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Home - Bottom Row

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 


Ho ho hurrrgh

On Saturday we did a thing we should not have done. We went to the Toys R Us in Times Square.

If you live in New York, if you've ever visited New York, or if you have even a smidgen of sense you are wondering what might be wrong with us. "Don't go to the Toys R Us in Times Square on a Saturday, especially on a Saturday a few weeks before Christmas" is right up there in the Most Obvious Advice Category, right after "Don't do a Google Image Search for 'syphilis.'"

The answer is, I have no answer for you. We took leave of our senses. We were in the neighborhood, we were already suffering, and Saturday being the first day of Hanukkah, we thought we'd get a little something for Henry because usually I get him something and I forgot. We thought "How bad could it be, really?" and we shared that thought with one another, and the response that came back to us was not "Worse than you can possibly imagine in your worst nightmares." It was not "Hieronymus Bosch-like levels of horrible."

Like this, only
waaaay more crowded.

Even Henry, who was pretty amped up about getting a Hanukkah gift, was like, "Mother? Father? We are leaving here and never returning." Unfortunately we had already entered, and were trapped in a sea of people. You can't paddle upstream, when it's people. You somehow find yourself on the up escalator, wondering if they really need to have the enormous animatronic T-Rex blasting and lurching like it's going to eat us and making the kids scream and you know what? I'm not writing about this anymore. It was horrible! The end!

The good news is we got out. And also we never have to go there ever again. But seriously, Toys R Us? You are not allowed to let your stores exceed maximum capacity. You are lucky no one was injured. Or maybe they were, and you stuffed them in your T-Rex? Either way, you are worse than terrible.

Let's forget all about Toys R Us. Let's watch Maymo, shall we? Hi Maymo!

Maymo always helps. And never hurts. Maymo is un-terrible.

What else? Well, my friends! WELL! I've got the second round of A Practice of Writing coming up, beginning January 14th. (Those of you paying attention will note that I changed the date from December 31st. Who starts a class on New Year's Eve? Honestly.) I will be opening registration this week. Get ready.



After the publication of Let's Panic About Babies! in 2011, both our editor and agent left the publishing industry. "What's the point of continuing?" we assume they thought. "We have published the perfect book. Our work here is done."  And while worthy replacements stepped in right away, some details got lost in the transition. Like the fact that our book was being published in Germany.


Actually our editor had mentioned it as a possibility, shortly before she sailed off into the Great Unknown. Failing to hear any sort of follow-up, Eden and I naturally assumed the Germans were disgusted by our attempts to make light of the baby-making process (insert lengthy German word for "baby-making process."). But apparently it was a go, after all. Which we discovered when these books arrived at our respective doorsteps. Sent by the stork! Der Klapperstorch!


I'm glad to see that HUMOR at the end, there. I mean, what if the Germans took us seriously? And an entire nation believed that someone could mistake a horseshoe crab for their own child?


Here's the best part: according to Google Translate, the German title for our book is THEY ALWAYS COME OUT. I've been reminding Henry of this fact as we go about our day. "They always come out, Henry." "Yes, mom. I know." "Always."



THEY ALWAYS COME OUT is my favorite title ever. Is it too late to change the name of our book? Second edition, maybe?



(p.s.: there's no German equivalent for "Huggs," I guess. Also, that first bullet point is supposed to be "gently bearded," not "friendly beard." Who has a friendly beard? Ridiculous!)



(p.p.s.: "Funkle, funkle?" Really, German?)



(p.p.s: TAFT! WAR! FETT!)


Lo, there came upon the family two new members, and they were good 





No, she's not mine. I WISH. This here is Madeleine, my niece!




My brother James is marrying the sweet, lovely, incredibly brave (sorry, James) Gillian, who comes complete with BABY. That's what we call "value added."

I have no pictures of Gillian because when I met the baby I was too busy 1) adoring her and 2) trying not to eat her whole. You'll have to take my word for it when I tell you they are an attractive couple.

And oh my word. THIS BABY GIRL. Babies are even better when they're not yours. 




I say unto thee: I bring you tidings of great joy, and also hook a baby up with some victuals, wilt thou?

Oh, Maddy. I wilt. I WILT.


Get some inspiration, win some art, give back--how can you lose? 

1. A Month of Writing Prompts registration ends November 26. That's in six days! Hurry! Here are the details.

The fee is 30%, with 30% of net proceeds going to Masbia, a nonprofit soup kitchen network and food pantry in New York.

EDITED TO ADD: I will send out a confirmation email to the entire group on the 26th. I've never had a Paypal payment go missing, so rest assured that if you've paid, I have your information and you're on the list!

2. Even though Camp Mighty has ended, the campaign to raise money for charity:water is still going strong. Please donate, and if you want to win a 7" by 10" custom-painted watercolor, donate at least $20 and include the comment, "Paint it up, Alice Bradley!" Here are some samples of my work. The watercolors will go to the top five highest bidders, so bid it up, world!

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