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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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After writing this post, I will sleep until June.

I've been under a little under the weather, over here. I had a … procedure whose details I will keep from you, because I don't want you to have to know. I want you to sleep the sleep of people who are unaware that doctors do BAD THINGS LIKE THAT. I'll change the subject now. No, wait, I just want to say: OW. YEEESH. Also: OW.

Now here I am, feeling bad but not bad enough for Scott to stay home and tend to me, damn it. Only bad enough to sigh deeply and clutch my abdomen whenever I think Scott might be looking.

As a result of my state of discomfort and post-traumatic stress, everything around me has turned to chaos. School forms didn't get filled out, dinner didn't get made last night, Henry's socks are on the coffee table . The unholy combination of cat and dog hair, which until this day could be beaten back to the corners and shadows of the house, has taken over. I full expect this cat/dog amalgam to start demanding dinner.

Today I was lying on the couch staring at the horrors around me, trying to motivate myself to get something done. Then a voice spoke unto me: USE THE TIMER. The timer, that great motivator of small children, which has gotten Henry to accomplish such Herculean tasks as putting on his pants or folding napkins for dinner. So I set the timer! I set it for ten minutes, and for those ten minutes I cleaned up, and do you know what? At the end of that ten minutes, my house actually appeared clean (not that it was, but never mind that) and I felt like I had accomplished something! Then I went back to sleep for another hour or three.

I used the timer all day. With the help of my new friend Timey the Timer (yeah, I gave him a name) I emptied the dishwasher (then napped), made soup (then had a brief snooze) , paid some bills (insert synonym for falling asleep), attempted to write something but fell asleep within seconds (oh well).

In conclusion, this timer shit works! Also, I am no more complex than my five-year-old. Actually, who am I kidding, he's more complex than I could ever hope to be.

Reader Comments (33)

Timer!!! What a great idea. That'll probably work a lot better for me motivation-wise than this stupid metronome I have over here.
March 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTammy
I would personally like to submit the "timer" as one of the all time greatest inventions for moms. Dinnertime, getting pants on (us too! what's with these boys?!) cleaning up...
March 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterchubbacoo
I'll have to remember this timer idea. It doesn't ever work on my kid, but it might work on me.
March 6, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjaelithe
If you only knew the crap that can actually accumulate when you're not looking!! I only WISH it were just cat and dog hair.

With the first two kids, life was good. I cleaned, vacuumed, did dishes and laundry. I was a pretty good house wife.

Then came Lillie. All pink, blonde and blue eyed. I will not elaborate what all can be wrapped up in all of that goodness, but, suffice it to say that she is affectionately known, in this house as Hurricane Lillie.

Hurricane Lillie can devastate a room in less than one episode of Fairly Odd Parents. Hurricane Lillie can devastate several rooms in as little as TWO HALF HOUR SHOWS.

Hurricane Lillie has beaten me down to where I think the house is clean if I can navigate a thin path from the kitchen to the front door.

Hurricane Lillie is only 6.

March 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRobin
Hmmmm - I too have used a time to get my kids to do my bidding, but never tried it on myself... It is an interesting idea, but it would mean getting off the couch, and um...don't see that happenin' anytime in the near future.
March 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRechelle
I am sorry about your...procedure. Sounds dreadful. I am wishing you a fast recovery!

I am not a flylady fan, but your timer discovery reminded me of a great book. It is called 10-Minute Housekeeping by Rose Kennedy. Not all the ideas will work for everyone, but there are a lot of good tips and tricks and it is an easy, fast read. See if your library has it (that's where I found it). Take care!
March 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa
Why haven't I bought a timer yet?
March 9, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSus
You mean there's an alternative to "Screamy the Mommy?" Good to know.

On the "procedure" front, I hope you got some good pain meds at least. You're talking to someone who has chosen to have her wisdom teeth removed one at a time so that she can score some good pills. I still have one left...saving it for a rainy day.
March 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterGray Matter Matters

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