The c-word.
January 26, 2009So in this latest Momversation video, I seem to be the lone parent who delighted in the mutilation of her child.
I must say, in the pre-edited footage Maggie was pretty neutral on the topic—she basically said she didn't want to circumcise her son, but she could see the arguments either way. In the editing process she turned all anti-circumcision, and as a result it looks like I'm being ganged up on. Which works for me, because now I get the sympathy vote. Also, weirdly, they made it look like I've got a shirt on. Computer magic!
This was a particularly difficult topic for me, because in addition to anticipating the hate mail I would receive (anti-circumcision crusaders, I've found, really want to make other people feel terrible about their decisions), I was defending a stance that's sort of, well, not mine. As I say in the video, Scott felt really strongly that his son should be circumcised, and I agreed on that grounds. Of course if I were really violently opposed I would have put up more of a fight, but neither was I entirely gung ho on the procedure. So being put in a position to defend circumcision feels odd, to say the least.
Maggie made a great point in the original footage; basically she said, why do we feel that in order for our opinion to be right, we have to make sure that everyone who feels differently is wrong? And I think that pretty much sums up the fights about co-sleeping and breastfeeding and circumcision and crying it out and pretty much every single topic in these tiresome, endless mommy wars. In the end, we each do what we think is best for our families. What place does anyone else have to pass judgment?
Reader Comments (273)
Just to throw in my 2 cents, I'm due in the spring and if its a boy we are having a circumcision. We really never considered not doing it. I'm Jewish and haven't really heard enough against it to buck tradition and we (my non-jewish but circumcised husband) think it will be easier in the long run to explain things if they look similar.
I don't have any sons ... only daughters ... and am glad I haven't had to make this particular decision. But the comparison to female genital mutilation seems pretty crazy, to me.
Religious and/or cultural beleifs aside - male circumcision does not hinder or prevent male enjoyment of sex.
FGM does that. And only that. I've never seen a study where FGM is proven to prevent disease or have any beneficial effect on women.
Men can and do, perform, function and feel sensation normally with or without a circumcision.
After an FGM the female loses sensation. They are two VERY different things.
And just for my two cents - I dont have a boy yet but when I do, I will have him circumcised. As a woman I have not been comfortable with the uncircumcised ones I've come across. I prefer a circumcised one so I will have my boy circumcised. Plus I'm Jewish. But that's just my opinion. Y'all are free to feel however you like.
The men on my side of the family are all circumcised because that is what everyone did.
My two sons are NOT, only so that they can "be like their Dad".
(If my husband knew that I just typed that on the Internet he would die a slow death of embarrassment.)
Dad Gone Mad's description made laugh out loud. Oy.
I can't believe you'd do that to your child because you "heard of a study." Wow, that's some responsible parenting right there! I guess all the men in Europe have them some diseased wangs!
Alice, I thought you were an educated, logical thinker. Ugh, I've been reading you for over four years. Consider this my flounce.
Feel free to never come here again. Don't let the door hit you, etc.
I love your post so much I'm going to post it over on my blog too.Thank you for getting in there and stating what you feel.
I'm not surprised that this is a topic that not everyone agrees on, but I'm surprised by the venom.
Belittling someone's decision making process and/or religion over the internet because you came to different conclusions for your own family is hardly a constructive contribution to this discussion.
I think what I'm most offended by is the implication in some of the comments that Alice (or a mom whose son is circumcised) doesn't care about their sons' health and well being.
Well done Alice, for being honest about a decision that your family made for itself. You are so clearly a thoughtful and sensitive mom. Onward!
They'd probably think of you as "interfering" "holier-than-thou" "crusaders", just because you think it's wrong for a girl to have part of her genitals removed.
You might see a difference, but they don't.
It's worth remembering that we wouldn't even be having this discussion if it weren't for the fact that 19th century doctors thought that :a) masturbation caused various physical and mental problems (including epilepsy, convulsions, paralysis, tuberculosis etc), andb) circumcision stopped masturbation.
Both of those sound ridiculous today I know, but if you don't believe me, then check out this link:http://www.noharmm.org/docswords.htm
If my son wants to be circumcised when he's 18 (16 if he knows what he's doing), I'll pay for it and help him find a good surgeon. Until then, he stays intact. His body - his decision. If he wants to be circumcised later, it's easy to fix - safer, less painful, and better cosmetic results. If we'd had him circumcised, and he wanted to be intact, it's a problem.
BUT, he said he had performed dozens and dozens of circumcisions on grown men and it was awful to behold. Evidently, some dudes don't wash correctly, or things rub weird, and they get these red nasties that never go away. The only way to clean up the mess is circumcision.
Now, I have a young teenager and a tween. And I can't get those rascals to wash their faces. I have no idea what goes on in the shower, but let me say that I doubt hygiene is all that paramount.I mean, sometimes they come out of the shower with dry hair.
So, I feel for sure I made the right decision. Circumcision.
Plus, those pigs in a blanket thangs look weird. If that's me being a Judeo Christian prude, whatever.
I think to make decisions like this based on fashion, and often, that is exactly what it is, is senseless.
Although practitioners of female genital mutilation obviously think they are right to do so (or they would stop, one assumes), that doesn't mean there's a fair comparison to be made between male circumcision and FGM. Step back for a moment and think about what's involved in female circumcision as it's currently practiced (and if you don't know, here is a diagram giving a run-down of the various degrees of cutting involved: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:FGC_Types.jpg). Alice is right - if we performed male circumcision by removing the penis, and merely differed in how much of a stump was left (...
I agree with Sarah above, I felt Daphne didnt ask a question, she gave her opinion and expected for everyone to tell her why on God's green earth they would chose otherwise!
In my opinion, to each their own, I am not going to judge someone if they do or do not circumsize or breast feed, or if they sleep with or without their kids.. its THEIR KIDS, THEIR CHOICE! just like, my kids, my choice!
When I was pregnant with our daughter I didn't find out what I was having, and I am Jewish. We lived in San Diego, and my parents were in NJ - I told them if we had a boy we would circumcise him in the hospital, and not have the bris a week later b/c the family members couldn't fly out on that short notice. But our boy would be circumcised - because I'm Jewish and it matters, and because ANY man who wasn't (when I was in college) was thought of as freakish and most American women are scared to death of a penis in a turtleneck!
When I was pregnant, an acquaintance of mine sent me horribly disturbing images in an email begging me NOT to circumcise my son if I had one. Nobody else has the right to campaign for my child's well-being. I was appalled and I told him so, and asked him to never contact me again. You covered this with style and grace and I would have felt the same way. If we're good parents and we love and care for our children, it's nobody else's business how we choose to parent.
3/10 on flounce scale.