Irreverent. Curious. Vaginas.
July 27, 2009Our good friend David Farley recently held a launch party for his book An Irreverent Curiosity. The book is about Farley's adventures in and around Calcata, Italy, a bizarre village famous for once housing a holy relic: the foreskin of Jesus. In the mid-80s, the Holy Foreskin mysteriously disappeared. Farley spent a year in Italy searching for the story behind its disappearance. (It's an amazing book, by the way. It tore me away from Infinite Jest, which is not easy to do these days.)
Anyway. Back to the party! Farley and his wife Jessie—who, incidentally, was my friend way before Farley entered the scene—are friendly with Paulina Porizkova, the supermodel/writer/lovely human being, and she was also at the party. If you've been reading Finslippy for any length of time, you might remember my mentioning that Paulina's mom had been one of my midwives and had, in fact, delivered Henry. The last time I met Paulina, a few years ago, I shared this information with her. Then I got tongue-tied and couldn't think of anything else to talk about, so I backed away, waving and apologizing.
This time I felt a little more confident. Maybe it was all the wine? Hard to say. I suggested to Scott that we talk to her, and he turned this beautiful shade of lavender-gray. I couldn’t hear what he was saying but his mouth was moving frantically. I leaned in. He seemed to be pleading with me not to make him go over there.
"Aw," I said. "You're adorable! Let's go—I'll ask her if I can get her picture with you."
"No no no no," he whisper-shrieked. So cute!
"Oh, come now. At least we can say hello! Remember, her mom was my midwife. It's like we're related."
"I am not talking to Paulina. I had her poster on my bedroom wall. I… no. I will not talk to her."
But we were pushed inexorably forward by the party-tide, and soon we were abutting her circle. Then Paulina turned to us. And said hello.
Before I knew what I was doing I was reminding her that her mother had delivered my son Henry, and then I was showing her my iPhone pictures of Henry, and she was appreciating the pictures in a way that someone who has kids knows they're supposed to do. Scott was smiling and smiling some more. Also waving. But at least not apologizing, which I thought was a step forward for us as a couple. We're learning to socialize! It's never too late, kids!
I decided I was going to regale her with our favorite midwife story, which was when Scott accompanied me to a visit and I complained of yeast infections and Paulina's mom directed me never to wash my vagina with soap. (It was funny at the time.) (You had to be there.) As I was talking I realized that in order to communicate the hilarity of this story, which was not all that funny in the retelling of it, I had to 1) impersonate Paulina's mother, and 2) use the word "vagina" an awful lot. And then I became increasingly self-conscious at how much I was saying "vagina" and how the Czech/Swedish/Vampire accent I was affecting sounded a lot like I was just imitating Paulina, and not in a flattering way. I was horrified for me. Paulina looked concerned, but to her credit, she was not scanning the room for possible exits. I don't think Scott noticed what was happening, because while I yammered on he was sketching Paulina on a napkin.
To my credit, I ended the story quickly and also kept myself from telling Paulina how many stitches her mom had put in my hoo-ha. (That's polite code for "vagina.") Actually I never would have done that, because I don't really know. Maybe Paulina knew? Damn it, I should have asked her.
Miraculously, our new best friend managed to steer the conversation over to a more socially acceptable subject, for which I will be forever grateful. For the next twenty minutes or so we talked about our favorite books. The specific question she asked, which I think is kind of brilliant as a party conversation-topic-when-the-other-people-are-definitely-insane, is a three-parter. 1)What's the book you wish you had written? 2) What book do you read when you want something comforting and familiar? And 3) What book do you think everyone should read?
In response, Scott squeaked something about Noam Chomsky, and then he pulled his shirt over his head and flailed his arms about, shouting, "I'm a headless robot!" Or was that something Henry did this morning? At any rate, Noam Chomsky was mentioned. My responses were 1) To the Lighthouse, because I wanted to impress Paulina, 2) Anything by Laurie Colwin, because it's the truth, and 3) The Master and Margarita, because I wanted to impress Paulina. I'm going to have to think about what my real answers to 1 and 3 would be. The impressing-Paulina choices weren't far off, I think. I'm just glad I didn't say "The Big Book of Vaginas!" or "O, Vagina" or something equally off-kilter.
So. What would your books be?
Reader Comments (107)
2. _Last Days of Summer_ by Steve Kluger (also _My Most Excellent Year_) Under the humor is a treasure that even the most literal reader like myself gets.
3. _The Mysterious Edge of hte Heroic World_ By E.L. Konigsburg Her newer Young Adult fiction contains some of my favorite books. They handle issues (shaken baby death, Holocaust related topics, fighting for what you believe) in ways that kids and adults can appreciate.
2) when my anxiety gets out of hand and i just need to calm the fuck down i reread harry potter starting with the third one and going until i feel better.
3) i want everyone to read cat's cradle by vonnegut. it's my favorite book ever and i've found i can use a person's reaction to it to accurately predict how we will get along.
comforted by: The Thorn Birds. Weird, I know. Also, Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon
everyone should read: The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy. God, how I love this book.
I read Pride and Prejudice for comfort.
Everyone should read The Crow Road by Iain Banks or The Sea Road by Margaret Elphinstone.
And I'm right there with you on Laurie Colwin. She is much missed.
Also, I totally second Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore.
2) The book I turn to for comfort is "The Book of Ebenezer LePage" I've never met another soul who has read it but I keep it next to my bed and just love how it describes life and the people of the island of Guernsey - a precurser to "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society" which is also very comforting.
3) Everyone should read "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. Really makes you think, and the world would be a better place if everyone understood more about our relationship with what we eat.
2) What book do you read when you want something comforting and familiar?Jane Eyre
3) What book do you think everyone should read?Grapes of Wrath (Steinbeck)
Read for comfort: Anne of Green Gables books, or Jane Eyre
Everyone should read: The Go-Between by L.P. Hartley
1) Interpreter of Maladies2) A Town Like Alice or Cannery Row3) No idea. Picking a book for this category is like picking a tattoo for your face.
You lost me at vagina.
Dreamily,Joe
2. Harriet the Spy or the Pistachio Prescription or the Little House series - anything I read to the point of memorization as a child - when I re-read as an adult, the words just come flooding back in my head before I read them.....
3. All of Jane Austen, because she is damn funny.
2) Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men
3) Any or All of Vonnegut
I wish I had written The Brothers Karamazov (Dostoevsky)or anything else in such a perfect Russian style. To be able to write about Philosophy, passion and faith is a tough one.
Comfort - TRUTH - Diana Gabaldon's outlander series is the tops in historical romance and I like me some love for comfort.
Hmmm everyone should read I have to go with The Scarlett Letter (Nathaniel Hawthorne). It is complex and disturbing and wonderful!