A house! A house for us!
March 7, 2006I haven’t told you about our new house! And it’s all God’s fault.
I have, in the past couple of weeks, found myself newly fearful of the Lord’s wrath. My God, it seems, is a vengeful God, replacing the God who compelled my parents to purchase the Barbie Dream Boat or the God who made sure my ex-boyfriend didn’t get a date to the prom. This God will take away our pretty house if he hears me bragging about it too much. He will send armies of termites into our pretty house’s support beams, and not even joists of steel will keep our (pretty) shelter from tumbling down upon the earth, and the ancient but lovely windows will shatter upon the ground, and mine enemies will rejoice, yea verily.
That said, I couldn’t wait until we had closed on the place to share our news, so I decided that God does not bother himself with blogs.
But enough about my petty God. We have a house! Here's how it went: we saw the listing, fell instantly and completely in love, decided it was too pretty for us to deserve, visited and were depressed because it was so pretty and it would undoubtedly go to someone nicer and better-looking, worried that the neighborhood is too sketchy, fell into an even deeper depression, were put in touch with a couple of residents of said neighborhood (thanks to my blog readers! My nice blog readers!), were reassured that the area is not at all sketchy, worried about the school, found out that the school is great, found out there were nine other bidders, freaked out, made the best offer we could, and here we are. A house! Us! We have a house! It’s a four-bedroom (FOUR!) and it has two sunrooms (TWO!) and an enclosed porch (AN!) and my god, but we love it.
We were fairly certain that someone (God) would take our house away from us because it’s so nice and so pretty pretty, but so far even the inspector couldn’t scare us away. We were certain he would take one look and say, “But these walls—they’re made of taffy! And the windows are just cling-wrap stapled into some lincoln logs!” and then we would cry and move into our nearby friend’s garage. It’s a two-car garage. Maybe we would like it.
Which is not to say that there aren’t issues with the house. It’s been relatively well maintained, but it’s over 90 years old. Also it’s probably teeming with ghosts. I was hoping the inspector would also check for ghosts, but he didn’t respond to my hints. I asked him, “Does it feel, you know, crowded in here?” and he said yes, why don’t you step outside.
Beyond the families of ghosts, there’s a tiny bit of water damage, a smidgen of termite damage, the chimney needs some work, there’s some creative wiring, and also the backyard is a swamp. On the other hand, we paid about $40K less than we thought we would.
Home ownership, I have learned, means you have to know stuff. Two weeks ago, if you had used words like “soffit” and “fascia” and “downspouts” and “garage,” I would have said, “I’ve heard of this ‘garage’, but about those other things, whuuuuh?” And now I’m tossing these terms around like I know what I’m talking about, because soon I’m pretty sure I will know! By gum, I’m learning!
In closing, let me say that if you have to call a contractor whose last name is Schwalbenberg, it’s probably a good idea if immediately beforehand you and your spouse don’t periodically cry out SCHWALBENBERRRG at each other or ask each other “If I asked you to hold my Schwalbenberg, would you still love me?” Because then? You’ll call Schwalbenberg, and while you’re leaving a message you’ll snort helplessly with laughter as you try to say his name and then you’ll have to hang up and call back and leave a message with a slightly different voice.
SCHWALBENBERG!
Reader Comments (114)
Okay, it's silly, but in my wildest, greatest, most fantastical dreams I have always envied those with a porch. Because, then, you can be like Flannery O'Conner or some crap like that and say things like, "Let's go set on the porch for a spell." And you don't even have to be southern. AT all. You just get to say "set" by having a porch. I give you permission. If God's okay with it, anyway. I didn't know she read this blog too. Just fyi. You are living my fantasy. A PORCH. Wow.
(The inside of the house is nice too.)
We bought an old house in Philly, and after the realtor handed us the keys, she said, "Oh, but the way...the husband in the last couple who lived here developed multiple personality disorder, and one of his personalities tried to kill his wife. But he's locked away now."
I assumed she meant the entire husband and not just the personality with a penchant for arsenic.
Anyway, lots of sage. And it seemed to work. There was only one ghost left - a woman who my DD said cleaned her room (!) - and she didn't make much noise.
But - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! New house! Many blessings, bread, salt and wine coming your way!
Big congrats! Such great news...I can't even think of anything original to say, I'm just plain thrilled for you guys, with not one bit of wry anything to offer. Yay! Big yays!
Pics! Oh, please! At least of the sunroom...
(I am about to sell my beautiful wonderful house that I came upon in much the same way you did yours, with similar disbelief that I could get so lucky--I'm terrified my next place will be really terrible. But you did it! On the east coast! I have hope!)