And I've seen pooping!

Here’s a strange fact about New Yorkers you may not know, if’n you don’t live here: people here think it's acceptable to clip their nails on the subway. I wish I knew why. I wish I could give a passable excuse for the people from all walks of life I see clipping away, letting their nail bits fly with abandon all over the train, skittering across the train’s floor, probably landing in someone else’s sandals, that person screaming WHY GOD WHY while God can only shake his head and weep in horror.

It’s not like nail clipping is the worst thing I’ve seen on the subway; I’ve witnessed exhibitionism and self-mutilation and private acts of love and some intensely distasteful grooming routines, but those were all performed by people with serious mental problems. No excuses are needed for those people. Abandoned by the system, they have been given implicit leave by the City of New York to go ahead and frottage* themselves against a subway pole. Go ahead! We just won’t ever touch that pole again!

But the nail clipping, people. Nail clipping. I’ve seen makeup applied, creams slathered on, nail polish removed—I watched a woman curl her eyelashes on a bus—and while I would never condone such behavior, I at least sort of get why (okay, except the creams, especially the smelly creams). But nail clipping? Can’t it wait? Do you want to impress your fellow passengers with your grooming habits? Does the idea of standing over a trash can or a sink while clipping fill you with despair? Are you hoping to meet someone who loves the feel of freshly clipped nails raked across his/her back? Do you not get that the clip-clip-clip sound rings throughout the entire car, that it’s like a siren announcing that you get off on littering MTA property with your dead skin?

I’ve had enough. Next time I see someone clipping their nails, I’m going to ... well. I'm going to give them such a look.

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*Apparently this isn’t a verb. Until I made it one, just now.

Comments

[lizardek]

I actually used to have a job where some of my co-workers would clip their nails at work, IN THEIR CUBICLES. Honestly, some people!

[Ice Queen]

I wouldn't say clipping your nails is acceptable on the Toronto subways, but it certainly does happen.

And once - I'm not kidding -- TOENAILS.

P.S. I love your use of frottage as a verb. I plan to adopt it as such. Perhaps we can get it in the dictionary eventually.

P.P.S. For some reason the term Frottage Cheese just popped into my head. Let's not examine what the dictionary meaning of that would be. Ick!

[jilbur]

You know how some dogs have black toenails, and so you can't see the quick? And when you clip their nails, there's always the risk of accidentally nipping the quick and then the dog starts to yelp and bleed and you are looking over your shoulder for the Human Society people to show up and put up posters all over town about how you torture animals? Right?

I think it would be interesting if people had the black fingernails, too. So then the subway scene could include possible embellishments of people yelping and bleeding during their self-grooming routines. I'm not saying I wish that on them, just that it would be interesting, is all I'm saying.

[WindyLou]

I walked in on my boss clipping his toenails at work one day. At first I was repulsed and then I thought, hey, he's the boss.

[Anna]

That is officially disgusting. The first time I visited my in-laws (3 great-aunts living next door to one another) one of them spent an hour talking to me while sitting on the floor picking dead skin off her feet. I still can't get over the rudeness of that. Keep it in the bathroom, people!

[the child psychologist]

Yes, the bathroom, aim for the trash, or even the toilet! But please, dear god, not in the sink.

[JT]

During my first pregnancy, my formerly Lubavitch husband informed me that it's bad luck (or something more religious) for a pregnant woman to walk on dead skin or nails. So he was (and is, to this day) ridiculously tidy about clipping nails, be they his or the cats', and then gathering them up and throwing them away.

I'm in my nth cubicle at my nth job, and still when I hear the metallic snap of a nail clipper, I'm horrified. And very careful where I walk, pregnant or not.

[viktor]

What lizardek said. There's a cube denizen in my hearing range who clips their nails at least every other day! God, I cringe everytime. Didn't these people have mothers?!? Didn't these mothers have the wherewithal to instill them with a sense of common decency?!? Civilization is crumbling before our very ears. One clickety-snip at a time...

