I'm cracking down because you told me to.
December 20, 2006Last night: Chicken cutlets, steamed broccoli with lemon, whole-wheat couscous.
Result: couscous tasted and vehemently rejected; other foods refused.
Interesting factoid: Couscous can settle into nooks and crannies of your dining room faster than you can say STOP SPITTING IT ALL OVER THE PLACE. You'll find couscous nubbins everywhere the next day! And the bitter memories will resurface.
Tonight: Chicken-apple sausage, sauteed kale, mashed potatoes, butternut squash soup. (What can I say? I'm in a cooking mood. Also, the soup is most definitely not homemade. I'm not in that much of a cooking mood.)
Chances of him eating anything: the butternut squash soup used to be a contender, which is why I'm including it. Everything else? HA HA HA HA HA.
Pray for me.
UPDATE: Nothing. Nothing! He talked a great deal about the soup and how he was going to try it, but then demurred when I offered the slightest bit of encouragement. Luckily I didn't care so this didn't bother me one bit. (I am now stifling a scream.)
Reader Comments (109)
Also something I picked up from Supernanny for a 7 year old who basically only ate fries. Try giving him a choice of meals and getting him involved in the preparation of the food. Harder work for you but takes his mind away from the battle and the impact it has on you which as you rightly say is the thing keeping him going.
The choice idea is to write out each day (in 4-year old attractive style) two menus covering protein, carbs and vegetables plus dessert. Then explain them to him excitedly and let him choose which one he wants - but he has to choose one.
Then try to involve him in making the meal - tricky when he's only four but he could help measure out goods, get pots and pans for you maybe etc. Tell him where food comes from and how its grown so he knows its not scary.
When you eat it together make sure he is praised when he has his first bite of each different food, but don't say anything if he doesn't eat.
Hope this helps...
He tried going without supper, and then asking for a snack after we were all done... that was amusing. I reoffered his supper, and he was less than impressed.
The only other thing we do is if he refuses to eat something that i know he likes (or at least, doesn't mind), e.g., peas, we'll give him an arbitrary number he must eat before he can get down from the table. We started this by requiring that he eat one pea, or 1/4 of a brussel sprout, etc. Once this became a standard request, we upped the required amount. Currently we request 5 spoonsful of peas before he may be excused from the table.
Also, and really more for my peace of mind than anything, i give him a children's multi-vitamin.
I hope this helps. And good luck!
In our house we serve one dinner and anyone who doesn't want it I will make them instant oatmeal after dinner is finished being eaten and cleaned up. It is their only alternative. This is a low key alternative with no judgment attached and respect for the dinner that's on the table built in. My 2 cents. Good luck however you proceed!
I too had a 4 year old that ate mostly from the "white" food group. He could eat nothing but bread and be very happy. There were many night when he went to bed without eating anything. Well, he would drink his dinner milk, and that was it. Breakfast and lunch were his big meals.
At his 5 year old checkup his pediatrician asked me if mealtimes were an issue. I told him not really an "issue" because I made one thing for the whole family, and it was ds's choice whether to eat it. Usually he did not eat it. The doctor (love him!) looked at ds and told him how important it was to keep trying different foods, even when he knew he didn't like them, because you never know when you are going to have a "taste-changing day". And how would you know if this particular day was a taste changing day if you never tried new foods? Hearing this from the doctor was eye-opening for him and he was much more willing to try new things, even if he still said he didn't like them - at least he was trying them (because what if today was THE taste changing day?!). It didn't hurt that a few days before this ped appt. ds had (re)tried a taco and liked it. So he could directly relate to the taste changing concept
The other thing I did was change the dessert policy. It used to consist of dd and ds asking how much they had to eat to get dessert. I got tired of the constant negotiations and it usually ended up with no dessert. Now I put less food on their plates and they have to eat the entire thing for dessert (usually a small piece of candy from the bottomless Halloween-Christmas-Valentine-Easter-Birthday candy bag). Slowly I am ramping up the amount of vegetables they are required to eat. AND they are free to use ranch dip for their veggies, if they wish. If they are not hungry enough to finish their plates, then they must not be hungry enough for dessert. We frequently have discussions about whether he is choosing to have dessert tonight.
Lastly, I do try to make at least one vegetable that is not too awful. Usually I make two veggies with dinner (I like the variety and it's easier for me to eat one serving of two veggies than two servings of one.). So one veggie will be something like carrots or green beans, which they get a lot of, and the other will be something a little more interesting and I will give them just a taste. They are always free to ask for more.
Amazingly, DS (now 7 yo) has become much more adventurous that my DD who was the "good eater" He has decided he loves Chinese food, so as a treat we will take him to the local Chinese buffet and he just loves it. The other day he tried sushi (California roll). He said "I regret trying that." LOL! But, I know he will not be afraid to try it again. Occasionally he still has nights when he doesn't eat much for dinner, but that's OK - it's his decision.
Then when I was tired of the whole thing I'd shovel it all in my face and leave the table after an hour or two!
