Give me your worst parenting stories

I need them. For my mental health.

And no, not the stories of other horrible people messing up—the stories of good, virtuous you messing up.

I need to know that you can be a good parent and still deeply, deeply suck at it, at times. Today, for instance. When I yelled so loudly at my son that my throat still hurts. (Did you know that mittens are an instrument of torture? That socks are painful? Neither did I, until I met Henry.) Thank god I don't have a deadline tonight because I need this glass of wine. And I need to go to bed before 8. And wake up in a few years, when he's able to dress himself.

Speaking of deadlines, a new Wonderland is up!

And now it's time for you to share your Stories of Parental Ineptitude. I know you won't let me down.

Now that I think of it, I'm holding a contest. The Parental Ineptitude tale that amuses me most will win...something. I haven't thought that through yet. My deep and abiding respect? Something like that. I need to have more wine and think about it.

Comments

[jenny]

I took my 18 month(ish) old son to some sort of kid friendly fair thing. And because he was so well behaved and adorable the whole time, I decided to 'reward' him with french fries from McD's. Because he'd never had french fries before, he shoved handfuls into his mouth while laughing maniacally. As I was putting him down for a nap after we got home, he threw up every single french fry - STILL WHOLE - on my face. Awesome.

[erin]

Once, when my youngest was still taking only formula in a bottle, we forgot to give her the morning bottle at 8. At 9:30 my husband and I wondered why she was being so fussy (normally a happy-go-lucky baby) and figured she was tired. We put her to bed, crying, and let her cry for about 20 minutes before she finally fell asleep. It wasn't until she got up at 11am and got fussy again at 11:30 that we realized she didn't get breakfast. Oops.

And then we did the same thing again a few weeks later. Only that time we made her wait til 12pm to get her bottle so she wouldn't be "off her schedule". I'm a great mom, I promise.

[Kris]

I do that - the yelling until my throat hurts. And, I feel all shakey afterwards. Best. Parenting. Ever.

[amy]

Here ya go babe:http://doobleh-vay.blogspot.com/2007/12/rainy-tuesday-morning.html

[BrooklynGirl]

Speaking of mittens....

You could take your two year old out for a walk on a really cold day and not insist that he wear his mittens because he puts his hands in his pockets when they're cold even though if he trips and falls with his hands in his pocket he breaks his fall with his...cheek.

A strong mothering moment that hopefully won't leave scars.

[Heather]

I've been there - hoarse throat from yelling, kids with eyes full of tears. Yeah, great parenting moments. :/

I just apologize to them and let them know Mommy got angry. It doesn't make it alright, but it makes it better.

[Frankie]

When my partners father died in a house fire, she initialy told our son that he had gone to sleep and just not woken up. Me, being scared to death that he would think that EVERYONE will simply go to sleep and not wake up, decided that it would be a better idea to tell him the truth. Like, the actual truth, about how there was a fire and he died trying to get out of his house...the whole gorey deal. He asked a few questions and then went to the table to eat his dinner. After about 5 minutes, he stared to weep, and then sob. Then he turned around and wailed "why did you tell me that?!?!"... he is 6. Mother of the year.

I have also yeslled SO LOUD at him that he has burst into tears.

Oh and I occasionally don't give him a bath becasue I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.

I could seriously go on and on... in spite of it, he is a well adjusted happy healthy kid. I figure he has a guardian angel... LOL!

[Annie Viall]

About 100 years ago when my daughter was 8, I was yelling at her about something (who knows?) and knocked a favorite knick-knack off a low shelf by being 'expressive' with my hands. She said, very snottily (you know, being 8 and worldly and all) "NOW look what you did!"

Then we both got real quiet, and her eyes got very large, and I made some primal screaming noises, and went to spank her. She backed up into the bathroom, knowing better than to show me her butt, and fell right into the tub, terrified, hurt (a little), and humiliated.

I sat right down on the floor and laughed so hard I cried.

Monster, I'm a monster.

[All Adither]

Yes, I'm bad too. Just today I was commenting (to several people within my children's earshot...nice, huh?) that two kids is too much for me, that I'm overwhelmed, that I have NO patience lately. I try really, really hard not to yell (though I still succumb), but my voice constantly has an edge to it. It seems I'm always annoyed with them, trying to get away from them, wishing they would leave me the F-alone for a while.

And then they do something cute or responsible and I am dizzy with love and feel wretched for all my snarkiness and meanness.

It's a big club we've got here. I wish I weren't a member. But I am. I suck.

