Bully for us

So the latest Momversation video I'm in is about bullying. Want to see?

I watched this with Henry last night, and when we got to the part with my dumb advice to Henry (make fun of the other kid when he makes fun of you! Why, that can't fail!) he said, "Why did you say that?" and I said, "Because sometimes Mommy is an idiot." And he said, "You shouldn't call yourself names," and I said, "Right again, kid." I don't know if it's a good idea to teach your child to roll his eyes at most of the stuff that comes out of your mouth, but that seems to be the way our relationship is developing. Henry is far more sensible than I am. Lucky for me.

Comments

[alexandra]

My first thought: you look so good. You must feel really happy with your move, b/c you look great. Beautiful skin, great hair. Or...do you have a secret beauty lotion you can tell us about? You look wonderful. The bullying thing: yup, we had to change schools over it last year. I have a guy who is small for his age, and he was getting so bullied that he couldn't even eat breakfast and lost 4 lbs., which is a lot, when it's from stress. So, we left, and a year later, he has gained the weight back and is really happy in his new place. The old school: they have a policy/protocol: you cannot call the parents. I did call the parents, so the principal scolded me. I had to remind her that I went to her 5 times with this issue: and nothing changed. Her response, "boys will be boys." I then decided to stop banging my head against a tree, and just move on. Sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

[alexandra]

Tsk...You don't have a big chin. There is NOTHING wrong with your chin. And you are NOT PALE. Sheesh...what is all that junk about? What purpose could those comments possibly serve?

[Anna Ruiz]

I can see where you were coming from at the time. Bullies are a tough, tough topic and I have no idea how I'll deal with that when the time comes (and the time will come, we're comic book reading dorks).

Make fun of them back? Push? fight? Take the high road? There's no easy way for parents to let their kids know what to do and noeasy way for kids to follow those directions.

Personally I would have rather dealt with angry moms on the topic of the "big C".

[Sarah L]

Wow, I feel like I stepped into 1955. And even then, Ward was telling the Beave to work through his conflicts without violence.

I'm all for people standing up for themselves, but this is a bit much, and I can't believe all the support you're getting on the comments.

Non-violent communication CAN be learned or not. Just remember, kids don't learn this stuff on their own. They are usually following their parents' examples.

[cluckandtweet]

I'm thinking that if Henry ever gets bullied he could ask if the other kid is circumcised or not (assuming it's a boy, of course). That could take things to a whole different level.

[Strangel]

I had to share this with you, Finslippy!

http://strange-angel.deviantart.com/journal/23862210/

[elaine]

I was the kid who constantly got picked on. I don't exactly know why. But, every grade had it's torment. Maybe I'm ugly or my clothes were too weird. They even made fun of my initials E.H. They called me egg head. I never told my Mom. Except for the time Mary Lee Green put a huge wad of bubble gum in my hair. My Mom had to cut it out because it hurt too much trying to work it out with baby oil. Okay..so I'm not writing for sympathy here I'm just telling it like it is from the picked on ones side. I didn't deserve it. I never bullied them so it's not like I had it coming to me. I was just a victim. So...the way I bring up my kids is NOT to fight back. Push comes to shove and what goes around will most certainly come around.I saw my son waiting for his turn at the water bubbler at school. The big kid in front of him was taking his sweet time and he turned around to see my kid waiting and took even more time. My kid said...hi Chris. The kid snarled at him "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?" My kid to a step back and sheepishly said ...I don't know. I could see by my kids red ears that he was just like me. ... Oh well. I Love your blog Alice.

[izmir evden eve]

Thank You..

[gray matter matters]

Bullies suck, no way around that. My kid is a runt, smaller than most of the boys in 3rd grade, so we kinda go with a "if you can't be tough, be funny approach." Oh, AND be a HUGE tattle tale. :-)

[ozma]

That name-calling of yourself is hard to break. I haven't broken the habit of saying whatever pops into my head and my kid is five.

Idiot. Yeah, I call myself an idiot and she says not to.

She is more sensible than I am. I do hope this lasts.

[PB Rippey/sleepless mama]

Well---it's a hot topic for sure and so interesting for a mother of a 16 month old to read all the different angles and scenarios and camps of thought. I get nervous when opinions become borderline (or more) accusations, vs. debate, or non-accusational discussion (there must be such a thing, somewhere), but all of the information is helpful, or might be when I'm in Alice's position--then again, of course my child will never be bullied.......(nervous laughter--didn't you hear it?).

[Holly]

I realize that I'm showing up late, but I've been very behind on my reading. Anyway, I had to comment on the chin & skin- your chin is fine. I have no idea what that person is talking about. And your skin? The same lovely, fair (Irish?) skin that my husband has. In short, you look fabulous. What the hell are people making those comments for on a post that talks about bullying??

And speaking of bullying. I don't know. There is a neighborhood kid who picks on my son occasionally. Thankfully they're at different schools. We've had talks with a few different pieces of advice. Stand up for yourself and use your words (which he does). Recently the kid threatened to hit him. He didn't, but I told my son he could hit back if he did. Was that wrong? I don't know. My husband did it in 7th grade and it worked for him- the bully left him alone after that. I don't want him to get in fights, but I don't want him to be the kid that runs away crying after bring punched either.

It's all very difficult. And I don't think that there is one right answer.

[freelance web designer]

well said good job :)