yr old son to act like a jerk to everyone who came to play with him. I'm not your friend, etc. A nightmare.

[Anne Glamore]

We just survived ours. It featured one parakeet being left in the potty (Porter was bathing him and got sidetracked,) a tie-dye fiesta, not because I'm crafty but because this was a Christmas present, and too much pizza (frozen, make your own and delivery).

The rest was pretty much pummeling, yelling, and early gimlets for me.

[Astrogirl]

I second the gimlets (well, whiskey sours for me). I'd start them at 9am on winter holiday week (which we are currently in the throes of), if there wasn't that whole stigma about "drinking before noon", or something. Sheesh.

As mentioned above, Bunker Monkey is in the middle of his winter holiday, and it is no holiday for mom. I also dropped the ball on scheduling stuff for the week, so we are currently at Defcon 3, which involves mom yelling various threats at Bunker Monkey to get him to stop poking the cat/touching mommy's computer/climbing the cabinets/trying to plug things in the electric sockets.

Pass the whiskey sours.

[sizzle]

How DO they learn the eye rolling? My nephew is not yet two. I'm going to enjoy the next three years.

[jules]

Whoever came up with "winter break" must have been a west-coaster, because anywhere east of AZ is pretty much too freaking cold to get out and do anything. If I had a week of winter break, I'd probably spend that time trying not to become a popsicle in my house. It's a good thing I actually have a job where they're liberal with the heat this time of year, otherwise I'd freeze.JulesHouse of Jules

[Meegan]

Oh, I'm chuckling. This is just too funny. I wish I had ideas from you, but alas! Nothing. I wish you luck.

[Sassy]

winter BREAK, for who? Certainly not MOM.Very funny. We will take him, he can spy on my 2 little princesses all week long. We live in Texas, so make sure your spy is dressed in boots and short sleeves, ahhh, and a larger than his belly belt buckle.

[Kyle]

I unfortunately can't help with your five-year-old situation, but I would advise you not to give up on the whole spy game deception yet. I have it on good authority that a) levels of sophistication drop precipitously around age 13, and b) spy stories have helped generations of undergraduates in beginning French classes recognize the important difference in pronunciation between "vous avez le secret?" and "vous savez la secret?" Because, as a certain teacher was known to say, if a spy were to ask you that question, and you misunderstood and amswered incorrectly, YOU COULD DIE!!!!!!11!!

[kristi]

I, too, have a sophisticated five year old. Although I breathed a sigh of relief today when she asked her friend how much older she'll be than her sister when she's older. That's the kind of child logic I've been missing.

Best of luck to you with the whole not killing anyone thing.

[adrian]

Just started visiting, due to Good Housekeeping article which cracked me up. Weird things about reading people's blogs is now you feel like you are friends, and every once in a while it hits me; 'I have no idea who this person is and they don't know me, even less!!' Wild.

[Michelle]

ah yes, i think these kids have entirely too many holidays, don't you? especially when they are five.Michelle in Australiawhere the 5 year old is happily ensconced at school ah...

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Everyone here is a) in school b) old enough to entertain themselves. But I do remember how it was "back in the day." Good luck!

[Dre the Texican]

Just stick him in the crib with some books while you go grocery shopping. That's what I do with my 8 year old, and he's fine.

[DM]

This won't help you now but my mom used to leave me at the library all day when I was 13. She'd pack me a lunch and then I would spend my Saturday free to do nothing but read all day! Heaven!

And please do not tell me the secret spy stuff doesn't work. My nephew and I spent a long car ride looking for clues to the Case of the Walking Water Tower (long story). He's 4.

[Dee]

I'd love to go on a spy mission! Kids are just no fun sometimes. I find if I act really bizarre or silly at times, it helps my kids to believe I'm mentally unbalanced. That little touch of crazy really means a lot when you're trying to assert your complete control over the little darlings... [BTW I just found your blog and it's really funny..]

[Sarcasta-Mom]

I am eternally greatful that my parents offered to take the kids for an entire WEEK to Vermont for winter break. Yeah me!!!!

Good luck with the spy games

[Cindy M.]

Oh. My. God. I just stumbled upon your blog today and it is the funniest thing I've read since ... well, I can't remember, but it is too damn funny. Love it.

Cindy M. in Virginia