Three bloggers show up at my house, and all hell breaks loose.

Melissa, Chris, and Susan arrived this afternoon and before I could even say hello they were emptying my cupboards, drinking my liquor, and slapping around my dog. I begged them to stop, but Chris said, and I quote, "I've got seven kids; do you really think your whining has any effect on me?" Then she gave me a roundhouse to the kidneys and everything went black. I had no idea she was so mean. Eventually Chris and Susan left, but not before Susan lurched upstairs, claiming to need to use my bathroom, and then came back down to announce that she hadn't quite made it. It was pretty traumatic, is all I have to say.

Now Melissa's upstairs napping and before she went up there she grabbed me by the collar and growled that if anything woke her up, there would be hell to pay. I'm so scared.

As for things not going on in my imagination, here's my Wonderland column for this week.

Comments

[Sonja]

I don't have anything to say except that you are a funny girl. A very funny girl. That's always nice to hear, right? Except if someone meant funny-smelling. I didn't mean it that way. I meant ha-ha funny. In conclusion, you are a ha-ha funny girl.

[bigpikchur.blogspot.com]

I need to know more about the braiding techniques that were on blast in Melissa's flickr photos! Could that be what got them all worked up and violent?JulesHouse of Jules

[Velma]

I understand why they might be violent, after the breakout sessions yesterday at Camp Baby. I'd avoid mentioning the phrase "Down There" to Melissa, if I were you.

[Heather B.]

I understand. Chris and Susan scare me too. I'm with them now. Hold me!

[Susan]

Alice was a perfect hostess, although she did spend most of our visit curled up in the fetal position rocking and weeping and muttering something about a home invasion.

It was truly lovely to see her.

[chris]

Joey Lawrence says What is going on down there?

Also, had you stayed down I would not have had to kick you so many times.

[Kathy]

Sounds like my childhood.

[Cookie Sunshine]

huh?

[angelawd]

Don't mess with Melissa! She's a tough girl.

[michelle @ TNS]

what's wrong with that? sounds like a fun day to me.

[kristi]

Could you imagine a nap for me too? Threats thrown in would be a plus...

[Dee]

Sounds like you are channeling your college days. I could do that. I just don't care for that constant hungover feeling...

[joaaanna]

Where's Alice?

MY GOD! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?!?!?!?!?