Competitive parenting

Want to see my September column in Redbook? Say no more.

When it comes to parenting — and most everything else — I'm cursed with both a competitive streak and terminal laziness. I deeply want to excel, but I'd rather not work at it. I'd prefer that my natural skills and charm catapult me to the top. That competitive mind-set kicked into high gear when I got pregnant. I compared myself with every pregnant woman I could find. I found it difficult, however, to figure out if I was ahead. How do you measure pregnancy success? Degree of rosy glow? Lowest number of stretch marks? To the extent that I could quantify my superiority, I found that instead of winning, I seemed to not even be placing. I spied a beaming pregnant woman in the bookstore, and she didn't have any lunch-related stains on her shirt. While taking a waddling stroll, I spotted a woman with what appeared to be a third trimester belly, and she was jogging. Jogging!

The rest is here.

This is my last column for Redbook. There's a new editor-in-chief, you see, and she's shaking things up. That's what she's there to do! If you have any opinion on that, there's a comment section over there. Is all I'm saying.

Updated to add: Whoa, readers of mine! Although my column is ending, I'll still be working with Redbook in the future, and I happen to be quite fond of my editors there. I appreciate the supportive comments on their site, but there's no need to threaten or abuse them. Also, remind me to stay in your good graces. Phew.

Comments

[hi kooky]

As always, much love for your article. My 7-year old son recently informed me that he does not like any form of school, that he will NOT have a job when he grows up, and that he will indeed spend all of his adult years relaxing. I wonder what Ms. Rain Forest would think of that.

[creativechaos]

I read your article and loved it! I was so happy when I saw you were a regular columnist. I'll make sure to place my complaint in the box.

I LOVED this part the best.....

"When it comes to parenting — and most everything else — I'm cursed with both a competitive streak and terminal laziness. I deeply want to excel, but I'd rather not work at it. I'd prefer that my natural skills and charm catapult me to the top."

I thought holy crap that's me. I suddenly feel understood.

[JB]

Ok I tried to post a comment on Redbook but didn't see it and thought I got "censored," so I tried to post again and now both comments show up?......I dunno.

Nonetheless, they are crazy if they don't keep you! You're hilarious and the only reason I go to that site! (Definitely NOT for the "Cute Kid Wars," I don't even want to know what that entails...am staying far away from that war zone...)

[Amanda]

Alice, I've been a regular at finslippy for about a year and Redbook subscriber as well. I was so excited when you started writing for Redbook....I just left a plea to keep you over in the comments of your article.

[Homa]

I was actually up for renewal and won't be doing so. Loved your columns. Also, the food allergy story made me so mad as the mom of a highly allergic child. The "spin" they put on it was frustrating.

[Suzy]

When anyone comes in at the top of any company anywhere (here in LA it's brutal) they have this insane need to 86 everything they didn't think of. Or create.

Then if it fails under their watch, they take the heat.

I've always believed that one door closing is all for the best. Although it sometimes takes me 6 years to see that.

I used to temp at Redbook and steal all the new socks and hosiery from the fashion closet. I still have some of them.

I hope you feel vindicated because of my confession.

[Momagement]

So I just find you and your fabulous writing, and Redbook lets you go? Booooo.

Loved your article. Described me - and I suspect most other moms - to an (albeit unsettling) T.

PS - I didn't work out AT ALL when I was pregs. Which is now painfully obvious. I blame a combo of sciatica and laziness.

[Jessica]

So I just find you and your fabulous writing, and Redbook lets you go? Booooo.

Loved your article. Described me - and I suspect most other moms - to an (albeit unsettling) T.

PS - I didn't work out AT ALL when I was pregs. Which is now painfully obvious. I blame a combo of sciatica and laziness.

[Boston Mamas]

No doubt this will serve to clear space for the next awesome opportunity my friend!

[Jen]

Created an account at Redbook just to support you! And now I wont go back to visit. Boo on them!

As for the column, I too am competitive/lazy. Can totally relate! We will all continue to support you in all your ventures:)

[Donna]

Another great article. (and I loved the fan comments at the end, too.) Hope you get lots more work from Redbook down the road.

[Tabitha (From Single to Marrie]

You're such a talented writer - I'm glad to read that you will continue to work with Redbook!