I might add, that now I am always trying to lose 20 lbs. and never have any problem cleaning my plate. I'm thinking if mom had obsessed less about my eating habits as a child I might have a better relationship with food now...(At least it's a good excuse to Blame My Mother for being chunky).
*sigh*
Overall, I agree with the majority - it's most likely a phase and once he sees that 98% of the population is eating all those "yucky" foods, he'll get curious. I know I did and now we eat like kings just about every night! We're always trying new things and our toddler tries them right along with us! Good luck!
We only have my stepson every other weekend. His mother is of the type that finds it easier to give in in the face of resistance than to attempt to take control. This led to a rather picky eater and a mom who found herself cooking as many as four different dinners if husband, son, and daughter disagreed on what they wanted. It also meant that she was sometimes serving someone food as late as 9pm. In my house, that doesn't fly. I make delicious, healthy meals and expect them to be eaten. Over many a weekend, stepson would moan over how horrid the food in front of him was and how he wanted spaghetti. "Nope, this is dinner. Please try it. There will be nothing else." "How much do I have to eat to get dessert?" "Dessert is a special occasion thing in this house. Dinner isn't a negotiation. You can eat what has been prepared, or you can sit and be pleasant company at the table."
It took some doing and I was always selective in what I fixed on those weekends, to make sure nothing was too strange. But, dessert has never been a given in our house and certainly has never been a negotiating tool, I didn't want to set the precedent of NEEDING something sweet after a meal. Now, at 12, at least in our house, stepson eats anything that we put in front of him...from salad made with lovely, bitter escarole with balsamic vinegar to grilled fish to chicken tikka masala and is thrilled at the rarely offered mango or bowl of frozen blueberries with vanilla yogurt for dessert. He loves to go out for sushi and has recently discovered the joy of stuffed grape leaves. Interestingly enough, his mother always complains about what a picky eater he is. Kids like to know where the boundaries are...even if they feel the need to push against them from time to time.
This will pass. He will eat, you are just feeling the weight of his body thrown up against those boundaries.
Keep up the good work. You're doing the right thing. Eventually, he'll get hungry and he'll eat.
I've also never in my life praised a kid for eating or trying a food. If they eat it all and ask for seconds my only remark is that they must be hungry. If they don't touch it or say it's yucky I express regret that they didn't like what was served, but that's what we have for dinner tonight, and the kitchen closes after dinner. They don't starve, believe me.
As for negotiations on how much to eat to qualify for dessert: I don't go there. We keep desserts to a once a week event that everyone gets no matter how much they eat, which removes the whole power-control-reward-good food/bad food thing from the picture.
I realize that vegetables are not Henry's only food phobia, but the one pot meal does wonders at disguising all kinds of things one thinks he hates. But husband grew up eating a peanut butter sandwich on white bread for lunch every day (through all 13 grades) because he insisted that he didn't like anything else. And though he still has to close his eyes to get through it, he will eat any vegetable I can throw into a pot of minestrone soup.
My mother also had the "lunch rule": you could eat more or less whatever you wanted for lunch ("peanut butter again? Sure honey why don't you help me make it?), but dinner was whatever she put on the table.
Oh, and don't give in no matter how much food he spits out. You risk having a painfully picky adult and he'll be hell on dates. I once broke up with a guy because I got sick of only going to restaurants that had food that was either steak or deep fried.
He also needs to learn now that unless he does the cooking or pays for the meal, he'll have to eat what's put in front of him.
I know I sound like a hardass, but playing to him only makes things worse down the road.
BTW: I eat almost everything except green beans. My mother forced me to finish my green beans one night just as I was coming down with a stomach bug. You can guess what happened next. She never forced the issue again.
You know what I'd say if he asks if he'll like the food....I'd say, "I don't know if you will. You'll have to try it, I like it."
And you really are on the right path. It's going to take time that's all. Do not give up!
Well, they lie.
I tried the "put it in front of her and eventually when she's hungry enough she'll eat it."
Twice I've tried this.
Twice my daughter dropped something like 5 pounds in two weeks. Some kids will starve themselves if they have to eat anything other than ketchup on bread.
I say make sure there is at least one tried-and-true portion of something on the table for each meal, offer other foods but never force, and then give a multi-vitamin. I ate naught but gravy bread for years. I now happily wolf down whatever you put in front of me.
And only one of those things you have to actually cook, right? Sounds like heaven to me.
My advice: not a hill to die on. Keep yogurt and multivitamins on hand. You have a long road ahead of you. Back away from the power struggle. I promise, he'll eat a ceasar salad before he's married.
I have a 4 almost 5 year old who is picky too. My strategy is to make sure dinner has ONE thing she will eat. This means we have a side dish of natural applesauce a LOT. It means that sometimes I put containers of yogurt on the table, or bananas.
Other than that, she is invited to eat what we're having or nothing at all.
I just won't battle. I know she eats OK at breakfast and lunch (where the foods are often more amenable or CHOOSE-able.
Still, being this she is my 4th, I do know that they often outgrow it and I'll not worry too much about what she's not eating now.
Good luck!! As you've already discovered, the Terrible Twos are nothing compared to the Fucking Fours. hahah