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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« Dazed | Main | The lost week »
Friday
Apr172009

Four fruits. Four!

Thank you for joining me in disbelief about this whole thousand-fruit idea. You are my kind of people. Between you and me, I happen to believe that oranges are actually small animals disguising themselves as fruits, and then when you go to peel them they uncurl and strike with their fanged wedges. I have some sketches I could share with you. If only I trusted the scanner enough to use it.

My son is at my in-laws and oh, I miss him. Is there anything more pathetic than a mother whose child is away for 48 hours and all she can talk about is how much she misses him? I will answer my own question: yes. There are more pathetic things, obviously. But this is right up there. When Henry is here I can generally be found rolling my eyes and sighing over the demands and injustices of motherhood, and now he's one state over and I'm mooning around his room, wondering if it's too soon to call him again. He could not be more tired of our phone calls.

Us: "Hey, buddy, what you up to?"

Him: "Attempting to have quality time with my grandparents, which is difficult when someone keeps calling."

Us: "… You gonna get ice cream later?"

Him: "Oh, for fuck's sake. Yes, I suppose I will get ice cream later. Shall I call you and tell you all about what toppings I got?"

Us: "Love you, too! Miss you!"

Okay, that didn't happen. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I miss my baby! What can I bitch about if my baby is not with me? Scott? Well, Scott, sure.

Reader Comments (35)

You are simply the best!I have been reading your blog for awhile and you constantly make me laugh to the point of tears.Thank you.
April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCathy
If my dog could talk, that's what our conversations when I'm away from home would sound like (sorry, I'm 40 and childless and have a substitute child - funnily enough, it's made me understand why moms are so nuts about their kids!). I'm always momentarily relieved to be away from all the craziness and then miss the little guy obsessively!
April 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKim
It's especially hard for me when the kids aren't home at night. I love a sleeping kid in his or her own bed, preferably clean, where I can immediately check to see if he or she is still breathing, even though they're 10 and 12 years old. How will I manage when they're at college? Will there be an iPhone app for that by then?
I am sooooo with you on the oranges front. And the sad thing is that our house came with a grove of seventeen orange trees.

On the upside, we never have to pick up dog crap from the backyard because the soil is so acidic it basically swallows turds whole the moment they hit the ground.
*ignoring all references to Scott*It's like pulling the girl's hair in front of you: Everybody knows the surlier the child, the more love is overflowing from their heart.

April 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterScott
How quickly we get lost when our little babies have been pried from our sides.....think of the enormous FUN he is going to be having and all the sweets, treats and lollies his grandparents will fill him with - ready for his sugar filled return to you!

MiniHipster.com

April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiniHipster.com
My dog is at my parents and I'm doing the same thing.

Also, you are hilarious on the green momversation conversation.
April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJRM
HAHAHA, I can't stop laughing!
April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGiselle
I am SO inspired to go check out new fruit. Except for the one that looks like there's alien slime from another planet oozing out the middle.
April 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAngela Williams Duea
My son goes to his father's house EVERY weekend and I go nuts... pretty much every weekend.
June 14, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasie VanGesen

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