Botanical mysteries! For your enjoyment!

Friends, it is exactly one year since our move to this NEW JERSEY PLACE, and it's official: I have lost my mind. There's no other possible explanation for why I spent five hours yesterday pouring mulch all over the mulch-able portions of our front- and backyard. And why I hauled my aching body back outside today to gouge out weeds. For another five hours.

And after contemplating my almost destroyed sneakers, I considered buying THESE.

I don't... I don't know. I have nothing to say for myself. Except...I'm sorry.

I never wanted to garden, never ever, but now that I've started, I can't stop. I want to win at gardening. Or at least not turn to cinders all that I touch. Will I keep anything alive? Only time will tell.

There are many items in our yard that completely baffle me. Thus, I ask you, my beloved readers: What The Hell Is This? Visit, you, and answer. There are no prizes if you're right--only my love. And we all know how much better Love is than a pony, or bundles of cash.

Comments

[autumn]

all i ask for on mothers day is bags and bags of cedar chips so i can get my flower beds looking pretty again. they've been ignored much too long. happy gardening!

[Kerri]

sutherlandII?? It is trailing and tuberous with oval-lance-shaped leaves to 6in long, serrated. spreads indefinitely.

[TheQueen]

It's a tuberrose. Or Tuber Rose? That's my guess. If not, can I still haves me the Love?

[braine]

It's one of these!

Fooled you, didn't I.

[FENICLE]

I can't tell you what those plants are....I am no expert at gardening. But I can tell you TO BUY THE CROCS! I hated them at first (my mom gave me a pair), but they are the perfect gardening shoe. You can get them wet - they dry, they clean easy, and they are comfortable to walk in!!!!

[Richard]

Those are plants. They're green things that live outside and die inside. Sometimes they have rough brown bits as well.

I've found that if you want them to grow and spread you should attack them with sharp objects and poison, but if you want them to wither and die you should spray them regularly with water and fertilizer and make sure they have plenty of sun.

[Tammy]

No idea, but they sure are purty.

[slouching mom]

Hah! I have lived longer than you in the 'burbs (or, in my case, in a town three hours from the nearest big city), and I STILL have no idea how to garden.

My friends all think it's shameful. But they seem to like me anyway.

[Amy :)]

I don't know what it is, but I too encourage you to embrace the Crocs! They're not the prettiest things, but they are by far the most comfortable shoes I have ever, ever owned. I have 3 pairs now and wear them almost exclusively.

[leftfield]

Cross over to the Crocs dark side. You'll never regret it!

I think your beautiful plant is a camellia.

[Cathy]

print out the pictures and take them to your local nursery (it's the suburbs, there's definitely one nearby.) The people who work there should be able to help you.

[Chookooloonks]

Hey, Alice --

Coincidentally this weekend (and because I am a Shrubbery Neophyte), I had a similar issue here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chookooloonks/475515140/

and someone kindly invited me to post my photo into the What Plant Is That Flickr Group here:

www.flickr.com/groups/whatplantisthat/

and within 24 hours, I had my answer.

So in payitforwardesque fashion, I pass this on to you.

Good luck!

K.

[elle]

Ohh. I'll de lurk on this one. I went through and made a bunch of comments on your flickr pics as lslindholm.

This photo is of (I believe) a Quince. It has flowers like an Azalea or a Camellia, but the leaves are wrong for both. Also, Azaleas don't flower along the stem and neither do Camellias. Quince does though.

I happen to be a horticulturalist, so this is my "professional" opinion. Mind you I haven't worked in the hort industry in about 3 years.

[LetterB]

Thank you a million times, a million times, Alice, for doing this. I might have to start my own flickr group. So many mysteries back there.

Also, I recently bought knock-off crocs at Target and they are so wonderful I am thinking about getting the real deal now in several colors.

[Carol]

I believe the yellow ones are Kerria...both the flowers and leaves look like this one:

http://www.pbase.com/bbellngr/image/42112427

And the "azalea-ish" ones I really think look like a variety of camillia:

http://www.mooseyscountrygarden.com/camellias/pink-camellia-bright.htmlhttp://www.geocities.com/~jimclatfelter/camellia.html

We once had one like the one you describe as looking "like dogwood blossoms" and it was a tree, larger and more erect than yours (maybe 8 feet tall), but leafless during the blooming time in which it had those exact flowers, just like yours. Someone once said it was some sort of Japanese tree, but I never discovered exactly what.

In any case, these are all beautiful! Enjoy them even if you don't know what they are. :)

[goodsandwich]

The purply ones are lilacs, yes they are too!. They are probably just oversprouted suckers, though, not the more sophisticated grafted stuff. They will smell absolutely heavenly when they open, probably in less than a week. I've never seen their fruits, because I cut them back after the flowers fade -- otherwise they will tower tall in a few years and the blooms will be inaccessible.

I think the yellow puffy thing is called Kerria -- I do hate that plant, but I'm not fond of that insistent shade of yellow. Plus it grows kind of hedgy and tall and untidy, just like its untidy flowers.

[N.]

The yellow puffy-flowered things are Kerria.The purpley buds are lilacs, which should bloom in a week or so.The longish darker leaves clustered on a small trunk is some kind of rhododendron.

The large flowers on branches with tiny new leaves might be a kind of tulip magnolia, but I didn't think they lived up North (I could be completely wrong about that, tho).

The peachy thing above - my first thought was some kind of camellia, maybe a camillia sasanqua?

[pogonip]

Another horticulturist checking in here. You have some astute readers--definitely quince, lilac, sad rhodie, and tulip tree! And I was happy to learn a new one--the kerria.

[Matt]

And I guess we can confirm a diagnosis of Gardenosis Suburbinitia for Alice! Crocs are definitely prescribed.

[dervish]

I have no idea what the flower is... I just always ask my neighbor what I have growing in my garden. Many times she has saved some plant or another that I assumed was a weed.

As for Crocs, I never ever wanted to wear them. Then I got a pair. And now I live in them. My feet LOOOOOOVE me! I discovered there are many styles, not just the standard one. Thinking about thongy ones in hot pink for Florida this summer.

Enjoy your garden!

[Katie]

The purple ones are lilac -- take the dead heads off when they go a rusty brown colour and you'll get twice as many flowers next year. The yellow stuff is kerria, which, if mine is anything to go by, might unfortunately smell of cat piss later in the year. Or maybe cats just like to piss on my particular bush? The rather sad looking shrub with dark green leaves and no buds yet looks like a rhodedendron. But most exciting is that you have got yourself a magnolia tree! Very nice.

[Jenn (dish)]

The last picture in the Flickr stream is definitely a rhody. Mine look like that after every winter and then bloom their silly heads off. Yours has been pruned pretty severely. If you want to give it another couple of seasons to see if you even like the color, give it some acid plant food this year. Rhodys love acid. If it is situated next to the house in a place that gets runoff in the winter (thus creating ice globs on the plant) it is pretty much doomed, so if that's the case, you should either move it or ditch it.

[shannon]

you are all crazy. crocs suck and they make your feet smell.

[ie]

Really! Crocs are great! But buy them at crocs.com. They are only 29.95, not 35.95 or whatever zZppos was charging. Unless of course Zappos sends 'em free, because Crocs does charge a hefty shipping fee (for an almost non-weight shoe (!?). Or, go to crocs.com and see where their nearest store is. Then, no shipping fee at all.

[magpie]

That was fun! I think if you take the majority answers for each of the plants, you've got your ids.