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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Today my boy, my Henry Jacob, turns eight. Eight! He ties his own shoes and solves complex math problems and can recite entire passages of "Diary of a Wimpy Kid." I...yeah. Words fail me.

But I can't sit around today singing "Sunrise, Sunset" and sniffling into Minty Bear (technically, Minty Bear II). I've got a cake to bake, an apartment to clean (my family's coming over, and you know my mom's going to notice the tumbleweed of cat hair floating across the kitchen) and, most importantly (for Henry) a staggeringly large Lego box to wrap. (This last part will probably take me an hour and cause me to somehow waste an entire roll of wrapping paper, because even though I'm technically an adult, I seem to be missing the adult life-skills I thought I'd have perfected by now, like "wrapping" and "folding laundry.")

(On the other hand, I finally figured out how to snap my fingers! Life list!)

Anyhoo, why don't you take a moment to read Henry's birth story? I mean, if not today, when? It has Dan Rather, and mooing. I couldn't have created a better story out of my imagination. Which is true of quite a lot of things in my life, not least of which is my son.

Happy birthday, Henry. I love you so much it's stupid.

Reader Comments (70)

On a lark, (because detours make me cranky) I detoured to your birth story. I have not laughed like that for ages. Oh boy! Ooohhheeee was that good! My tummy feels like I did crunches! Get in shape the laughing way... a new side venture?
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNicole
LOVED your birth story. Totally just made my day! My coworkers probably think I'm a freak now for laughing like a hyena at work, but it was exactly what I needed. So happy you have your sweet son and a fantastic story to tell because of him!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachel
thank you 1. for making me laugh and 2. for putting the final nail in my "never birthing a baby" coffin.

finally an upside to being gay. 2 women = 2 baby cookers. now, must keep wife from reading any birth stories...even hilarious ones like this.
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermelissa
Hi. Until today I thought I was jaded from having read a gajillion birth stories and then having my own child. I thought that no birth story could ever affect me because I had been infected enough times to become immune. I was wrong. I am now laughing and crying at the same time from having read your birth story. So thanks, I guess. You owe me mascara though. And a very happy birthday to Henry (and you).
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim
Happy eight years as a mom!!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Britt
Happy Birthday Henry!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCindy
Happy birthday, Henry!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterClarabella
Happy birthday, Henry! You just get cuter and cuter!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDeirdre
Oh, man. I laughed and laughed and laughed, and now I'm bawling. Thanks a lot.

And happy birthday, Henry!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErika
Wow, I feel old. I remember when Henry was three! And we've never met in real life, so now I feel like an old stalker. Would it be creepy if I said I remembered his bumble bee costume? Would it help if I mentioned that I live on the other side of the country? Ok, I'll just stop now.

Happy birthday, Henry!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNora
Hands down, best birth story ever...
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersuburbancorrespondent
Could we have a baby Henry photo?
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan
Happy Birthday to Henry!I had not read the birth story before...what a fabulous and funny story. I have not laughed like that in a long time. Thank you.Happy 8th anniversary of becoming a mom...and Happy anniversary to Scott as well~
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSheila
I remember the mooing being one of my favourite parts. I couldn't tell you any details of other ladies' birth stories I've read, but I know yours has mooing.Happy birthday Henry!
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah
Happy birthday, Henry!You're lucky to have him, and he's lucky to have you.x
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFlora
Have a wonderful birthday, Henry.

(And the Minty Bear story always makes me bawl.)
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterM
I know I have read your birth story, perhaps last year on Henry's birthday. In fact, I think I've read it multiple times. This prior knowledge did not stop me from laughing so hard I spit wine all over my laptop. Your description of labor and delivery is so perfect...I think I'll go back and read it one more time. It's everything I couldn't verbalize about the birth of my daughter, aside from Dan Rather and the subway ride/crab-walk/car service....But the mooing! The mooing was the same! Totally.
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeegan
I love your birth story, with the mooing and the meaty sauces. I've read it before, but it still made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Happy birthday to Henry.
October 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHeather
My little guy turns 8 in a few weeks, and also lives for the Legos. Enjoy the celebration. Hope Dan Rather can make it...
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWombat Central
Good lord, someone else who mooed her way through labour! It's the only way, I swear. I called it channelling my inner cow. My own very moo-y, far less funny, and excessively long, birth story is here: there are two more parts, if you really have nothing better to do with your time. Like, um, chewing your toenails or attempting handstands.

And Happy Birthday dear Henry! Congrats on attaining the grand old age of eight. Hope you all have a marvellous day.
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLumpy badger
And eight years later it's still a damn good read. Thank you :)
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan
Yay Henry! My son will be 8 in Dec. Also with the Lego obsession, but to be fair, I infected him with that Lego obsession.
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMatt
Happy birthday Henry! Now, if you would kindly turn this over to your mom because I have something to say to her that is not for your tender ears... Ready? Is he gone? Okay, really - he looks SO much like you! did you teach him that cute look-to-the-side pose that you do? He's adorable... Okay Henry you can come back. You're adorable!
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKirsten Kolding
aw Happy Belated Birthday, Henry! Be sure to take good care of your mum cuz she's an awesome woman. Hope you had a marvelous day!
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteramigurumigirl
I've read it before and I'd read it again (and again ... ) - your's / Henry's continues to be one of my all time fave birth stories. Happy 8th Bday to Henry!
October 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTheLuckyGal

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