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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« If someone wrote a movie based on how I play with my son. Part 2: Spy movie. | Main | Do you doubt that he can make the seas part? You should not. »

If someone wrote a movie based on how I play with my son. Part I: Action movie.

Two men lie among blown-up vehicles of all kinds. The random vehicle components are hard to identify, as if they're all generic pieces that could fit any particular way into each other.

Man 1 (sitting up): I am going to build my space probe. I'm Han Solo.

Man 2 (also sitting up): Uh, me too. Wait, who am I?

Han Solo: Look at yourself.

Man 2: I seem to have a droid arm and the Joker's midsection and Princess Leia's head. This is very confusing.

Han Solo: No, you're Count Dooku. You're my sworn enemy.

Count Dooku: If you say so.

Count Dooku starts whaling on Han Solo.

Han Solo: NOT YET. First we have to build. All these pieces (sweeps hand toward left side of barren field) are for my deploying space probe. You have to use those other pieces.

Count Dooku: But there are only, like, a few wheels, and an axle. What can I build?

Han Solo: (shrugging) I don't know.

They build for what seems like hours. Count Dooku keeps giving up and lying down, until Han Solo yells at him to get back up.

Count Dooku: This is boring. Can we fight now? Or something?

Han Solo: Time to fight. Okay, I'm going to blast you with my space probe.

Count Dooku: I don’t think space probes are meant for blast—

Han Solo: You've been blasted.

Count Dooku: Oh, hell.

Han Solo: You're dead. Lie down.

Count Dooku lies down. Han Solo just stands there. Then he throws himself to the ground as well.

Roll credits.

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Reader Comments (31)

Hysterical. This exactly how my son and I play, especially the lying down until Han Solo yells at me.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertsc
This is Jung's Collective Unconscious in action. I think all boys play this in some version or another depending on their particular cultural literacy.

Think of how this could have played out in Ancient Greece. Only, not Sparta because there it wasn't a game and their moms were nowhere in sight.

August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGreta
My God, this is brilliant. I would so watch this movie. Especially if things blow up. I like it when things blow up.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDM
Whoa! this is how I play with my sons too! the lying down part is my favorite.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristen
I just love that you are the one wanting to fight! I also get yelled at for lying down a lot.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith
Thank you for the big smile, that is what I needed on a Monday.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda
He'll write a book someday on having the best mom EVER.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth_K
This is hilarious. My son is only 16 months but I'm looking forward to this stage!
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTwice Five Miles
It's not just me!!??
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarahd
Further proof of my theory (based on my similarly-behaving children) that all this action hero play is really an excuse for our kids to be Director for a while. It's all about the setup and the bossing.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentershriek house
How funny!
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJasmine
Too cute; I love it.Brings back lots of great memories.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen at IslandRoar
This made me smile.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole
I was waiting for you to say that YOU were Han all along.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSwedish Pankakes
I never comment because you always have so many comments. And you almost always make me laugh, but THIS time I REALLY laughed, and I just had to say, damn, you are hilarious. There's a reason I keep you in my reader even through blog-following cutbacks. :)
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFawn
A propos of nothing.

I swear by your "Blogs I like" list. It is compiled in good faith and includes excellent writers. The new additions surprise me. These seem to be merely product placement and/or business advancement blogs. Would you care to elaborate on the rationale behind listing these?

August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarta
I don't have kids, but I've played this game with my little brother and now his kids, and it's so much fun to watch their imaginations at work. No story has to be perfect; it just has to be fun! :) Great post!
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertomncristy
I love this.And it actually sounds a lot like how we used to play with our Barbies, except Ken's not in the middle of a 10 minute diatribe about losing his head under the dresser for the third time this week.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSoph

I don't understand. I added a couple of blogs that I've come to know and love. I would not define any of them as you have.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlice
I may be wrong. Let me go back and do my reading. I trust your judgement immensely. Lie down, Luke and finish up that third paragraph! I implore you!
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermarta
Thanks, Marta, for giving the blogs another look!

Communicatrix and Fluent Self I consider self-improvement blogs; Oh Happy Day I just love because it makes me happy; and then there are Diamond in the Window and Liz Under the Bridge, both written by people close to my heart, and I've written about them before. Those are the only new blogs I added recently.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlice
Cracking up right now. I have 3 boys - age 7, 4, and 6 months, and your short little play sounded like my entire summer. Hilarious!
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSam
I think I could be very good at that playing dead thing.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfeefifoto
Note to self: Play games that require one person (preferably mom) lie down for extended periods of time. Got it. Brilliant.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin@TheLocalsLoveIt
Oh, lord ... replace you with me, Henry with my niece and the random vehicle components with Polly Pocket pieces. Dante's 10th Ring of Hell is losing one of Polly's microscopic shoes.
August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFranca Bollo

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