Happy new year, or whatever.

Look, I’m generally a fan of celebration, but New Year’s Eve is the worst holiday ever. Am I right, folks? Can I get an amen? Why are you all looking at me like that? What are you pocketing—are those sparkly 2010 glasses? What party did you all go to and why wasn’t I invited?

I just can’t get into New Year’s. If we stay in, I’m certain I missed something, and if we go out, I have to kiss people I don’t know and there’s noise and my feet hurt from the high heels and I’m wondering why I didn’t just stay home. Bah.

I may be crankly this morning (crankly? I’m leaving it) because my building neighbors all decided the advent of a new year was a perfect excuse to unleash their heretofore-contained need to DEAFEN THE WORLD. Open your doors, folks! Play that thumpy-thump music louder! Do you have an air horn? Well then BLOW IT! Blow it so all the world can hear that you are, you know, alive, and you are capable of blowing things! That sounded wrong! OH WELL!

We decided we’d stay in and “enjoy” a “quiet” New Year’s, just Henry and Scott and myself, and all was well until the stroke of midnight, when there was some inexplicable squabbling as the ball dropped and we began the New Year with tears and recrimination. How festive! Just as we all made up, the building went insane. It seems a massive celebration was raging in our building all that time, and yet we didn’t hear a single peep, not a footstep outside our door, until the stroke of midnight. Suddenly there was shouting and bombs were going off and we all made a run for our beds and hid under the covers, praying for a quick ending to whatever was going down in the rooms around us.

Fortunately Henry was exhausted enough to drop right off, noise be damned, but it took the two of us a little longer. We somehow managed to get to sleep by, oh, two a.m., and were then awakened at FIVE by some drunken neighbors in the hall, leaning against our DOOR and yes I realize I am CAPITALIZING random WORDS. I listened to some guy I’ve never seen before leaning against our door (why yes I WAS peeping through the peephole—that’s what it’s for!) loudly questioning another guy about where he was going to do…something. Drugs? Urination? Unclear. “You going to do that outside? Not in here? Are you going to do it in the hall right here? Or you going home?” Murder? Knitting? What was going on?

At this point Scott arrived and took the bull by the horns by opening the door and informing this total stranger that the hallway wasn’t the best place to carry on an INCREDIBLY LOUD conversation and could he maybe go back to, you know, his own place of residence. We got a look at this guy, and oh my, was he drunk. So, so drunk. Eyes rolling in the head, weaving around drunk. He just kept saying “It’s New Year’s Eve!” (“It’s New Year’s day,,” I observed) and telling us he’s lived in the building for 20 years. 20 years! That gives you tenure, or whatever, so of course you can do drugs or murder in the hallway or at least TALK about it, geez.

So listen, I haven’t had much sleep, and I’m in a little bit of a bad mood and I may be contemplating running up and down the stairs with a large pan and a mallet and making some traditional New Year’s Day Racket for my hungover neighbors to enjoy, SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT. But in all truth, 2009 was kind of amazing for the Finslippy household—sucky for the rest of the world, sure, but total aces for us!—and I’m sure 2010 will be even better. Once I get some sleep. And stop wondering what that guy was going to do in the hallway. His taxes? Really, I can’t figure it out.

Comments

[JustLinda]

Last night, my 5 year old said "New Year's Eve is kind of lame."

I choose to believe she was making an astute observation of the holiday overall and not a comment on how lamely her parents choose to celebrate it.

[LondonMisfit]

You could have been describing my New Year - except my revenge this morning was cranking up an 800Watt tile saw to help all those hangovers achieve maximum capacity. Well, I just had to cut that last tile for the bathroom...

Happy New Year :-)

[The Bug]

Ouch - I there WOULD have been murder in the hallway if it had been me - I'm pretty crankly when I don't get my sleep either.

You're hilarious.

[hi kooky]

Amen.

[Holly]

Yay, you are cranky too!!!

Anyone else?! It's a PARTY!

[Sheila]

Crankly is a FABULOUS word. Thank you for adding to my vocabulary...as well as to my enjoyment of 2009. Love to read what you write as you do it so very well. May 2010 be fabulous for you and all you love.

[Jenn]

Thanks Alice. Best blog post of 2010!

[Rebecca at Alice]

Haha, I think the holiday is overrated as well. We've made a tradition of staying in, partly to avoid disappointment of going out, saving money, and as a way to relax after the holidays. I really enjoy it. Although, we had loud people at 6am as well - eek!

[Lynne Marie Wanamaker]

I count NY Eve among the top reasons that I fled Brooklyn--my condolences to you. At least you are able to be brilliantly funny, in addition to crankly, about it.

[Unplanned Cooking]

Ha ha, that's what's hardest about NY Eve -- the expectations! We stayed in with some friends and put the kids down for an early bedtime. That never disappoints :).

[Badger]

I've always said there was a fine line between murder and knitting. Who knows what sort of malice Scott thwarted in your hallway? IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING.

[Big Dot]

Yes, and there was me in bed before midnight too, and up bright and early enjoying a walk in the beautiful fresh morning feeling super-smug going past all those houses still with drawn curtain. Nothing like a good dose of moral superiority for getting a new decade off to a splendid start!

Looking forward to another year of your brilliant blog, Alice. Happy New Year!

[Kate @ And Then I Was a Mom]

I'll give you an amen. It's so totally Amateur Night.

May I just say an eensy something about those stupid 2010 glasses? Apart from the very unfortunate braids so many people get while on a cruise, those glasses are the least flattering thing on the FACE OF THE EARTH.

Anyway. Watch out for hallway knitting. Sounds bad.

[Susan]

I spend every New Year's Eve curled up with my little boy, kissing his sweet face while he sleeps. This will undoubtedly piss off his future girlfriends, but they can just bite me.

[Diana Field]

Oh, how I wish I had found your writing earlier! At least though, here on day one of 2010, I have the chance to keep reading your wonderful words! I live in a small town and am planning a move to Seattle. My sons live there and I want to be closer to them. Too many years in a quiet place and I am ready for some loudness and people who stay up past 9pm! Here's to towns, large and small, and whatever goes along with them!

Susan's comment= funniest ever!

[kristi]

Oh, I've missed your posts - so funny! Wishing you continued goodness in 2010!

[Sophie]

Hurray! You're here. All's well.

[roo]

Happy New Year, Alice!

Best wishes to you and yours in 2010-- however you choose to celebrate (or not.)

[Guera!]

Come on Alice. It's one night! And if it didn't exist the goings-on that inspired this post wouldn't have existed and therefore this post would not have existed and we would not have all just had a great laugh to begin the New Year. Thank YOU!

[Sally]

NYE is the worst holiday, I agree.

[kaylen]

Nothing says Welcome to A New Year with Hope and Sunshine and Puppies, like a drunken fool keeping you awake all night! :)

[Fable]

Haha, that should totoally be our new New Year's Day tradition!

[jael]

I love it. I totally envy your New Year's. Congratulations on the Best New Year's Ever.

[QueenSarah]

You are so awesome

[Excelita]

I'm with you on that one! And I always feel like I have to justify myself for not wanting to party it up on that particular night!This year Cirque de Soleil was doing their show here, so we did that and then just a nice dinner.