Due date.

Today is (was, would have been) my due date, and I'm pretty sad. I didn't think it would hit me this hard, but here it is, and it has.

Comments

[Mauigirl]

So sorry...thinking of you today...

[Amy]

Hugs...from an internet stranger who's also been there. Be good to yourself - there's no wrong way to mourn a loss.

[bleachusd]

::hugs::

[starrlife]

Oh- hugs and kind thoughts! How hard those anniversaries are and yet they also fill our hearts.

[Jessie]

so sorry--those anniversaries can be so tough. i had one on Sept. 28. worse is that there's no real public way of commemorating--when you mention "oh I had a miscarriage earlier this year," people tend to back off, so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they say nothing at all. but it's a loss, and a devastating one at that, any way you cut it. i don't know you--although as a Brooklynite I'm cheering your return to the borough of kings--but I'm sending love and hugs your way.

[Meegan]

I'm so sorry. That's really all I can come up with. Sending a hug from a stranger...who loves your writing, from funny to sad, but always honest. Thanks for sharing it all.

[megan]

Another stranger sending you love today. What an awful day. You are not alone, and I hope all the love being sent your way does something to make this terrible terrible day hit a tiny bit softer.

Be gentle with yourself.

[Nicole]

Sorry, Alice. Wishing you peace at this difficult time.

[Abigail]

I'm generally a lurker, and you don't know me at all, but I am so sorry for your loss. Allow yourself to grieve.

[Tammy]

So sorry, Alice. Know there will be better times ahead.

[Be Like the Squirrel, Girl]

Ugh. My heart aches for you. I know how you feel, if that is any comfort at all. For me, the anniversary of the miscarrage(s) was harder than the due date, although those were stings that came later.

[melanie]

Mine was a few weeks ago. A couple weeks before that I glanced at my Google calendar for Nov and noticed I still had "baby due" on the date. I had forgotten to take it off...and it took my breath away. It was a tough week surrounding our due date, but life is moving on. I hope for you, too. Soak it all in, surrender to the sadness, and then let it be free. I hope that doesn't sound too new-agey but I've been through enough in my life that I know I can't deny or ignore the pain. Ever hear that song (or book) Going on a Bear Hunt? The chorus is "...can't go over it, can't go under it, gotta go through it"

[Sonja]

Really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time...

[patois]

I'm so sorry for you and yours, Alice.

[Val]

I'm sorry, Alice.

[Taxmom]

For what is worth, I remember my version of this feeling more than 13 years ago. I remember seeing heavily pregnant women in the grocery store during what would have been my 9th month of pregnancy and being surprised at the resentment I felt toward them. Then I imagined the other hidden "club" of women who were in the same position I was and the morbid thought that I was part of an invisible cohort of no-longer-pregnant women approaching their due date, well that somehow made me feel better. A little. Hang in there.

[AE]

For me the hardest part was thinking that there was some parallel world in which everything had worked out, and that I could have gotten there somehow if I'd done something differently. Even now, earlier this month I thought about the might-have-been that would have turned two. But that existence would have prevented what did happen, and who I have now, and that makes it easier to accept this particular dimension, to be science-fiction-y about it. Although impossible, I wish I could have had everything. (And I'm sorry for your loss.)

[tara]

sending you love

[kommishoner]

i'm sending a hug your way. i'm so sorry.

[suz]

I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

[Sar]

It seems silly to think that posting a comment at a time like this might matter, but I hope in a strange way this hodge podge community you've managed to create can bring you love on a hard day/week/month.

But we all want to do this because you (through the miracle of blogging) have brought so much to us. Laughter, reflection, sadness, insanity. I appreciate your transparency.

Love and prayers.

[Rachael]

I thought about you all day after reading this. Lots of big hugs to you, and I hope you have a relaxing weekend.

[Marcheline]

(((((((((Sending 'net hugs)))))))))))

[Miriam]

Alice, I really don't know what to say, I never had to go through anything like what you are going through, but i want you to know that i'm thinking of you.hug,miriam.

[sara nunn]

my would-be due dates were always absolutely horrendous. It gets better with time I promise. You don't ever forget, you always feel a sadness and loss, but it does get better when peace eventually wins out. ( hug )