The c-word.
January 26, 2009So in this latest Momversation video, I seem to be the lone parent who delighted in the mutilation of her child.
I must say, in the pre-edited footage Maggie was pretty neutral on the topic—she basically said she didn't want to circumcise her son, but she could see the arguments either way. In the editing process she turned all anti-circumcision, and as a result it looks like I'm being ganged up on. Which works for me, because now I get the sympathy vote. Also, weirdly, they made it look like I've got a shirt on. Computer magic!
This was a particularly difficult topic for me, because in addition to anticipating the hate mail I would receive (anti-circumcision crusaders, I've found, really want to make other people feel terrible about their decisions), I was defending a stance that's sort of, well, not mine. As I say in the video, Scott felt really strongly that his son should be circumcised, and I agreed on that grounds. Of course if I were really violently opposed I would have put up more of a fight, but neither was I entirely gung ho on the procedure. So being put in a position to defend circumcision feels odd, to say the least.
Maggie made a great point in the original footage; basically she said, why do we feel that in order for our opinion to be right, we have to make sure that everyone who feels differently is wrong? And I think that pretty much sums up the fights about co-sleeping and breastfeeding and circumcision and crying it out and pretty much every single topic in these tiresome, endless mommy wars. In the end, we each do what we think is best for our families. What place does anyone else have to pass judgment?
Reader Comments (273)
I feel like circumcision is a very personal thing and what works for the family is just what works. We did not choose to circumcise our son, but for us, it came down to my husband feeling more anti-circ and also my son being born 8 weeks early. They circ at the *end* of that stay and I just couldn't face one more thing for him to go through after all that time in the NICU.
But because I decided not to, does that make your choice wrong? No. Absolutely not.
I will say, I agree with Daphne in that I don't understand people who blindly go forward with circumcision, or not - either way - without even stopping to think about it...
But once someone has thought it through and decided what is right for them, who am I to judge?
I'm with you completely on circumcision. I'll try not to border on TMI but my boyfriend was uncircumsized and had to undergo circumcision at the age of 25 due to tearing of the foreskin that was very, very painful for him.
Because of that, we've already come to the decision that if we have a son one day, he'll be circumcised to keep him from potentially going through that pain. Yes, its painful for a baby but babies don't remember it. My boyfriend sure does.
Anyway, thanks for your viewpoint and I'll have to keep reading in the future!
You know the important thing is that you get to bring home these wonderful babies. And raise them. Every day I deal with food issues. Just trying to get my kids to EAT something is a major battle that I wage all day long every day. Who the heck cares what their penis looks like?!
I think you did great.
First of all, I am part of the anti-circ crusaders. And, I would like to apologize to each and every one of you who have been offended. Trust me, in knowing that that truly is not the intention of our movement. Just as not all Christians or Jews make a good impression on others, in their attempt to practice their faith, so to do all groups have such people.
In any case, all I wished to point out is that medical organizations do not recommend the procedure for health reasons. Secondly, it is painful, even for an infant. Please look at this report of a study:
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9712/23/circumcision.anesthetic/
It basically shows how much pain an infant feels during the procedure!
As well, an infant may not consciously remember, but I believe our most fundemental beliefs about the world are shaped when we are youngest. It is true that we learn languages faster, the younger we are, its not like infants do not learn.
Also, I wanted to emphasize that the foreskin is both pleasurable/sensitive, AND functional. some of the most sensitive parts of the penis are removed during a circumcision, and its not "just skin" the inner lining of the foreskin is highly specialized skin, just as sensitive as the fingertips and lips.
In any case, as much as I feel it shouldn't be a parental choice, that does not mean I think you are bad parents for doing what YOU feel is the right thing for your child. However, I do believe that when you fully understand everything about the topic, a mother with an open, loving heart does not agree with circumcision.
Regarding all the backlash of people with the circumcision is mutilation/ comparible with FGM argument. Instead of thinking about how bad FGM is, think instead about how small, and insignificant of a part you would allow a doctor to cut off of your daughters privates, even in a hospital! I would hope you'd say not any of it! Also understand that women who have experienced FGM of all kinds, often believe very strongly in FGM for their daughters. Oftentimes their reasons are word-for-word the EXACT same as people use to justify male circumcision in this country. So yes, It is a MUCH worse thing than what we do to our boys, but its not as black and white of a difference as many people suggest.
Thank You to anyone who reads this comment, and Please.. don't be put off by the anti-circumcision movement because of a few offensive characters who often attack instead of explain. We know you love your kids, but do not forget that the parents who practice FGM on their children love their children too! Love is not a replacement for education.
Please consider giving boys the right to decide about their penises for themselves. Girls deserve that right, and so do boys!
<3 keep being good moms, you all! I know you are all thinkers and lovers, and that's so wonderful!
(Also, my brother-in-law had to be circumcised at 21. And I have a friend whose little boy had to be circumcised when he was two years old. My brother-in-law is all for circumsicion when they're young.)