[TC]

Well, there are the inadvertant worst parenting stories (http://tinycoconut.blogspot.com/2006/01/best-parents-ever.html) and then there are the very much advertant worst parenting stories. Like the time, just a week or two ago, when my 10-year-old daughter accidentally dropped her clarinet mouthpiece and I--not knowing that it only cost $10 to replace, and having just paid for a new transmission on the car, two unexpected tooth extractions, and four new tires on the other car with money we don't have--screamed, "I can't fucking believe you did that!" then smashed my hand into the french doors leading out to our back yard and burst into tears.

That was some classic parenting, right there, don't you think?

[Harriet]

Although I have plenty of stories like these of my own, in my favorite bad parenting moment story, I was on the receiving end. My parents were excellent and conscientious and I have very few scars, but I will never forget this moment -- nor will I ever let my father forget it. When I was 6 and my brother was 3, we'd had a particularly destructive week. I'd covered my bedspread with Silly Putty (I was trying to copy the pattern! Who knew it would stick forever?) and cut off the hair of my dolls. My brother had decorated his wood bed and part of the wall with what we thought were lovely, crayon designs. And I'm pretty sure some books got destroyed in there somewhere too. After the crayoning incident, my father called a family meeting in my brother's room. He began lecturing us about how destructive we were, about how we took our belongings for granted. "You just need to take care of your things and this house!" As he said the last word, he pounded his fist on the wall in exasperation...and punched a hole right through the drywall. Needless to say, this kind of undercut his message. But I've never laughed so hard in my life.

[Lisa C]

Exasperated because my daughter wouldn't stop thrashing about while I tried to change her poopy diaper, I slapped her on the back of the leg and screamed, "Stop it!"

She stopped thrashing, looked at me with wide eyes and started screaming, "You hit me! You just hit me!" I apologized over and over, but she just kept shouting at me with righteous indignation.

Now her little brother is two (almost three), and the other morning when I gave him a great big morning hug and kiss, he looked at me incredulously and said, "You're nice now!"

My husband read the confusion on my face and reminded me of how piteously I had screamed at the little tyke the previous day.

Other incidents include gripping an arm too tightly; screaming "Everybody shut up!" in the car; repeatedly slamming the same door door until I'm sure I won't hit a kid; crying, "I just can't take it any more," with my head in my hands; etc.

Otherwise, I'm generally known as a patient and loving mother. And I think I am...at least 90 percent of the time.

[Erin]

So I was reading and amused and thought, I have so many but nothing really specific comes to mind. I continued reading other blogs and was interrupted by the screaming of my 2 year old who had been upstairs in bed for an hour.

Apparently you shouldn't give a child a milkshake 48 hours after that child has been really sick (barfed 7 times in 6 hours) with a rotovirus. The poor thing has gas pains so bad that it has woken him up twice in the last hour to blast gas. I have had to rub his back to help him fall asleep while quietly apologizing over and over again for his stupid mommy.

So now I have something to write although I wish I had thought through the milkshake idea a little more. Obviously I am not in the running for the 2008 Mom of the Year award.

[Aisha]

Not a parent so no stories of myself, HOWEVER, I strongly recommend you request a one on one with Britney Spears, she might give you enough for a novella. :)

[daysgoby]

Joan of Arrrgh, I could swear that's a Jim Harrison quote...except he said that when they're 13, the decision should be made whether or not to hammer the bung in.

My GOD, you have some funny readers!

I just came off a day like that - 6 year old body-surfing on the clean laundry while the 3 year old giggles and throws up apple slices on the pile of clean sheets - and I screamed, something about quitting, about if this was a job I'd be so OUTTA HERE and how NOBODY SHOULD LIVE LIKE THIS!!! Bad Mom, etc. The 3 year old fell over (yes, face-first into her vomit) and the 6 year old looked at me and said seriously "But WE live like this!"

[Anne]

Uhm, how about the time I slapped with all my might my then-18-month old daughter's leg while changing her diaper because she was thoroughly enjoying kicking and kicked me right in the mouth, splitting my lip? Proud moment there.

[Melle]

No parenting stories yet, but I've been on the receiving end of a few...

When I was about two and a half, I'd taught myself to read. Proud as punch, I took my favourite book to my Mom and told her I could read and was going to demonstrate. She proceeded to tell me I couldn't read, and when I assured her I could, she told me I'd just memorized the story and insisted repeatedly that I couldn't. Hey, thanks!

Most recently, being new grandparents, Mom sent her favourite picture of The Granddaughter with this year's Christmas cards. Except originally that picture had me in it holding my niece. Mom cropped me out before having it printed.