[Kim]

Nail clipping is bad, but I think leg shaving is worse. Yes. Leg shaving. With shaving cream and all. She had a towel with her to wipe down the razor between swipes, and did a shave from ankle to just above the knee.

I mean, honestly. If you don't have time to shave your legs before leaving the house, wear pants!

[Mir]

Eewwwwwwwwwww.

[WindyLou]

Update to the toenail clipping boss:

He did it again today, and in the process cut his big toe. Now he's walking around with a paper towel wrapped aroufn his foot. Definitely one of the weirdest bosses I have ever had.

[Jake]

I dated a guy who would PLUCK HIS OWN NOSE HAIRS as he was talking to you.

I win!

[mainja]

when i have meetings in toronto i often take the greyhound in (i live in guelph which is about an hour away). i seem to often manage to sit just behind or just in front of someone who proceeds to file their nails for the whole trip. now, i'm not talking about 'oops i got a hangnail, i better file my nail so i don't catch it on something and rip it off' i'm talking a full hour of vigorous filing.

not nearly as disgusting, i admit, but the truth is, i *hate* the sound of nails being filed. with a passion. and i can't imagine i'm the only one.

why do people do stuff like this?!?!?!!?

[Kate]

It gags me just to recall this. I used to take a bus to work every day. One day, I noticed that another regular rider was flossing her teeth. There on the bus. I seriously considered getting off the bus and waiting for the next one. She did it each morning for about a week, but then she stopped. Someone must have said something to her.

Nail clipping doesn't bother me in the least, but I do try to spare others. I can barely stand to floss my own teeth, much less listen to someone else floss hers.

Public flossing. God give me strength.

[Anna]

I am suddenly reminded of the co-worker who used to scratch and rearrange his balls while he was talking to you. And not discreetly! He would lift his leg up TO HIP HEIGHT and straight out to the side to give them a good jiggle. I was dumfounded.

[LOD]

*I for one am disinclined to sit here and let you molestify the English language.

[Brooklyn Mama]

It's the spitting and nose-picking that get me. Some days there's no escaping the grossness.

[Judy]

Hubby and I were on vacation with my parents. I was eating a bowl of oatmeal when my mom sat down across from me and started clipping her nails. It didn't bother me until one of her nails flew into my cereal.bleah. It took me a while before I could eat oatmeal again. And no, she did not apologize.

[Austin Annie]

Thank you for once again broadening my knowledge of the world... before reading this post, 'frottage' meant one of the faux glazing techniques as taught at the local Home Depot. The paint department will no longer seem so innocent.

[rocketgirl]

I once saw a woman balance her compact on her knees and lean over and squeeze a zit on her forehead in front of me on the Skytrain (Vancouver subway system). So yeah...I WIN!

[debl]

I have to admit something. I have clipped my fingernails at my cubicle before. I stopped after a coworker finally yelled "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CLIPPING NOISE!" and I was shamed forever.

But still if I find a snag on my fingernail I will do a quick clip-clip. Honestly, it just doesn't seem that gross to me. Sorry.

[misa]

i'll admit it. i've clipped my fingernails in my cube. only about 3 times, and it's 'cos 1) i don't think fingernails are gross -- you shake my hand, you touch my fingernails. i wouldn't do my toenails. 2) i do it into the trash can and 3) they're driving me batty 'cos they're gone past that point so that when i type it feels horrible.

but i'll clip in the bathroom from now on. :)

[RockStar Mommy]

I don't think it's just NY, it's Philadelphia too, and any other major city. The bigger the city, the more people that think they run the world and can do whatever they want wherever they want.Anyway, I just stumbled along here; nice site :)

[the mighty jimbo]

oh stop. i used to work for a man who would routinely pick his nose while conversing with you.

and eat it.

were talkin daily here.

daily.

as he signed my checks, i kept the look to myself.

[GraceD]

Eeeeuuuww! Even the metallic CLICK...CLICK!

Oh and yes, I'm such a finslippy fan!