Hey! Let's catch up on some things!
July 21, 2011I've received a few emails asking me what ever happened with my Crossfit attempt. Here's what! Nothing. Crossfit is kinda pricey, and I can't rationalize it right now, especially now that I'm working on some longer-term projects that aren't delivering insta-paychecks. Or actually any paychecks at all. At least not yet. NOT YET. So maybe later, Crossfit. Or maybe never, actually. I'm still considering my options.
I haven't even been able to face going back to the gym, for some reason. Actually I know perfectly well why. Before it got super-crazy hot, I got into running/walking/crawling-sobbing in the park--that's why. Also Henry was home, and he's definitely too old for the gym day care, so I was doing push-ups and so forth while he acted as my coach. He's the world's worst coach, I have to say. He kept turning off my timer when I was in mid-plank because he TOUCHED IT when I told him NOT TO TOUCH IT but it's my iPhone, so it's a magical thing that must be touched.
I have no excuses not to go since Henry's been at camp (he's returning in two days! My Littlest Excuse is coming home!). Except that it's hot, which I know means it'll be crowded at the gym, and UGH. People. Am I right, folks?
I don't think of myself as a total misanthrope, but I had drinks recently with two friends (Hi, Sarah and Jennifer! I'm talking about you!) and I brought up the topic of Other Parents and how I hate chit-chatting with Them at school pick-up and what if they want to be FRIENDS, what do I DO, and from Sarah and Jen's reaction, it was clear I was alone with this feeling. Look. LOOK. I like lots of parents at Henry's school. I just don't like Parents as a category. I like people. It's Humanity I have a hard time with.
It's possible I'm just a dick.
Oh! Speaking of being a dick! Here's a little story for you that's been haunting me for, well, years. I was living in New Jersey, and I was at my then-psychiatrist's office. She was someone I had a great rapport with, so I felt chatty one day, and decided to (gently?) poke fun at this artwork that was on her wall. It had a purple flower on it, and it said, "Love. Faith. Believe." I was staring at it, and before I knew what was happening, I was saying, "Why 'believe'?"
"Excuse me?" she said. (Or something like that. Let's pretend I remember.)
"If you're going to write 'love' and "faith,' shouldn't it be 'belief'?"
Here I thought she was going to chuckle, as she was wont to do, and think, oh, Alice, that is so you. Or maybe she'd think lord when will this asshole leave my office, isn't her time up? But either way, she would appear to tolerate my antics.
Instead, she looked vaguely stricken, and said something noncommittal about not having considered that. I may have imagined the tension, but I don't think so. I am usually oblivious to tension that I've directly created, so for me to be aware of it really says something. I left feeling like I'd turned into Larry David. Her MOM probably made that, you guys. And now I had ruined it for her.
And the next time I came in? It was gone. GONE. What could I say? "Hey, remember that print that you had up that I mocked? Why's it gone? DID I MAKE IT GONE?" There was nothing I could say. I thought about it every time I came back. You want to know the reason we left New Jersey? There you go. (Not really.)
Reader Comments (38)
I'm with you on the 'people' thing! I can't decide if I like people in general, or really don't like people in general. I would totally risk my life to save a stranger who was about to be hit by a car or something, but people really do suck. And the more you have to deal with, the more stress you have. And crowds! No thank you!
I am with you 100% on these things! There is some (sexist) saying that is like, "Men like women 'in general,' but they don't necessarily like all women one-on-one. Women like men one-on-one, but they don't necessarily like 'men' in general." (I know, sexist). I'm sure I butchered that quote but you get the idea. But your post reminded me of that saying b/c with me, I can grow to like 'a person' one-on-one, but I really dislike "people" and "small talk" and "THEM" in general.
That is really truly hilarious about the painting and totally something I would have done :-X . I am also "that guy" who corrects everything, but, how will people LEARN if I don't tell them... :-/ .
And that sign being sold (linked to in the comments) just about slays me...
If hating school pick-up/parent chit-chat makes you a dick, then I'm a dick too. I've actually been wondering lately if I am (a dick, that is), so I'm glad to have this clarity. Also glad to know that at least I'm not alone.
Oh my gosh.
I understand you.
I really understand you.
That remark on the print?
Things come out of my mouth like that, too.
I'm going to preface from now on with "And I say this as your friend."
that's as good a reason for leaving jersey as any.
I've mostly outgrown my existentialist phase, but what that Sartre guy said was true: Hell is other people. Except you and your commenters, Alice - your company is welcome as you are all so funny and real. I guess it helps that none of us has to meet face to face either.
As someone who deliberately goes into work late in the day after everyone's gone so I don't have to talk to people, I get it. Yes, I understand I could get off work much earlier if I went in before noon. But then I'd have to talk to PAM and VALERIE and LISA and... I'd just rather not. If that makes me a dick, so be it.
Ooops, my first attempt at the comment crashed. Anyway, I tried Paleo and lo and behold it works. I've lost 25 pounds. And ran a half marathon. I didn't read the book though, so I sort of just made it up from what I'd heard. I cut out grains, dairy, beans, sugar and alcohol (for a while but now I drink again! And I have cream in my coffee!) and now I eat veggies, meat, eggs, nuts, seeds, fruit, olives, and plant based oils. Also bacon. And I feel fantastic. And I'm training for a triathlon. I'm not perfect, at all. But I'm hardly ever hungry. And I sleep. And I'm more awake. And I eat dark chocolate on day 23 of my cycle, without fail. Just sayin'.
I get this... I always say (maybe that's think) that I really like people in concept. It's dealing with them that stumps me. What I really can't explain is how often I've found myself in the middle of a pleasant conversation only to have to hide the horror on my face when the person I'm talking to decides to share a blatantly racist/homophobic/bigoted view as a 'friendly' talking point.
Yeah, that stuff makes me crazy as well. I haven't frequented several businesses around here simply because they've put the damn apostrophe in the wrong spot.
Yet I'm still in NJ, enjoying the heat...
It's called parallelism and it's A THING! You were so completely right! F that poster. You did her a favor.
Not just parents, people.
I'll admit to having ducked behind a shelf or two at the bookstore to avoid having to talk to an acquaintance.
Hey. I'm there to buy books, my drug of choice, not make nicey with some ... person.
On the other hand, if we could interact with people like we interact with dogs or small children, it would be fun. -- stare briefly, say hi hi hi! ... stare briefly, walk away.
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