[Laura]

I worked in a daycare, as a nanny and then in an Elementary school before I had kids so I got to see the best and worst of parenting. When I got pregnant, I developed hyperemesis so I was too busy puking and getting IVs to really worry about being the BEST.PREGGO.EVER! Still, even with everything I knew, after my oldest son was born I fell prey to the Internet message boards and developed this quite rational belief that all women were like the judgemental freaks on message boards. Because of this I really isolated myself, much to my detriment. I think if I had been around other mothers I would have noticed that my oldest wasn't on target as far as speech is concerned, which could have saved us a lot of money in speech therapy. When my second was born I was around other mothers more due to my oldest being in preschool but I still had a fear of other mothers because of the competetive parenting crap and it took a lot of therapy to get over this. I wish I had read this column and heard about the free range parenting movement long ago so I could have known that there were other mothers out there who had a sane approach to parenting and didn't turn everything into a competition.

I think Redbook is doing women a disservice by canceling your column but then again it might compete with their helpful advice on how you are doing everything else in your life the wrong way. Here's to some other company recognizing that your advice is sorely needed in this world.

[Ranger]

I had to Google Bionicle. So, we're even. Aren't we?

[Meagan Francis]

Gah! I tried to post over at Redbook, but despite trying three times I couldn't sign in (and I know I already have a Hearst sign-in though maybe Redbook wants a different one, I don't know, I tried!)

Anyway, this part made me laugh out loud: "Meanwhile, I consider it a good day when I remember to tell Henry to wipe the waffle crumbs from his cheeks after breakfast. I have different priorities, I tell myself. I could do those things if I wanted to!"

Sometimes I don't even bother wiping the crumbs away. After all, I tell myself, my child's cheeks belong to him, and I'm teaching him to be self-reliant and wipe them if he wants--or honor his own desire to hold be crumby if that is his choice. See? You can justify almost any laziness if you try hard enough. :)

My latest blog posts are all about knowing your strengths, and that's really what it's about, right? We can't all turn every playdate into a sing-a-long. In fact, some of us would rather not even host playdates (Myself, I love having kids over at our house, but not if I have to schedule it in advance).That's why it's so great that we're all good at different things. I'll gladly rock someone's newborn baby while you take a shower and a long nap, and then hopefully she'll reciprocate by teaching my kids how to cut with scissors properly, a skill I never really learned.

[mk]

I can't believe a lady in her third trimester was jogging!

[Liz]

Wow. First Julia (here be hippogriffs) and now you? Ugh. I have to admit, after they dumped Julia I haven't gone back. I'm sorry to those who read Redbook that your column won't be there. They lost me with their dumb decisions a year ago.

[Emily]

"Our children make up a beautiful rainbow, each with their own special qualities, or whatever." Love it!

[AES]

"When it comes to parenting — and most everything else — I'm cursed with both a competitive streak and terminal laziness. I deeply want to excel, but I'd rather not work at it."

Alice - will you PLEASE get out of my head!! absolutely hilarious.

[Jennifer June]

All the theme songs I write about my childrens' friends on my acoustic guitar would get me in enough trouble that their parents wouldn't let them come over anymore but it's cathartic.Also, if it makes you feel any better, I usually don't remember the field trips until about a week after the event.Bad mom.

[SGP]

Oh man, I just popped over to Redbook to read the comments and someone wrote WTH! Hilarious. Really? H? What the hey! What the heavens! What IS that hoopla about after all? Come on, let's F S up guys.

[Sarah Frederick]

Oh, Alice.... I so enjoy your writing. I can relate to your experiences all too well. Those times when I am a second shy of ripping my hair out of the roots, I read your blog and it keeps the smile on my face. Thanks =)

[Mom101]

The article is fabulous and if Redbook has any sense, they're not actually canceling your column, they're just freeing you up for huge features paying $127 a word.

(I am willing it to happen.)

[Summer]

You know I love you, sometimes there are just NO WORDS... =)

Although, if I was paid to write about how much I love you, I would find as many words as I could.

[Minnesota nice mom]

I am a sneaky competitive mom! Instead of serving whole wheat pancakes made from scratch with maple syrup I tapped myself, I serve the left over birthday cake. I may not win votes with the mom crowd but I am definitely top mom among the kiddos.