Ho ho hurrrgh
December 11, 2012On Saturday we did a thing we should not have done. We went to the Toys R Us in Times Square.
If you live in New York, if you've ever visited New York, or if you have even a smidgen of sense you are wondering what might be wrong with us. "Don't go to the Toys R Us in Times Square on a Saturday, especially on a Saturday a few weeks before Christmas" is right up there in the Most Obvious Advice Category, right after "Don't do a Google Image Search for 'syphilis.'"
The answer is, I have no answer for you. We took leave of our senses. We were in the neighborhood, we were already suffering, and Saturday being the first day of Hanukkah, we thought we'd get a little something for Henry because usually I get him something and I forgot. We thought "How bad could it be, really?" and we shared that thought with one another, and the response that came back to us was not "Worse than you can possibly imagine in your worst nightmares." It was not "Hieronymus Bosch-like levels of horrible."
Like this, only waaaay more crowded.
Even Henry, who was pretty amped up about getting a Hanukkah gift, was like, "Mother? Father? We are leaving here and never returning." Unfortunately we had already entered, and were trapped in a sea of people. You can't paddle upstream, when it's people. You somehow find yourself on the up escalator, wondering if they really need to have the enormous animatronic T-Rex blasting and lurching like it's going to eat us and making the kids scream and you know what? I'm not writing about this anymore. It was horrible! The end!
The good news is we got out. And also we never have to go there ever again. But seriously, Toys R Us? You are not allowed to let your stores exceed maximum capacity. You are lucky no one was injured. Or maybe they were, and you stuffed them in your T-Rex? Either way, you are worse than terrible.
Let's forget all about Toys R Us. Let's watch Maymo, shall we? Hi Maymo!
Maymo always helps. And never hurts. Maymo is un-terrible.
What else? Well, my friends! WELL! I've got the second round of A Practice of Writing coming up, beginning January 14th. (Those of you paying attention will note that I changed the date from December 31st. Who starts a class on New Year's Eve? Honestly.) I will be opening registration this week. Get ready.
Reader Comments (11)
This is the best dog. Ever.
I haven't yet visited New York, but have similarly taken leave of my senses in Toronto stores. Perhaps they pump something into the air?
I feel your pain. I chose last Saturday to take my oldest daughter (12) and her 3 yr old brother into Georgetown. There was both foot and car traffic. There wasn't space to get out of it, turn onto a side street, panic and make a wild left into oncoming traffic. It was horrible. HOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRIBLE. Once we parked and started walking, it felt like the crowd was pushing us along. I did not like that. I did not like that one bit. I said to myself (albeit aloud) I will never do this again.
I'm glad you were not eaten by the T-Rex.
Laughed out loud, THANK YOU (talking about the dog, not the writing class. B/C why would I laugh at something I'm sitting here with pen in hand (well keyboard on lap anyway) waiting for the second it opens up?
x0
Well ... I'm now *open* for NYE, people. DM me!
Thank you for that. The Maymo part, not so much the Toys-R-Hellfire part. I needed a laugh and Maymo came through.
Yours sounds like the worst of the worst but there needs to be a word for that moment when you are trapped in a store and can't get out. Like the sudden feeling of rising panic and the seeming distance of the entrance. And the hours that seem to have passed. "I've been here so long. I must get out, I must get out, how do I get OUT?"
What would be the word for it? Exitosis? Delirium Target? Macysplasia?
I keep going back though. I've been to that Toys R Us and I personally think it's some Boschian/Dantes Inferno action. Like the M&M store is the 5th Circle but Toys R Us is at least the 7th.
You just described my worst nightmare. This is precisely why I put off my Christmas shopping. Which ends up screwing me over even worse, because then I have to venture out a few days before Christmas to buy gifts. Oh why do I do this to myself? I suppose I could do online shopping, but thats too easy. I prefer to make my life more complicated and stressful. Sigh.
Thank goodness for Maymo. Because your Toys R Us tale of woe and horror brought back memories of every single time I have EVER gone to Ikea (aka: Flatpack R Us). But Maymo? Saved the day. AND showed me a cunning trick for covering up the awful 'do I allowed a 17 year old "stylist" to inflict on me recently.
Ugh. We took the kids on their first NYC adventure a week ago this past Sunday. I thought our Toys R Us experience was an epic nightmare ... until we took them to see the tree after night fell.
I was at Woodstock '94. Pretty sure the crowd at Rockefeller was bigger..
The funniest part of this post for me is remembering that I had Bosch's "The Garden of Earthly Delights" hanging over my bed in my first apartment in college. Because I thought that made me seem cool.
Count your blessings! At least you didn't get attacked by a light saber:
http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2011/12/portland_police_arrest_man_aft_1.html