Cellulitis! A short play.

I. Walking to school.

Henry: I have to be careful of my purple thumb.

Me: You have to be what of your what now?

Henry: My purple thumb. See?

Me: What, did you get magic marker on your thWHAAAAT IS THAT. Scott. Scott!

Scott: Oh, wow. Did you cut your thumb at some point, buddy?

Henry: Hmm. Yesterday at school there were these white cracks on my thumb so I put my finger in my mouth, and then the cracks went away.

Me: Oh, god, you put it in your mouth?

Henry (sighing): Yes, and then the white cracks went away.

Scott: Does it hurt?

Henry: Only when I touch it.

We head back home. Phone calls to the doctor ensue. An appointment is made.

II. At the doctor's office.

Nurse: So what happened?

Henry: Well, my thumb is all purple and swollen, see?

Nurse: Wow. Did you get a cut?

Henry: Yesterday there were these white cracks all over, but then I licked it and the white cracks went away.

Nurse: White cracks? And you … licked it?

Me: I know. I… I know.

Henry: It's okay! When I licked it, it got better! Well, it still hurt.

Doctor: What did you do to your thumb, Henry?

Henry (sighing deeply): White cracks, licked it, school, purple.

Doctor: White…what?

Finally, after much explanation, there is a diagnosis, and a prescription. We leave. I try to convince Henry not to ever lick his wounds or really any part of himself, especially at school, blah blah. He ignores me, preferring to list his favorite aliens from Ben-10. The End.

That play's going straight to Broadway, my friends. Mark my words.

New post on Wonderland today, about lying to your children. Like how when I told Henry that if he licked his thumb ever again, somewhere a puppy would die.

Comments

[punchanella]

yeahhh, i should start reading titles. and i call myself a scientist... so much information passes me right by. *sigh*

[The Yummy Mummy]

Okay, who is Ben-10?

I have girls. I guess that's obvious.

Kim

[LiteralDan]

My thumb hurts.

Way more than it should.

At least the post was funny, so I guess it's worth it.

[Well Read Hostess]

I'm blaming Ben 10. Since my son can only concentrate on anything other than said Ben and his 10...what? personalities?? Great...for fifteen seconds at a time, I am anticipating thumb licking and cellulitis imminently. Oh joy.

[Pretty Lush]

I kinda gotta hand it to him. He's a confident kid and he took care of business as he thought necessary.

[Godless Sunday]

Well, if it works? WTF is the BFD?

Monica

[Joanna Schmidt]

too funny.

[littlepurplecow]

This is hysterical. Love your style. Found you by way of Kyran at Notes to Self.

[Toni]

Ha! Ha! Ha! A grew up in the country with a bunch of rough & tumble kids who only came in for an injury if there was actual blood that didn't stop reasonably quickly. I can SOOOO relate!

[Anna]

@ The Window Seat:

I doubt it has much to do with boys or girls. I am comfortably female, and my father still recounts with wonder the kindergarden times I would be sick with a high fever, climb out of my bed during the night, throw up in the toilet, clean up after myself, and climb back into the bed without telling anyone.(I obviously didn't do a good job of cleaning up because the parents figured out what had happened, but still.)

[Anna]

@ The Window Seat:

I doubt it has much to do with boys or girls. I am comfortably female, and my father still recounts with wonder the kindergarden times I would be sick with a high fever, climb out of my bed during the night, throw up in the toilet, clean up after myself, and climb back into the bed without telling anyone.(I obviously didn't do a good job of cleaning up because the parents figured out what had happened, but still.)