About last night

I realize there is little on Earth more boring than hearing about someone else's dreams, but I just slept for twelve hours, and before that I was writing for twelve hours. What else is there to talk about? The good part is you don't have to listen to me droning on and on ("then I was in my apartment, but it wasn't my apartment, but it was, you know? And you you were there, only you weren't you, exactly..."). You may skim this as needed.

Since Eden and I found out that the Let's Panic about Babies book was a go, I have been enjoying nightmares the likes of which I haven't experienced since I was a kid, when there were scary things in the closet and under my bed, and while I was asleep they would come out and show themselves to me. These days my nightmares are moderately more sophisticated, as I now rarely worry about the monsters lurking in the shadows. Even though they're there. In the form of giant dust bunnies that probably contain H1N1, for all I know.

So last night I had a fairly mild nightmare for me. I didn't, for one, wake up lurching out of bed, clawing at my throat, so that was nice. In the dream, Scott and Henry and I were staying at some kind of summertime resort. It was our last night there, and I was up in the middle of the night because I had to change the multiple litter boxes (?) that festooned our condo-style apartment. As I entered the living room, I found a horde of EMTs, working diligently on a group of cub scouts, all of whom were lying unconscious on our floor.

I tried to find out what was the matter, but no one would answer me, so I got to work embracing various cub scouts and kissing them all over their heads and singing soothing lullabies; figuring, I guess, that if I wasn't going to get an answer I might as well help out, in some small way. At this point one of the EMTs leaned over to inform me that these boys had an incredibly uncomfortable, potentially fatal, extremely contagious virus. And then the boy I was embracing leaned over and vomited in my lap.

Oh!

I dropped the kid and ran to the sink to wash off, and then the real nightmare-y stuff started, because Henry was also sick, and then he disappeared, and everything started to look weird and spooky, blah blah usual scary crap blar.

And there was all this...stuff in my mouth. This is a recurring theme in my dreams, that my mouth is filled with clay, or gum, or oatmeal, or something, and I can't communicate and I'm scooping it out but it keeps returning. So I'm performing my familiar dream-scoop when I realize, wait a minute, this is a DREAM, I don't have weird crap in my mouth for no reason in regular life! Almost never happens!

I have rarely had such moments of lucidity while dreaming, so this was exciting. I realized I could do anything I wanted! This dream was mine for the taking! So I said OUT LOUD, "Why, then I'll be gay!"

Because what else do you do in a dream, if you could do anything you wanted? You get gay, obviously! It's an unprecedented gay opportunity!

Standing next to me was a particularly fetching lady EMT, and I then took her by the hand and, without warning, we both flew up into the sky together. At which point I woke up, laughing. Because really, it figures that when I finally get a lucid dream, it would turn into the ending of Zapped.

(Sadly, I can't find a Youtube clip of the ending of Zapped, so you're going to have to take my word for it. Scott Baio and, uh, a girl? fly up into the sky together. It is silly.)

Comments

[Em]

My prediction is those cub scouts got the virus from all those filthy litter boxes throughout the condo. Also? What the helk were you doing with a group of cub scouts in your condo? On vacation?

[Jennifer Sutton]

Agh! I've been reading your blog for about 6 months and JUST found out you are friends with one of my BEST FRIENDS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, Emily Greenhill (or maybe you know here as Emily Pierce as in wife of Adam Pierce). I just saw Emily at our 20th High School Reunion(Cate Latting was there, too, now I'm thinking you know her, too, in fact am just now realizing maybe Cate's the one who even told me about your blog in the first place??) and I was trying to convince her to try Twitter and then started talking about blogs in general, yours came up and ANYWAY very long story short (or really still a little bit long, my apologies) she was like "Finslippy? You mean Alice Bradley? We know her. We love her. We trade babysitting with her." Anyhoo, small, teeny-ish world, dontcha think?

[Kendra]

That is the best dream choice ever! If you're going to decide what you get to do in your dream, by all means, grab the nearest pretty EMT and fly away!

[Chrysalis]

Well, Alice, as a gay woman, I have to say, way to go. You have now uncovered the super secret gay recruiting tool...

That's right.

Lesbians can fly.

NOW what are we going to do??? Damn you and your prophetic super power revealing dreams!

I guess we'll just have to pick up x ray vision!

[Mignon]

I have the goop-in-mouth dream. In my case it's almost always old gum (in my dream). And then I wake up with a terrible, choking dry mouth, usually from too much wine, but mostly from living in a dry climate. A humidifier helps. If the water gets too low in the humidifier, the gum comes back.

[Maria]

Ok, so flying lesbians – sign me up! Heterosexuality is not really working out all that well for me these days, and I NEVER get to fly.

[Stewbie]

Isn't there a puking scene in Zapped, too? I believe there is. Maybe you're harboring a hidden fascination with Scott Baio.

[Colleen Wainwright]

Gay, straight, cub scouts, flying monkeys...WHATEVER, dude. I didn't know you guys had sold a book! That's AWESOME.

I think this is probably just your subconscious, working out cover designs. So rock on with that sh*t.

Also, TWELVE HOURS?!?! Of EITHER?!?

[Sara -- The Football Wife]

I'm still stuck on the 12 hours of sleep part... beautiful.

[Christina (Apron Strings)]

If I could sleep for sleep for 12 hours-I'd happily turn gay!

[Privilege of Parenting]

I had a dream where feathers were in my mouth and kept coming out when I talked. My kid interpreted it as meaning that I talk too much. Then I had a lucid dream which I knew was a dream because a friend who is dead was at a party doing the dishes. My kid was there and I told him that I knew it was a dream and so we could fly (I wasn't so creative as to become gay). We were flying around and a sour woman looked at us like we were crazy for flying and I told her it was dream so she could fly too. I hoisted her up and tossed her out to fly, but she belly-flopped on the floor and I woke up laughing.

As for vomiting cub scouts, it makes me think that you are truly trying to give as best as you can, but the collective has so much sickness that there is the natural fear that it can overwhelm you just as your dreams of being able to give expand. The gay relationship with the sexy EMT could also be read as you learning to truly love and heal yourself, which in turn benefits the parents you inspire and all our collective children

Namaste