Buckets of fun!

As you may know, I am currently weaning off of Effexor. I am doing so because I have no more problems, and I am 100 percent sane. All you people still on drugs? Y’all are nuts. I alone perceive the world correctly.

(That is the first and last time I will ever use “y’all” in my blog. Indeed, I don’t know why I did it in the first place, but there it is, and I’m keeping it there.)

Yes! So! I am now down to 15 granulinos. (That’s a technical term. Shut up.) Fifteen! That’s, like, less than no milligrams of Effexor. Given the frighteningly brief half-life of Effexor, I don’t know how that dosage doesn’t catapult me into withdrawal within an hour of taking it. Or maybe it does, and I’m too addled to notice.

What, you may ask, is life like on fifteen sprinkles of Effexor? First of all, it’s colder. And grayer. There is no more candy, and no one is wearing costumes. The good part is that weaning down to fifteen means that your child will find the Stormtrooper he has been tearily demanding for the past week. And when he finds it, his joy is so immense that your heart will swell and your eyes immediately begin exuding liquids.

The gnome is still back there, although he’s less kicky than he’s been in the past few weeks. (A few days ago my husband raised his voice a half-decibel and I immediately burst into tears. In his clumsy attempt to be sympathetic, he asked, “Is Grumpy Buckets making an appearance?” and I was all, “His name is Sloppy Buckets and you are not allowed to talk about him.”). Overall, I am not the sopping mess of last week. I love you, number fifteen!

This morning I was complaining to my husband about the leg pain I am now suffering. It began, hmm, a few weeks ago, right about the time I began my weaning. My legs are intensely achy and crampy and sometimes they spastically jerk and flail, usually as I’m trying to sleep. (And not, luckily, when I’m walking down the street.) While I whined and carried on and he tried to pretend he was paying attention, a little voice in my head astutely pointed out, “Effexor withdrawal, you jerk. GOD, you’re such a jerk. God!” So I went online, where all the most credible medical advice can be found. I mean, yes, most of the people writing about their leg pain when they started going off Effexor seem to be unhinged, but that many crazy people can’t all be wrong, right? And many other people recommended magnesium for it, and apparently magnesium can’t hurt you overly, although it can cause unpleasant digestive troubles. And then I remembered that a nice commenter here had told me to take magnesium. Thanks! Wish I had listened to you, when you tried to help!

Okay, that’s all. Get back to work! Or, wait, it’s Saturday. Go back to whatever it is you do.

Comments

[tinypurpleturtles]

i agree with you on the y'all thing. do you think it would be th'all for they all?

[TB]

Hang in there Alice. God, it sounds awful. And yet you are still witty and bright.

[anne]

"whatever it is you do"? uhm. i hope somebody clever has updated and click "refresh" more often than is probably healthy? and look! whee! i win!

also, maybe you should take the gnome on some vacation, like in "amelie".

[DM]

Stupid gnome. I don't know you are doing it. I will never give up my Effexor. Never! It makes me happy and not want to throw myself out of the window.

I'm glad Henry found his stormtrooper.

[Ruenil]

Hang in there, you're almost done with it! I get the twitchy leg thing from Effexor, too, and it totally sucks. But it, too, will pass.

[ZaZa]

I really admire you for having the courage to try this. It sounds like as long as you know why these things, like the crying and the leg pain, are happening, they're manageable. Hang in there.

[ZaZa]

I really admire you for having the courage to try this. It sounds like as long as you know why these things, like the crying and the leg pain, are happening, they're manageable. Hang in there.

[Sheryl]

Alice dear, I think know how you feel (except for the leg thing) and I wish you joy. Also I'm assuming (possibly incorrectly, that's the trouble with assumptions) that you're borderline exhausted, so I wish you rest, too.

[Katee]

Potassium ... really helps leg cramps/jumps. Banannas, I guess.

[MFA Mama]

Ewwww...I've had the leg thing...forget what it was that made me have it, some painkiller one time for headaches...I've heard that Rescue Remedy is supposed to help with that (I've also heard magnesium, but you already know that). Maybe try taking some before bed? Couldn't hurt.

[alice]

MFA Mama, I am currently sucking down the Rescue Remedy. Mmm, high alcohol content.

[Susan]

I can't even imagine how you count out fifteen teeny tiny sprinkles of Effexor every day--I've been breaking my son's Adderall open to put in his applesauce, and jesus pete if those little suckers don't go just EVERYWHERE.

So good for you with the counting! Hooray!

[Belinda]

I always have The Jimmy-Leg. Is the Effexor I just started 3 weeks ago gonna make it worse? I feel soooooo much better on the Big E, though, y'all. And "y'all" is a perfectly acceptable contraction for "you all," and it is never, EVER, despite whatever bad representations of Southern culture you've seen on television, used to denote a single person. "Y'all" is ALWAYS plural, y'hear?

[alice]

Calling it "The Jimmy-Leg" makes it all better. Thank you, Belinda.

[missbanshee]

Dang, girl, I feel your pain. I was on over 300 milligrams of Effexor till about a month ago when my insurance quit. I went cold turkey. I WAS INSANE. CRAZY INSANE. It was HAAAAAAAAAARIBLE. I'm a lot better now, but I'll never forget those days. (Months.) Keep on keepin' on, sister. It'll get way better.

So glad the stormtrooper has been found!

[honestyrain]

also, for the twitchy legs, i recommend going to sleep with your feet up on a pillow or other somesuch lifting type of devise. i cannot say why i think you should do this because my god that would get longwinded but you know, try it for a night or two and see what happens. i have twitchy legs sometimes and damn if it isn't maddening.

also, eat bananas, some say, as it can be potassium related as well. potassium! who knew.

[honestyrain]

see! katee said bananas back there! see! i didn't just make that up!

[Sara]

Sympathy for the Effexor withdrawal... I weaned myself off of 450mg. It took the whole summer. If you haven't found it already, http://www.crazymeds.org is the best site I know of for info about, well, crazy meds. Be sure to check out the discussion boards. :)

[Lori]

I know it's not nearly the same but I went on the Pill about three weeks ago and haven't gone a day without crying yet. It's called diarrhea of the tear ducts.

[roo]

Isn't it great to be one-hundred percent sane? I love it. It's bliss! Bliss!

[MFA Mama]

Wow--Alice replied to me personally. It's like a celebrity sighting! I was just going to say that if you're after potassium, one dried apricot has as much as...um...fifteen bananas...or some similarly outrageous number (I have been told the exact number by someone who would know, but have gone stupid since my youngest was born--very sad as I am a college professor).

[toni]

Y'all don't mess with the y'all, now. It's the only time in the entire history of the south we managed to substitute one word for two, instead of making six words out of a one word sentence. "They all" don't exist. It's always y'all or them.

I hate the twitchy leg thing. Potassium worked for me.

[toni]

"sentence" was supposed to be "syllable." I was too distraught over the y'all to type correctly. heh. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

[Sonia]

My husband and I developed a code phrase for when my head was about to explode. It was meant as a Public Service announcement that I was about to chew off his face. The phrase was "Jiminy Cricket", because I couldn't help but smile when I said it. It worked great until my husband mistakenly used the phrase to point out my insanity, saying "Jiminy Cricket??". While chewing off his face I explained that the phrase was for ME to use, not HIM to use, what is THE MATTER with him?!!! The bandages have just come off and the incisor puncture wounds are really looking much better.

[Erin]

So you've probably heard this a million times but you only think you are not crazy because of the Effexor. When your done weening off you'll feel crazy again. That's what anti-anxiety/depressants do-they make you feel normal and that you no longer need them. It sucks but it's true!! Been there and done that multiple times.