I often go a step further and contend that the entire "mommy war" clusterf*cktastrophe has been manufactured to make sure that women are too busy arguing with each other to notice that we still don't have maternity leave and guaranteed health care and affordable childcare.
(I know I'm way late to this conversation, but I wanted to add one more voice to the support for you. I hope that your recent lack of posting is because you're so busy with all your housing stuff and not because you're discouraged about the collective soul of the Internets.)
why do we feel that in order for our opinion to be right, we have to make sure that everyone who feels differently is wrong? And I think that pretty much sums up the fights about co-sleeping and breastfeeding and circumcision and crying it out and pretty much every single topic in these tiresome, endless mommy wars. In the end, we each do what we think is best for our families. What place does anyone else have to pass judgment?
YES! YES! YES!
I feel like there are a couple of misconceptions stated in the video. Firstly, when my son was circumcised my husband was standing right there. They used a local anaesthetic and gave him a binky with a little sugar water. He smiled and cooed DURING THE PROCEDURE. He was not in pain. Afterwards, there was no special care other than applying a little bit of ointment when changing his diaper. It wasn't some huge gaping wound that was causing him pain.
I find it completely wrong to compare this to female genital mutilation. In fact, I find it offensive that someone would compare it. Female genital mutilation, like you said, is designed to REMOVE pleasure, and to dominate someone because of their sex. There's no proof that this takes away pleasure, in fact, of the few I was able to find, men who were circumcised as adults seemed to say that it didn't really make a difference.
We made the decision we wanted to, for our own reasons. My husband went into it knowing that he is, and that he has never had bad feelings about being circumcised and doesn't feel that he's missing a part of himself or anything like that. I agree with the idea that we should all be able to make our own decisions, and we shouldn't try to make anyone else wrong in their decisions.
I know I'm late to be commenting here, but I couldn't watch the video without saying something!
Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Azerbaijan, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Benin, Cameroon, Chad, Comoros, Djibouti, Egypt, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gabon, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Madagascar, Malaysia, Maldives, Mali, Mauritania, Morocco, Nigeria, Niger, Pakistan, Philippines, Qatar, Republic of the Congo, Samoa, Tonga, Saudi Arabia, Sierra Leone, Somalia, "Somaliland", South Africa, South Korea, Sudan, Syria, Tajikistan, Togo, Tunisia, Turkey, "Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus", Turkmenistan, United Arab Emirates, the United States of America, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu and Yemen.
Notice anything odd about the list?1) Hardly any developed countries.2) Hardly any Christian countries (the US and the Philippines are the only countries where Christians circumcise).3) Most of these countries also practise female genital cutting.
Circumcision is defined as non-therapeutic, cosmetic genital cutting (or, amputation which is the medically accurate word used by the AMA to describe circumcision) which removes between 1/3 and 2/3 of the penile shaft skin, comprised of healthy, functional, and in large part, highly sexually sensitive mucosal tissue, no more difficult to clean than any other body part we are fortunate to own, by the way. In the case of infant circumcision, it proceeds without the consent of the infant and without adequate pain remediation and often with no pain remediation in a surgery lasting between 5 and 15 minutes, and to an individual who has no idea how long that pain will last. His first experience with his sexual organ is one of excruciating and humiliating pain while his body, having spent 9 months tightly balled in the fetal position, is strapped spread-eagle on a Circumstraint board (or if he's lucky, at least held in the arms of his parents during the bris). The penis is diminished in its capacity to convey pleasure due to the destruction of most or all of the highly ennervated inner foreskin, frenulum, ridged band and frenular delta, along with the abundant supply of arteries and veins, not unlike the nerves and arteries supplying other erogenous areas of the body such as the lips, nipples, vulva and anus.
Critical of genital cutting, lawyer Steven Svoboda explains: "Genital cutting presents a cluster of interwoven discriminations—racial, gender-based, age-based, and class-based—that violate law, human rights, and ethics."
Eighty percent of the world's males are left intact and whole, as nature has provided every mammal (male *and female), on this planet. We are the last, and only first-world country who continues to engage in this ritual by cutting the (slim) majority of its infant boys (currently hovering between 50-64% depending on who you ask) for non-religious reasons. Routine Infant Circumcision fails to meet basic medical standards of care and cannot be endorsed for any reason. In the opinion of a growing number of informed people, and according to the principles guiding current medical law, genital cutting of any kind and on either gender constitutes a criminal offense and must be outlawed. Currently only females enjoy that protection under recent (recent!) United States law. That very proposition is being discussed in Denmark, and currently every US senator has been given a proposal to do just that. For those who want to learn more, please visit NOCIRC.ORG, which features a new video discussing the anatomy, myths and human rights issues surrounding this topic. Know that as a male, while we can never regain the ten's of thousands of nerves removed, we can certainly acquire more sensitivity through a skin expansion technique known as restoration - please visit norm-uk.co.uk for more information.
Andre Maranhao