I'm cracking down because you told me to.

Last night: Chicken cutlets, steamed broccoli with lemon, whole-wheat couscous.

Result: couscous tasted and vehemently rejected; other foods refused.

Interesting factoid: Couscous can settle into nooks and crannies of your dining room faster than you can say STOP SPITTING IT ALL OVER THE PLACE. You'll find couscous nubbins everywhere the next day! And the bitter memories will resurface.

Tonight: Chicken-apple sausage, sauteed kale, mashed potatoes, butternut squash soup. (What can I say? I'm in a cooking mood. Also, the soup is most definitely not homemade. I'm not in that much of a cooking mood.)

Chances of him eating anything: the butternut squash soup used to be a contender, which is why I'm including it. Everything else? HA HA HA HA HA.

Pray for me.

UPDATE: Nothing. Nothing! He talked a great deal about the soup and how he was going to try it, but then demurred when I offered the slightest bit of encouragement. Luckily I didn't care so this didn't bother me one bit. (I am now stifling a scream.)

Comments

[Carolyn Elefant]

While I empathize with your feeling that you lack control over your son's diet, in many ways I envy you. My older daughter was never a picky eater, she enjoyed all foods, from mac and cheese and Mcdonalds to healthy meals like the ones you described in this post. She always had a large appetite and in today's sedentary society with few opportunities to walk to school or run around the neighborhood, we struggle mightily to manage her weight and distract her from food. My younger daughter had a much more limited palate (perhaps not as extreme as your son, but the very kid-typical, e.g., pizza, bagels, mac&cheese as well as wierd choices like celery and cucumbers). But she moderates her eating, declines many foods that she does not like and has never had to worry about her weight. My point is that what seems awful to you would be a blessing to others.

[honestyrain]

i'm going to give you my advice re this matter. it is going to make you feel better. my first child is an eater. will eat pretty much anything except tomatoes and even then he is willing to make exceptions. my second child eats crackers and yogurt. oh and candy. candy above all else. and cereal too. but that's it. thanks, done bye bye.

wait, i forgot ketchup. she will eat JUST KETCHUP.

i've made positively no big deal out of this. i offer her the food we eat as though she may actually eat and when she says no i act like oh she's just not in the mood for that today oh well moving on. sometimes she doesn't even EAT dinner. she snacls all day. that's the way she does business. but i offer. i suggest that it is yummy. i applaud her brother's excellent eating habits without ever suggesting that she is less than him for her own (maddening) ways.

and do you know what? she's starting to try things. all on her very own. she is three and a half. she ate a piece of shitake maki the other day. with SEAWEED!!! i don't think she's ever ever put anything green in her mouth before ever? unless it was candy of course.

i say let it go. let her find him find his way. he will. and even if he ends up living on yogurt and crackers forever remember that he will LIVE. ya, it's annoying but we have to realize that people have different tastes and there just may not be anything you can do about it. don't pretend to be ok with it - be (mostly) ok with it. i bet anything he will come around. in his own damned good and ready time.

and madison is still 99% a pain in the ass about eating, but she's working on it and that's all i can expect. in fact, it's way more than i can expect.

[Yak]

I have a question: what are you doing about breakfast, lunch and snacks? I'm following your saga with bated breath, because you and all the commenters have inspired me to go the same route with my six-year-old starting after the holidays. Here's what she eats: fresh fruit, cold cereal, yogurt, peanuts (not peanut butter), raw carrots, peppers and cucumbers, pancakes, Cheez-Its, and bread-n-butter. That's it. Period. No meat, pasta, potatoes, cheese, beans, pizza, milk (except on cereal), tofu, rice... so Every. Night. For five years. Her main course has been bread and butter, or Multibran Chex. Protein, schmotein! So starting in '07 she can eat what we eat or get up and ger her own damn yogurt. I decided to beat the rush and buy the earmuffs and Valium now.

[Kristen]

I am heartened to know that my 2 year old son is not the only EXTREMELY picky eater out there. His dietary choices consist of yogurt, any kind of crunchy cracker type food, UNCOOKED pasta, apples slices (occasionally), raisins (occasionally), and teeny-tiny mouse bites of a square of a grilled cheese. That's it...oh yeah, he'll eat my father-in-law's homemade biscotti. (Would you like some coffee with that, sweetheart?) AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH! He isn't starving, but I just wonder when we'll start seeing signs of scurvy or some other disease from the middle ages!

[victoria]

Be strong! You can do it!

[Meredith]

OK, here is my been-there-done-that story.

I have two teenage boys, one 14 and the other 16. The younger one has always been an adventurous eater, which is great. The older one, though, was extremely picky when he was young. I remember reading an article back then where the author complained that her child ate *only* ten things, and I thought, "10 things -- WOW, that's GREAT!"

