Cellulitis! A short play.

I. Walking to school.

Henry: I have to be careful of my purple thumb.

Me: You have to be what of your what now?

Henry: My purple thumb. See?

Me: What, did you get magic marker on your thWHAAAAT IS THAT. Scott. Scott!

Scott: Oh, wow. Did you cut your thumb at some point, buddy?

Henry: Hmm. Yesterday at school there were these white cracks on my thumb so I put my finger in my mouth, and then the cracks went away.

Me: Oh, god, you put it in your mouth?

Henry (sighing): Yes, and then the white cracks went away.

Scott: Does it hurt?

Henry: Only when I touch it.

We head back home. Phone calls to the doctor ensue. An appointment is made.

II. At the doctor's office.

Nurse: So what happened?

Henry: Well, my thumb is all purple and swollen, see?

Nurse: Wow. Did you get a cut?

Henry: Yesterday there were these white cracks all over, but then I licked it and the white cracks went away.

Nurse: White cracks? And you … licked it?

Me: I know. I… I know.

Henry: It's okay! When I licked it, it got better! Well, it still hurt.

Doctor: What did you do to your thumb, Henry?

Henry (sighing deeply): White cracks, licked it, school, purple.

Doctor: White…what?

Finally, after much explanation, there is a diagnosis, and a prescription. We leave. I try to convince Henry not to ever lick his wounds or really any part of himself, especially at school, blah blah. He ignores me, preferring to list his favorite aliens from Ben-10. The End.

That play's going straight to Broadway, my friends. Mark my words.

New post on Wonderland today, about lying to your children. Like how when I told Henry that if he licked his thumb ever again, somewhere a puppy would die.

Comments

[The Window Seat]

Okay now my head is spinning with what this could be.

But I love how nonchalant Henry is. Even at this early age, guys are so different than girls. Enh, it's fine. I mean it hurts but whatever.

Oh that? Severed my arm...just a flesh wound...I licked it. It's fine now.

[The Window Seat]

Oh jeez! Just read the title again. I thought you were being coy with us. It's cellulitis. John Wayne's diseases.

Must get more coffee now. Too slow today.

[MomVee]

In Henry's defense, I just obsessively took in what the Internet has to say about cellulitis, and _nowhere_ did it mention that you should not lick it.

[Burgh Baby's Mom]

At least he didn't lick it, decide it tasted good (or really bad for what it matters), and then shove it in your mouth to make you taste it, too.

[Jen]

So, should you worry if he starts to sound like John Wayne? If any of his alien action figures start showing up on horses, you may wanna take him back to the doc.

[Rebecca F.]

Am I sick that I disappointed that there were no pictures??

Get better soon Henry!

Rebecca F.

[SuburbanCorrespondent]

He lost me at the "white cracks."

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

My short version of a similar story.

Walk in on 6 year old as he stands up from the toilet. Toilet is FULL of blood. "Don't worry, Mommy, this happens every time I poop." By the 3rd Dr.'s visit he sighs and says, "You're going to do a rectal exam, aren't you?" Eventually everything is all right.

[DM]

White cracks? Now I'm so confused. I don't know if it's a good idea to tell you that I have been known to suck on fingers that are injured still and I'm 41. Like today when I burned my fingers because I wanted to make sure the steamer was working. As my roommate explained it to be later, as I was whining about the burn, "Dana, if there's steam coming out of the steamer, then it is working. Steam is hot! Don't do that again."

[Rhi]

Owie.I had cellulitis in both of my feet when I was 21. I had just gotten my first big girl job and was devastated when I had to wear plastic flip flops for weeks because my feet were too damn swollen to wear shoes.

I did not lick my feet, however.

[alice]

DM and others, I'm guessing the "white cracks" were pus, but I'm trying not to think too hard about that.

[alice]

DM and others, I'm guessing the "white cracks" were pus, but I'm trying not to think too hard about that.

[jane]

note to self (and anyone else working): do NOT look up images of cellulitis on the internets. Probably will get fired for inappropriate usage of work equipment.

[Bea]

Cellulitis! I had that when I was a kid. In 5th grade. Except it was more serious than Henry's (thank goodness his isn't serious). I had it in my face, and was in the hospital for a week, with IVs and worried doctors discussing with my parents for options if it spread further up my face, and possibly into my brain.

Fun times.

[Pam]

"I told Henry that if he licked his thumb ever again, somewhere a puppy would die."This line is disturbingly funny.

[punchanella]

i can't stand it... what were the cracks?!?!?! why did it turn purple?!?!?!

[Someone Being Me]

Ok. I still don't get the whole white cracks licking thing but I guess I'll learn when mine gets bigger. Mine is busy fighting a nasty stomach bug right now. I also wanted to tell you that I read your article in Wondertime finally. I loved it. You make a great Princess Leia/Cinnabon.

[Petunia Face]

Cellulitus? As I was reading I kept wondering where your (or someone else's, I don't know) cellulite would make its appearance. Then I actually thought to myself, hm, could her son have cellulite on his thumb??? But no, that doesn't make sense because if you sucked on cellulite and it went away there would be spas dedicated to sucking on women's thighs. Sadly, I am clearly wrong and cellulitus is something completely unrelated to cottage cheese.

[Kimmers]

Ok, I love that Henry's chain of thought is something like white cracks + pain + lick = cure. I also think it's adorable that he has a swollen, throbbing purple thumb and he just ambles off to school and only offhandedly even TELLS YOU ABOUT IT! What a little trooper of a kid.

[Susannah]

how do you make everything sound so funny, even these mini-emergencies? thank you for making me laugh!

[Chantelle]

Wow. I just learned something new. I had to google cellulitis because I assumed the title had something to do with dimpled thighs and thus the play made noooooo sense.

[Inzaburbs]

Wouldn't happen in our house. The stoicsm, that is.The minute the T-Bot gets a little bruise he is all "Owwwww Mommy I need a band-aid, I need to go to the *hospital*".Given this, I have to admit it would probably be *me* doing the licking...Although, now that I have actually googled some images of cellulitis, probably not.

[RosieSmrtiePants]

That's friggin' hilarious, but in a "I'm glad your son didn't lose his thumb" kind of way. I have to get my kicks about the crazy things kids say/do from others' blogs since I don't have any myself. Sometimes I think...hmmm, would almost be worth it for the sake of entertainment. :)

RosieSmrtiePants

[AEMom]

All I can think is that my boys have also waited until something was infected in God knows what way before they showed it to me too. And then I was like HTF did you get your finger/toe/arm to be in this condition? And then I thought "Oh thank God -- it's not only at my house that Ben 10 rules too." And that I could probably have a nice discussion with Alice about how many tongues Upchuck has. Because my sons INSIST he has 4 and I say only 1. And then I wonder WHY DO I CARE!?

[HeyJoe]

Dearest Alice,

Worst.Parents.Ever.

Judgmentally,Joe

Just Kidding!! Please don't go all test patterny on us again.

And if licking a wound is good enough for Izzy, why not Henry? Do I smell a double standard here??!!