But first, a few words on my latest foray into the world of Quality Journalism: a brief, yet pulse-raising, story on the joys of alternative grains. Oh, the things I now know about alternative grains. I could opine for hours on the wonders of sorghum, the delights of quinoa, the buckwheatiness of buckwheat. The information I have on quinoa would curl your hair. The depth of my knowledge regarding amaranth—if I shared a single tidbit with you, your jackets would grow epaulets. For instance: In the month of Panquetzaliztli*, the Aztecs used a paste made with amaranth seeds and human blood to create dough figures of their gods. There. Now go check your closet. It’s a good thing the military look is back in style.
As for buckwheat, hold on to your shoes: it’s not wheat. Not wheat at all. Call it wheat, and within seconds aging natural-food-store managers will burst out of your closet to flog you with their gray-streaked ponytails. The End.
b) Sesame Street.
c) Come with me (“Come on, Mommy” will also be accepted as correct.)
d) This was the toughest one: Swing at the playground. Even I didn’t get this one, for a few harrowing days.
2. The official answer is “D,” but I’m pretty sure he’s said all of these things at one point or another. And as for the comment’s reception: she was quite amused, as she herself taught him the word “booze.” Sigh.
3-7. Well, duh. Obviously C. Although I think C is the answer to everything in life.
I was amazed at the near-accuracy of your answers. (Carole and LOD, especially, as they were the first to identify some of the phrases in question.) You are all very good, and deserve many awards, none of which I have to give. But didn’t I just give you free epaulets?
*Panquetzaliztli is my favorite month. Sure, it's cold, but who doesn't look forward to a few bites out of an amaranth-and-blood Xochipilli during the feast of Huauquiltamalcualitztli?