It seems there are three possible ways to deal with a picky eater: (1) give in totally and be a short-order cook (I have not read every post, but my guess is no one advocates that, right?), (2) the strict "this is what's for dinner, eat it or go hungry" approach, or (3) a compromise, where the child is encouraged to have what everyone else is eating, but allowed a back-up meal -- usually something easy to prepare and serve.

I chose the third approach. I encouraged my older son to eat what the rest of the family was having, but if he really did not want to, he could have something that was quick and easy for me to make or that he could make on his own. Usually that was a peanut butter sandwich, a glass of milk, and a banana. Fairly nutritious, actually, and not a big deal to prepare.

The way I figured it, it was very possible that he simply didn't like the foods the rest of us liked, in which case, why shouldn't I respect that? I also recognized it may have been a power struggle, but the way I looked at it, little kids have so little control over their lives, why not let them win this one?

OK, so fast forward to high school. My son's first girlfriend loved sushi, and they sometimes went to a sushi restaurant for a date. Amazingly (to me), my son decided he *loves* sushi. Another example: recently he went with some friends to an Indian restaurant. Now, he loves Indian food. So his peers were able to accomplish what I was not, but that's OK with me.

Bottom line, we had one less thing to battle over while he was young, he certainly didn't starve, and he outgrew his narrow food preferences.

So, my advice: don't make the two of you crazy; encourage him to try new things, but have a simple backup meal just for your kid, and trust that he will eventually come to enjoy a wider variety of foods.

[emjaybee]

You know I'm rooting for you alice! But also, secretly, am looking forward to hearing more stories of what Henry will do to try and thwart you, and how you will outwit him. Is that evil of me? I know you'll win in the end, so I hope not. It's like ringside seats at a prizefight.

[Meredith]

It's me again, the mother of the 16-year-old who outgrew his picky eating habit. I just wanted to add: when my son was Henry's age, and for years after that, he boycotted pretty much anything green and leafy. Now? He *loves* salad, and will eat it every day.

[Chris]

I'm advocating the Meredith approach. We have a similarly picky 15 year old. She's also really really skinny, so if she doesn't eat, she falls apart. What we've always done is to have a regular dinner, but then let her make herself a peanut butter sandwich (plus fruit), or crackers, cheese and fruit, or something simple, but nutritious. The thing is, she grows tired of peanut butter sandwiches, so that's not such an attractive option. Also, as she's gotten older, she really does just like more foods. She used to only eat tacos with chicken and melted cheese (this happened when she was about 10, I think -- this was an improvement!) but now she'll eat regular bean and cheese burritos, and the other night she ate a frozen chicken taco from trader joes which was actually a little bit spicy! I don't know -- I think you're making yourself crazy with this. But I have done the same thing with other issues, with predictable results. Just wait until you get to homework. (heh heh heh)

[Alitza]

We are in the same predicament, although you seem to have a better sense of humor about it than I do. I went back and read your list of foods that your son will eat, and I think he eats quite a bit (or did a year ago)! My child eats: pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches, peanut butter sandwiches, apples, vanilla ice cream, Trix yogurt (and only Trix yogurt), chicken nuggets, french fries, potato chips, cheese crackers, and Life cereal. Yep, that's it. No pasta of any sort, which means he's obviously not related to me. Not a single vegetable. One kind of fruit. Grrr. I'm kind of trying the "ignore it and it will pass" tactic at this point. Good luck!

[Mignon]

Wow. Mention food and kids in the same post and SHAZZAM!!

[jozet]

"The way I figured it, it was very possible that he simply didn't like the foods the rest of us liked, in which case, why shouldn't I respect that?"

Respect. Amen. Amen. Amen.

"I also recognized it may have been a power struggle, but the way I looked at it, little kids have so little control over their lives, why not let them win this one?"

Amen.

Meredith speaks deep wisdom.

[steph]

I'm a recovering picky eater (meat still kinds of freaks me out, but that's more of an animal issue than a food issue) and I still remember so vividly how food was a power struggle with my parents. My parents took the "this is what's for dinner" approach one sadistic step further and would try to make me eat the rejected dinner for breakfast, then lunch, at which point they would finally give up because I was already underweight. It was a disaster all around.My kids are somewhat picky, and I do not force the issue at all other than insisting they eat some fruits and veggies daily. I am not going to turn the kitchen into a battleground.Good luck.

[veronica]

I hope it goes well for you. I have two skinny girls who don't eat enough and I surrendered in the food wars a while back. Life is much more livable now. Good luck.