Fortunately, we have a good relationship and I can make fun of her for this stuff. :)

[tulip]

Ok here's mine: My fucking MIL taught my daughter to jump on the bed "only at Gran's house". Yeah right. So begins the jumping on the bed at ANYONE'S house including her own. She was 2 1/2 and I could not get her to stop jumping on the bed and after one particularly bad afternoon, I took her bed away. I went crazy yelling and stripped the bed and TOOK IT APART while still crazily yelling and put it all out in the hallway. And that damn boxspring was heavy!! She slept on just a mattress on the floor for 6 months before I could admit to being a crazy person and gave her back her bed.She still mentions it occasionally and it's been over a year. Gah. So yeah on the yelling. Somedays it's better than hitting! :)

[tulip]

I just remembered another one that happened last week. I'm known for banging things around the house when I'm frustrated and the other night my husband and I were trying not to fight in front of our daughter. So of course I was muttering and banging pots around and all of a sudden my daughter bursts into tears and says "Mommy you are making Daddy sad because you are frustrated!"In that tiny little sad 3 year old voice. Worst. feeling. ever.

[Lisa]

Two situations come to mind. I have 5 kids now aged 22, 20, 18, 16 and 13. When they were younger and I had HAD it I would look up at the ceiling and say, "calgon! Take me away!" I found out a couple of years ago that the oldest was scared when I said that because she thought "calgon" was really going to take me away!

When my 20yr old DS was in middle school we had just gotten a wooden swingset that my husband had half way put together. We told the kids to stay off it because it was unsafe still. DS went on it anyway, fell off it and boy was I TICKED OFF! Served him RIGHT! I poo-pooed his saying it hurt until about 3 days later when I realized that he wasn't using his arm. At all. I took him to the doctor and found that he had broken his shoulder. Boy did I feel like I was a nominee for Mother Of The Year. Or not.

[Rachel]

Oh my... Where to start? But this commiserating definitely helps..

Mostly it's how quickly I can turn on that mean, sarcastic voice when he's just gotten on my last nerve..

orhttp://didyouknowmommy.blogspot.com/2007/03/transparency.html

or at age 2 when he rolled out of his big boy bed during the first night in it and cried and cried. We got him to go to sleep w/us, thinking it was an ear thing. Next morning, the pediatrician deemed him ok, so we took him on the ferry to Port Townsend for the day, wondered why he was crabby, didn't want to play at the park (c'mon, CLIMB up that ladder!), and was eating w/his left hand. Next morning, a swollen shoulder and a trip to the ER showed us that he had broken his collarbone. Nice. I still have the trophy- "Mama of the Year 2005."

[They call me mom]

I love it all. It is so refreshing.Our story goes like this: I put my three year old son to bed, in the big boy bed. Which he gets out of to go pee, get some water, wants the night light on, etc. An hour or so later I decide he is asleep and it's the perfect time to remove the moldy, dirty grout from around the bathtub.My son comes in the bathroom, three more times, after I've been working on the grout and I flip out. Yelling until hoarse, hauling him back to bed, and slamming the bedroom door. (The whole sorted mommy mess.)But there's more ... The next day we went to a friends birthday party where his behavior was not so cooperative.(Surprise) So I took him outside to talk to him for the third time. (I know, I know) Then in an attack of mommy schizophrenia - I saw one of his friends and took a picture, then turned the camera on him telling him 'Smile.'It was about a year later as I was staring at one of my favorite pictures of my son; it's on the refrigerator, the one from the party. In it he is standing looking dead on to the camera with his hands on his hips. With this expression something like, 'lady what else do you want from me.'It wasn't until then, that I realized I probably had kept the kid up from all the racket I was making in the bathroom. (Slooooow learner)He is still so patient with his oh so, at times, impatient and irrational mother.

[Kren]

Where to begin? Babies falling down the stairs. Rolling off the couch. Being dropped. Hitting their heads on door jambs. Of course, that was all child's play (HAH HAH!!) compared with current-day highlights such as shrieking curses, slamming doors, throwing out toys, going through the merry trio of Naughty Chair, One-Two-Three, and Haul-Off-And-Slap, and, my personal favorite: "I hate you all!"

I do love them, really I do. As I often remark, it's a damn good thing they're cute. It might be the only thing saving them some days.

[Jules]

This post and these comments come at a great time, as I have been struggling with the yelling, crabby, and sometimes downright mean person I become on some days. I don't have a good specific story, but I just have been very grumpy about dealing with my kids lately, and it's good to know I am not alone - we all have these days (weeks? months?) when patience is low and tensions are high. I'm sure overall we are all wonderful parents and hopefully our kids won't remember the "Bad Mommy" moments! At least won't remember most of 'em ...

[Annie]

I used to struggle like a wild animal and whine whenever my mom brushed my hair ("It hurts! You are hurting me! I don't want my hair brushed!") no matter how gently she brushed. One time when I was six, she finally lost it and yelled at me to be quiet, then told me that she wasn't brushing my hair hard -- she would SHOW me what hard felt like.

Then she pulled too hard on a knot and ripped out a clump of hair on accident.

Despite some occasional freak out and bald spot, my mom was a really good mom and I turned out just fine.