Here are words I wrote elsewhere

Did you forget to read my August Redbook column? Hmm.

I think you should know that while searching the Redbook site for my latest essay, I saw the headline "What to Do with Difficult Kids," and immediately clicked on it because I thought I might find helpful advice. (Not that Henry is "difficult," per se, but let's just say that our waking hours have become delightfully challenging.)

You can imagine my surprise when I discovered that not only did this column have zero advice, it was also written by me. I'm guessing the good people at Redbook are trying to bring in a little search-engine traffic, with that title. Which means I am certainly not going to click on their "Multiple Orgasm Technique" article because it's probably a recipe for cobbler. Although, come to think of it, I do enjoy a cobbler.

I especially enjoy multiple cobblers.

When you're in New York City, the best place by far to take kids is the American Museum of Natural History. Okay, maybe our kids might prefer one of those massive toy stores with animatronic characters that sing and pelt you with candy, but those establishments tend to cause adult brains to liquefy and dribble out through their ear canals. The natural-history museum is one of the few places our kids enjoy that can keep our brains nice and firm. Everybody wins!

I couldn't wait to tell Henry the plan. He would be out of his mind with joy. The last time we were at the museum, about a year before, he'd wheeled from one exhibit to the next, panting "Can I touch the giant meteorite?" and "Let's see the space show again!" and "Is that a real whale hanging up there on the ceiling? Can it fall down on us?" He had to be dragged out at the end of the day. If you're ever visiting the museum, you can still see little-boy claw marks across the floor leading out of Theodore Roosevelt Memorial Hall.

The next morning I sprung the news of our upcoming excursion on him as he dug into his granola. I waited for him to look up and beam at me.

Instead he glowered down at his cereal. "That place?!" he said. "Ugh. Bor-ing."

Here are the rest of the words. You may comment there, or, hell, comment here. Or don't comment at all. No matter what you decide, I will love you. I will love you so hard.

Comments

[Rebecca]

You crack me up! Thanks!

[Andrea A]

Alice, you make my day. thanks for writing!

[Cincy]

What high school does he go to? What's that? He's only seven? Good luck to you, Alice!

[jenniferc]

so sweet and adorable...at least at the end :)

[suburbancorrespondent]

Okay, now I have to contemplate a blog post with a list of "What To Do With Difficult Kids" (alternate title: "They're Gonna Be Sorry!")

[Cara]

And this would be why my Mom always says "the kids who make the best adults are the most challenging to raise." I'm six weeks in to this parenting venture, and my wee one already shows her intentions of being active, curious and independent. My Mom is gleefully awaiting the payback.

(And, apparently I'm not fully over that contrary streak because I planned to post this on Redbook until I realized they were going to make me sign up with their site. I don't want to, so I'm posting here.)

[Holly]

I LOVE that when you write for other people, you still have personality. So many people LOSE their fun writing personality so thanks for not making me say, "Ugh. Bor-ing."

:)

[LivewithFlair]

Cobblers have power. Blackberry ones especially. http://www.livewithflair.blogspot.com/

[Leslie Turnbull]

If Redbook had more material like that, I might actually read it on a regular basis.

[DeNae]

I'm all about cobbler. And Natural History museums. In fact, next time, I think I'll just leave my kid at the museum and head home for some dessert.

[Zina]

This is such a perfect description of a classic interaction with a "difficult child." (Apparently all 5 of my kids are difficult children.) Last week I pressured my ten-year-old into going on a medium-sized roller coaster with me. Right after the ride started, she said, "I don't want to go on this. I mean it, I REALLY don't want to go on this." I looked over at her and said, "It's too late."

After the ride ended, she said she LOVED it. It was so much fun! It was the most fun she'd ever had!

This is why I force my kids to do miserable things like having fun.

[Finola]

I most certainly did not forget to read your column. In fact I read it in Redbook during my cottage vacation. I laughed and disturbed the other cottagers.Bestest....

[Cindy]

Oh man...his teenage years are going to be awesome.

[rebeccanyc]

Oh you are so in trouble. Can you state the opposite opinion, like "I know you hate the museum, so we are not going to go there ever again"? Or is that going to backfire on this one? He sounds pretty smart (to put it mildly)

[Elizabeth]

Ah...my 3 year old is similar. I have taken to giving her a choice between 2 outfits, and she never can decide because they are both SO BEAUTIFUL, so I finally pick the one I DON'T want her to wear because she immediately wants to wear the other one because the one I picked is SO UGLY and uncomfortable and she might as well wear a paper bag. But - you know what? She is starting school this week and I don't have any (ok, not too many) qualms because if there is 1 thing I know, it is that child can take care of herself!

Also...cobbler. Yum. I think I am going to tell her that cobbler is delicious. Then she won't eat it anymore - more for me!!!

[Wombat Central]

Sadly, I understand the less-than-enthusiastic response. My almost eight-year-old son has declared a multitude of things "boring." Oy. Pass the cobbler.

[Jim]

My wife says I'm not allowed to read your site any more, what with all the hard lovin' and all... :)

[Annebel]

Please bring back your blogroll and I will read you everyday, again. You were first, and then all the rest. Now I have go look all over the place. Too random for my ocd. That is why I have not read your August Redbook thing, because I don't come here everyday, anymore.

[Aimee Greeblemonkey]

I might just comment BOTH places so the love is TWICE as hard.

P.S. Awesome seeing you at Blogher!

[Olivia Singleton]

Multiple cobblers. Love it!

[Emily]

"Words don't have to mean everything, you know." Classic! I remember being just like Henry when I was little. Anything my parents liked, I hated. I grew out of it, though, so there's hope!

[Antonia]

Oh, the constant battle of wits, of carefully choreographed psychological tactics. Pulling spazzy faces behind the kids' backs is the only way I get through most days.

I love the bit about Charlie having to leave the room.

[Amser]

Love it, Alice. You rawk.

[EduFunToys]

Amazing how quickly something can go from AWESOME to BOR-ING :) Not that I'm a fan of museums either, but once you get me to go, they're usually fun.

[Mauigirl]

Loved that article, which I did read at the Redbook site earlier. Ironically I just had guests from out of town (a friend and her 15-year-old daughter) and we went to the Museum of Natural History - which was indeed a smashing success. Then ate out in the city at The Ear Inn which was also a success.