Go Ask Me: conference advice
March 16, 2011A couple of months ago, Lauren from Better in Real Life wrote to ask my advice about conferences. "I actually just got back from Alt Summit and your post on not really enjoying conferences and always feeling awkward and out of place really struck a chord," she wrote. "…I don't feel good at being around hordes of other bloggers, but I'm worried avoiding these get-togethers is going to hurt my business. (I'm looking to use my blog as outreach for freelancing, not so much living off of advertisement.) How do you go about navigating the social aspect of the blogging world?"
Well! First of all, Lauren, you are so cute I kind of want to marry you. If I said that at a conference you'd run away. Or maybe I'd run away because I would not be able to believe I had just said that. But it's true!
I realize we can't marry each other, Lauren. I KNOW THAT. Come back!
Okay then. Now that you're all relaxed and I'm giving you a back rub and you're totally into it (what?), here are some of my tips for surviving and even enjoying conferences. It can be done!
1. Know that conferences are awkward for most everyone. Even the "cool" people or the ones wearing matching pink satin jackets who keep brandishing switchblades at you. Conferences are overwhelming, and many of us are introverts at heart, no matter how gregarious we seem at these things. A lot of people are sweating as violently as you are.
2. Know your reason for going. You've already said you're looking for freelance contacts, so good! You have that down. With that in mind:
3. Go in with a plan. Know exactly how many panels you want to attend. Have a sense of who you want to meet, and contact them beforehand to say hi, if you haven't already. Try to gather up a group of friendly acquaintances who are also going, and plan to meet them somewhere at the beginning of the conferences.
4. Go easy on yourself. Having a plan also means planning downtime. If you hate gathering with the conference crowd for morning breakfast, order room service, or go out for a quick breakfast. If you're a morning person, don't commit to staying out late every night. Don't feel like you have to attend every event on the schedule. Plan a nap, or just a half-hour in the room to read a magazine or surf the Internet like humans were MEANT TO DO.
5. I'm going to reiterate that last point, because it's really important: you can pick and choose what you do. By no means do you have to do everything. Pick the stuff that works for your reasons for going, and cut down on that by 1/3rd, because you don't want to exhaust yourself.
6. Bring snacks. Maybe it's just me, but I always find the food part of conferences the most challenging. I need a lot of protein or I get shaky and emotional. Which is two of the worst things to be at a conference.
7. Have an exit plan. You don't have to attend all of the conference, as I've said. You don't have to attend more than one event, especially if you make some valuable contacts at that one event and feel good about yourself. If you have friends in the surrounding areas, talk with them about meeting up or even crashing at their place, if you're one day into the conference and can't deal. It's really okay. And it doesn't mean you should never attend a conference again.
8. Don't schedule important work or much of anything, really, for a couple of days following the conference. First of all, especially if you're traveling long distances, you'll be suffering from Social Hangover, which can only be cured with a day or two of dumb movies and no one talking at you. Secondly, every time I've gone to a conference I've come back with some kind of virus. Which leads me to tip #9.
9. Remember to wash your hands frequently.
Now, the big question is, are these conferences worth it?
Well. Who can say, really? You never know who you're going to meet, and what good stuff might come your way as a result. I've gone into conferences thinking NEVER AGAIN, and come out with good memories. I've gone in with enthusiasm and left feeling awful. But really, the more I get used to them and how weird they are, the easier they get. You have to weigh the hassle and the awkwardness against the potential reward, but I think good things can come out of them. Now go forth and conference!
(Everyone else: if you see Lauren at the next conference, don't you dare whip out your switchblade in her presence. You do, you'll have me to answer to. And I've got a shiv tucked into my garter.)
Reader Comments (28)
This is good advice for life in general.
You've actually answered some questions I had about conference too, but unlike Lauren, I'm too socially awkward to even ask.
I have another one to throw on the pile. Because the cost of conferences is so expensive, do you have any that you recommend for beginners? It's hard to know what to choose.
Also, I got yours and Eden's book yesterday and have flipped around haphazardly and am loving it. I wanted to tell you in my flipping around, I saw mentions of focaccia bread in three different places. Which of you is so into focaccia?
That is good advice! And hilarious as always. You should do more of these.
Your advice about "go in with a plan" actually gave me another idea: Have a plan in terms of "I am going to meet 3 new people," and that might give you the confidence to just go up to someone, "Hi, I'm Lauren!" and then mentally be like "one person, check." I might try that one myself....
Woo hoo! Reading all of these in a nice neat little row (what? I'm NEUROTIC) actually makes me pumpd for my next conference opportunity. They are quite the little investment - which is why I feel compelled to go to EVERYTHING, but the next time I really need to schedule downtime and take more snacks. By the end there I was running on pure adrenaline and teeth gritting.
Thanks for the love!! you made this a fabulous internet week. :)
Okay so I may have been blog stalking you for years, but I still can't believe it when I hear folks who seem so comfortable say they are uncomfortable at conferences too.
Your panel last year at Mom 2.0 was one of the most inspiring I've been to on the social media circuit. You were talking about something you obviously love so I'm sure that helps.
Guessing some of us just need to get over being convinced that the rest of the world is way cooler than I am (um...I mean WE are).
Great advice, of course! And I totally agree with Amie that your panel at Mom 2.0 was one of the best I've ever heard at one of these conferences. Which I why I'm so looking forward to seeing you there again this year.
