ATTENTION: I HAVE SOMETHING OF VITAL IMPORTANCE TO COMMUNICATE
August 10, 2009I do not understand perfume. I do not understand people who wear perfume.
If you are walking around right now enveloped in a cloud of manufactured scent, and I happen to smell you as I pass, I will think you might be a jerk.
I stress might. Look, I have relatives who wear way too much perfume (or cologne). Some of them I love. Some of them are jerks. Some of them are jerks whom I love. It's complicated.
I admit that I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't hot and humid out there. If I hadn't just been walking the dog, both of us staggering in the heat and humidity, gasping for air, only to twice get nosefuls of someone else's idea of a fantastical flower garden, or musky den of sexual transactions.
(I realize this comes shortly after I posted about how rarely I shower. ) (A habit which, I should mention, has changed since I started going to the gym so much.) (You really do have to shower when you've been Pushing it to the Max and the like.) (My point is, this is not an ongoing Campaign in Defense of Body Odors.)
I am not completely Anti-Scent. You want a scented lotion, you go right ahead. If you want to apply a scent to your pulse points such that you gift your smell only on those in your moist clutches, that's your prerogative. But when you are applying enough scent such that people not in your embrace are left smelling you after you've gone, that is wrong on so many levels.
I know someone who shrouds herself in her signature eau de toilette before going out, leaving everyone in her vicinity coughing and teary-eyed. "Oh, but it fades," she says. "That's why I have to put on so much." Ah. So. For an hour or two, you blind everyone in your vicinity. But at least after that you won't have to deal with the horror of faded scent. The shame! How could you stand it?
Not to mention, why would you douse yourself with odors right before going out? You realize that other people are making the same mistake, right? Did you know that the only thing worse than overly strong perfume is competing perfumes? Do you want your stink to overpower theirs, is that it? Is this some kind of domination thing?
Also, if you're reading this thinking, "I know! I hate those other people's scents –but MINE! Oh, mine is an exquisite commingling of basil and mint with notes of an animal-like rawness," you may be right. Most people might think you are an olfactory delight. But you're still probably grossing someone out.
In short, you may wear scent if you want, but please do not have a smell that other people have to smell whether they want to or not. That's just basic civility. I thank you.
Reader Comments (162)
I have to admit that I'm hooked on Narcisco Rodriguez, I spray a single shot into the air and walk through it before I dress on days when I'm looking for a pick-me-up. Yes the scent is usually unnoticeable, so why bother? Because every once in a while, there's just a tiny hint of the scent and it puts me in a good mood. If I've gotten any comments on NR - I've had a few people ask what shampoo makes my hair smell so good.
Y U L K.
Especially considering I have allergies.
I'm pretty sure there's a TSA Homeland Security loophole so that you can press your flight attendant button so that the Air Marshall Knows What to Do.
I wear high-quality perfume oils -- mostly because I do not like the after-smell that alcohol-based scents have (even the good ones). This means there is no spraying, no being unsure how much you are applying -- I put a dab on the spots where I want it, BEFORE getting dressed (I can't stress this enough for everyone, no matter what sort of scent you are wearing) and that is that. You can't smell me until you are in actual physical contact with me. I wear scent because I enjoy scent (some scents) -- this is the same reason I burn stupid amounts of incense at home. But I do not enjoy smelling someone -- even if they are wearing very nice-smelling stuff -- from across the room, thanks.
And also, yes, there is a time and place, no matter how discreet you are about your perfumes -- I would never wear any to my long appointments at the hospital, or on an airplane, say. But then, there is a time and place for everything (I'm looking at _you_ people who think wearing jeans and sneakers to the opera -- to the OPERA! -- is perfectly acceptable. Hmmmph.)
Also my sister-in-law insists on immersing herself in some horrible odor (perfume? hairspray?) that lingers after she has left the room and ON MY CHILDREN after she has hugged them. Now, I'm not a freak, but I bathe my children after they've been near her because I just can't stand it.
WHY do people do this??
Then, I got lyme disease, and my nose took a swan dive into the shitter. I could not tolerate even a scented lotion. I think it was tied into the years of antibiotic taking to get rid of the @#$% disease.
What I was left with is only being able to tolerate certain scents. Like lavender. Some shampoos, some organically made lotions. But all lavender.
My husband's nephews wife came over for a visit, and she stunk to high heaven of vanilla and coconut. I think it must have been her hair products. Her stink ruined my night, and I felt a panic come over me. Like, I just could not take being in the same room with the overwhelming stink of that cloying double scent! I remember the panic most of all. I knew a headache would most likely come along shortly, so I made polite excuses and got myself out of my own house pronto!
I could smell it in the upper parts of my sofa back cushion, and in the living room where she tucked herself in for the evening.
She had no idea that I wanted to club her over the head with a baseball bat for wearing, or using, such a violently powerful scent. I don't know her well enough to speak up, either, if she were to come back to my house to visit.
I hate overpowering/strongly used scents. i believe a man should smell of himself, too. Much more sexually alluring than some artificial sex call potion.
I used to use these also, before the @#$$ lyme disease. I liked the way our laundry smelled after I used them, and for many years, I had no issue witht the smell of our clothes on our bodies.
As I found myself becoming more and more unable to tolerate any scent for a period of time, I tossed the dryer sheets out, and everyone raised a stink (oh, lol here).
But, I also read an article not long after getting rid of this habit, to the effect that the chemical in this product caused some sort of ill effect on the body, so I was happy I'd stopped using them.
Then, my kids started going to grandma's on a regular summer basis, and she loves to do their laundry for them. And guess what she uses? Yep, either dryer sheets, or fabric softener, and I have to immediately dump all of their freshly laundered clean clothes out of their suitcases (I think the thinks she's doing her daughter in law- me - a favor by doing my kids laundry before they come back home) and into my washer, and wash them at least twice, before I can get the stink out.
Perfume is more than what people spray on their bodies!
One last thing to leave you with--while I can stand/tolerate the smell of Cheer laundry detergent, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the smell of a powdered laundry detergent from Europe called "Persil". I found it at an appliance store that sold front load washing machines. It's beyond pricey (it's insane how much this stuff costs) but when I smelled it in the store? I knew. I just knew. I love that stuff. It will give me great memories when my kids leave home.
Scent does play a part in memory, I've found.
Thank God most of the parents were understanding when I called to tell them that Axe was not allowed in my classroom. Fifth graders do need to wear deodorant so they don't smell like wet dogs after PE, but its smell doesn't need to announce its presence to the whole world.
Oh, and Ann? Frangrance allergies are very, very real. Come over and watch my daughter have a sneezing fit then break out in eczema patches if you don't believe it.