A startlingly accurate account of what's going on in my head right now
May 2, 2011
Brain: Did you know? Depressed people have shorter life spans.
Me: Oh, for the love of--cite your studies!
Brain: Oh, but there have been so many. Depression increases the risk of heart disease, cancer, strokes… isn't this a tremendous bummer? Let's think about your tragically abbreviated life for a while. Aw. You need another tissue?
Me: You are being such a prick right now, it's not even funny.
Brain: You know what else isn't funny? Congestive heart failure. Sad face. Guess you won't see your grandkids.
Me: You realize that you are me, right? You're just messing with yourself.
Brain: I just think you should think about how you're being a terrible parent NOW, while you're still alive.
Me: Wait, what? What does that have to do with--
Brain: Your terrible parenting which will be the only legacy you leave in your short, sad life. Oh, wait, I forgot--you co-wrote a fake parenting book. Yeah, I'm sure that'll be one for the ages.
Me: But…but Kirkus Reviews liked it.
Brain: Sure. Kirkus liked it, which means it'll never end up in the remainder bin. Nope. You're like Virgil or whomever.
Me: Oh, that's it. You know what? BOXER ON A TRAMPOLINE, THAT'S WHAT. Blammo!
Brain: OH MY GOD THAT DOG IS ADORABLE--I mean, ahem, that dog is probably dead now?
Me: Nope. Not working. That dog cheered me up, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Brain: The dangers of trampolines? The effects of trampolines on depression? Uh?
Me: Can't hear you over all the joyous barking.
Brain: I bet that dog's dead. I'm going to go find out.
Me: Meantime, I'm just going to go ahead and get a load of a disapproving rabbit.
Brain: DAMN YOU.
Me: Just enjoy the rabbit, why don't you?
Brain: Cinnamon does love his carrot top.
Me: There you go.
Brain: You've won this round, Bradley. You've won this round. But as soon as we're done with this, I'm going to find some studies about…something. See if I don't.
Me: Shhh, now.
Reader Comments (33)
When I am feelin' a little blue not only do I watch cute animal videos but also this song always seems to cheer me up! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r61LFkzKzQQ. This is a new and upcoming artist, her name is Rachel Platten and the song is 1000 Ships, she is super cute and very upbeat and inspiring. I would recommend everyone check her out, I will guarantee she will put a smile on your face!
Oh sweet Alice....how I love thee. =)
I love that you are so open and honest and funny and witty and pretty and bright. You remind me so much of me. ha!
I've been blogging my journey (off and on) of dealing with anxiety, and it is ever so refreshing to have someone like you speak up as well and make it a little more normal. Because I really do think MORE people have struggles like this, than those who don't. Making those "normal" ones, really, the abnormal ones.
Neither here nor there....
All I can say, is that I'm realizing the journey is there for a reason, and there IS a greater purpose in it all. I mean, just look at all the people you are impacting and giving hope and laughter to....see? A greater purpose!
So hang in there mama. Continue to redirect those nasty UNTRUE thoughts, and find a way to belly laugh at LEAST once a day. =) The Ellen Show has actually become an awesome natural anti-anxiety supplement....
So....how about this novel, huh?
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I LOVE disapproving bunnies! Keep fighting, one bunny at a time. One day at a time ok and be kind to yourself.
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Sorry I thought for a moment you were a bit dyslexic like me and Brian was talking to you (Joke!)
I think most normal people have these conversations - I use the word normal advisedly because I have these conversations. I talk to me, however, I don't think it is my brain - maybe it is - I have never really thought about it!
My talks-to-myself are not in dialogue form like yours are. I sort of get involved in pretend situations that may one day come true.
When I am jogging or biking to keep fit I often reprimand myself for slowing the pace - I have been known to swear at the head-wind the odd time.
PHYSICAL FITNESS HELPS MENTAL FITNESS = FACT. So get out there and find the best ellipitical for home use and your brain will love you for it!
Hey, nothing wrong with talking to yourself - these are some of the most insightful conversations I have. If you get a bit hot and bothered and need to calm yourself (generally when someone has upset us we tend to soliloquise which can get us "het up") then go get some ice from the small fridge and rub on your temples - this can be very soothing!
That just about sums up what went on in my head when I read an article about SSRIs (like Prozac) and its supposed link to shorter life spans and strokes and heart attacks. With certain additions like "but if I "stop" then I will be miserable for the rest of my childrens' lives and the potential grandchildren...no one will thank me for that". So I asked my husband who grunted his response, "so you die a little early, but at least you die happy" What he didn't say, but I knew he was thinking was... "and you don't put me through years of misery". So I won the battle with my brain, and the Prozac stays!
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