Fantastic advice. I'm off to AusBlogCon tomorrow evening, going to be so much fun, but also terrifying.
Better go find some hand sanitiser to take with me.
Good advice about the conferences. I'm signed up for a few this spring and summer and while it sounded so good at the time, now I'm having second thoughts. Oh, I also need protein and recently didn't have any for almost all day at a seminar (forgot my little snack bag of nuts, my protein drink and my cheese at home) as they only thing they had was coffee and doughnuts. Thought I was going to pass out, but lived to tell (as they say in Texas). Love your blog!
I get super nervous at conferences, so I usually try to find a wingman. (wingwoman?)
It's much easier for me to meet new people when I am with someone I know who makes me feel comfortable!
My number one tip for conference-going is always this: Have (at least!) one go-to person who you can hold hands with while walking into a big room full of a thousand people or text in a panic when you get lost in the expo hall or need to GET AWAY OUT OUT OUT and breathe a little. That one person will make all the difference.
Genevieve: that's a good question. What's a good starter conference? Anyone else have opinions?
As for the focaccia issue, that's all Eden. The Brian Dennehy obsession is mine.
Amie, I'm so glad you liked last year's panel! It was a lot of fun. No one can put me at ease like Brene Brown. You should come to our writing workshop this year!
Well yes. And now, not for shameless self-promotion but because I have always thought you and I could be best friends in some other life, here's my link from a conference last December where I said a lot of the same things:). http://amidprivilege.com/?p=2081. I just hope you read it, and maybe feel a sense of camaraderie as I did, reading this. It's so reassuring to have the writings of a hyper-sensitive person out there. Especially so skilled. Thank you. If you were ever to teach a writing class I'd take it.
Oh, and I assume everyone here feels they could be your best friend, in another life, right? Right?
Haha! I always read your blog and sometimes your column. I have never left a comment before but when I saw that you had titled this "Go Ask Me" I just about fell out of my chair laughing! You are hilarious! I love you!
Lisa, your post is so much more detailed and organized. GODDAMN IT I MEANT TO WRITE THOSE THINGS. No I didn't. But at any rate. Good job! Yes!
HB, THANK YOU for getting my joke. I'm glad it amused someone besides myself.
I'm job searching, which has meant in part working on my networking skills. I learned a great tactic somewhere recently: go into an event (conference, workshop, party, whatever) with a goal of talking to a specific number of people. If you're really uncomfortable in social situations, make it just one or two. Then, if you haven't gotten comfortable after achieving that goal, leave the event. You've met your goal, so you can leave guilt free. This has really improved how I feel in large gatherings.
Adding a little post-conference advice: email everyone you met and tell them how great it was to meet them, follow up on any advice/references/conversations you might have talked about, etc. etc. Social networking doesn't end at the conference, which is a relief for me because I am so much better at emailing than I am at doing stuff in person.
I'm so glad that you didn't underestimate the importance of snacks. There's nothing worse than falling into a hypoglycemic coma precisely at the moment the panelist says,"Making money writing a blog requires two simple steps." ZZZzzz
Preach it on the snacks. I feel for conference organizers in this regard, feeding people on a reasonable budget is a pain in the rear. I'm a grown up; I know what I need. I know I turn into a truly evil person on bread and pasta. If I don't want to ride the blood sugar rollercoaster I bring protein bars and shakes.
I find sometimes, if I'm having a hard time being around people that if I just go to the room for twenty minutes or so, put on my pjs and sit in the relative quiet, I can usually go back out and make nice for another few hours. If I don't do this, you just might find me rocking in a corner mumbling something about no more hugs, I can't take another hug.
Also, a note to people of short statures, if you insist on a hug and won't go for a side hug, your face is going to end up in my chest. This is your fault for not accepting the friendly handshake or my awkward attempts to deflect the hug.
I've never been to a blogging conference, but I go to pastor's conferences, which are full full full of extroverts and all-my-life-i-have-been-pressured-to-act-like-an-extroverts.So that can be gruesome.
The best bit of advice came from my old boss, who said "I don't expect you to go to any sessions." Literally. No sessions at all. "Sit by the pool," he said. "See who walks by." (Pastors conferences tend to be in San Diego. In February or March.) "Never turn down an offer of lunch or a coffee or a beer."
wet-TING my pants over Number 6.
Isn't it just me, Alice Bradley, or are you really funny?
You should write a book or something (;
This is perfect timing for me...I bought my BlogHer ticket, have roommates and no plan! I still have time, but I think you've made me feel like this doesn't have to be the ultimate experience. I can take from it what I want.
Or not.
#1 - Thank you for not brandishing your switchblade at me when I so AWKWARDLY went up to you at Blogher to tell you that IloveyourblogomgIfeellikeyou'reanoldfriendHI!HI!.
(That was awkward. Sorry!)
1. If you and Lauren are in the market for a sister wife I might be interested.
2. I prefer summit to conference
3. I ate all my snacks on the plane ride out.
4. R O O M S E R V I C E and BATHS and NO ROOMMATES (isn't that 75% of going?)
5. I came home with my first sinus infection.
I am attending my first one ever at Mom 2.0 Summit next month and phew, now I can relax a little and go buy me some snazzy clothes to wear!
Thanks!