[Heather]

My parents made me try everything on my plate, at nearly every meal, until I went to college. After a while I forgot about broccoli's stigma and decided I liked it (among other things). Unfortunately my husband's parents gave up on him and to this day he only eats starches, meat and dessert. I fear what raising children like him - with him - will be like. "But Daddy doesn't eat it!" I throw my hands up just thinking about it.

[Rhonda]

My daughter is not hugely picky (as in, she has a modest repetoire of healthy foods, so we can always come up with some kind of compromise, provided she chooses a protein and a veg as part of her meal).

Now, we know a boy who makes your Henry look like one of those Iron Chef judges who tries the Sea Urchin Ice Cream without flinching. He'll eat the macaroni and cheese, but ONLY the Kraft kind. His mom has to bring over *their* brand of mac when they come over because the kind we buy has white cheese (I added food coloring one time, but that didn't fool him for long enough), and the noodles are the wrong length. (Length of noodles! I ask you.)

[Meg]

Oy! Something interesting that isn't often on our radar (shoot, I just recently had an "ah-ha! moment where things clicked into place mentally about my almost-4-yr-old, and I've been reading about this for well over a year thinking "hehe, sure, right") is that food allergies can come in many forms. One of the bigs signs of a possible food allergy is when a person is absolutely, positively, almost addictedly devoted to a specific food... like dairy or starches (and I don't tell you this happily, but dairy and wheat are 2 of the most common food allergies). Two more things to check out (and yes, it will seem weird at first, but try to suspend the disbelief):1) Is This Your Child? (by Doris Rapp, MD)2) http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/foodlab/

[gabriel]

Hi,

We are expecting a baby and are naturally concerned about everything related to babies and kids, like environmentally damaging nappies, toxic toys, caretakers, education ecc. We have started a blog posting everything we find useful and hoping it will be a place to discuss solutions to issues that may arise. Help and comments from anyone with kids are very welcome.

The address is:http://onebabyblog.blogspot.com/



best wishes,

Gabriel

[lizpenn]

maybe someone's already suggested this in the comments above, but: does anyone else want alice to keep posting henry's dinner story every night for as long as she can stand it, so we can trace the evolution (or not) of his eating behavior? the marathoner in me -- the part that loves the movie "they shoot horses, don't they?" -- is fascinated to follow this.

[alice]

Ha! Well, I suspect Henry's eating habits will change slooowly and painfully, so if I did a yearly update it would probably be as fascinating.

[Denise]

At some point he will expand his food choices. My daughter drove me crazy for years but I figured as long as she drank her milk and took a vitamen, she would survive. She is now 13 and surprised us on our last week by agreeing to try the Chiefs Tasting Menu at a very nice restaurant. Although she didn't like everything - she found out she liked more than what she had expected to.

[Not on Fire]

I was were you were a year ago. My oldest has a milk allergy and that led to special meals and pickiness. It was chicken and potatoes or bean and cheese tacos. So we gave it up and went with "eat it or go hungry". There are a few key points that you have remember.

1. You have to be cheerful about it. La la la, eat it or not, your choice. I hope you eat it so that you grow big and strong.

2. Everything must be tried, you don't have to eat it if you hate it, but you must put it in your mouth.

3. No dessert negotiations. Eat the small portion on your plate before more food or other foods.

4. No snack before bed if you didn't eat dinner. You can finish your dinner if you like and then have your snack.

5. Some food on the plate must be familiar.

I actually kept track of the successes and reintroduced them frequently. I also went with his favorite textures. He loves things that are crunchy so that shepard's pie was grilled so that the potato topping was crispy. We had sweet potato chips. We ate soy pretzels. Little by little he has been letting go.

Today we had Indian takeout, he had Chana Masala and Tandoori Chicken. He is definitely improving.

I absolutely agree that 4 was harder than 2!

[reader]

blueberries ARE magical! i love feigning disdain over them. "blueberries? gee, i don't know... have you been good enough for such a special treat?!" my kids like 'em frozen with a bit of soy milk over them and BEG for them.

couscous... would he eat it with stuff added? my husband works a weird schedule, so we're alone for dinner, which becomes our easy-peasy lunch. my kids also beg for couscous many nights a week. i saute up some mushrooms and green onions, add some bacon and parm cheese and we've got dinner! they've started asking (at ages two and three) for broccoli and such to be added, i think because there's so much other flavor from the bacon and 'shrooms that it all blends in nicely.

he won't starve, he won't starve, he won't starve!!!

[Ceej]

Well, Alice, how's it going? As you can see we are all dying for a real update. Oh, and re: 'reader' above? The only thing my kids have ever begged for? Ramen Noodles. Nothing like a boatload of sodium to keep the kids afloat.

[Jennier]

My son is twelve and right now he is into Cheese Its. He rotates his special foods favs. The more I fight it the worse I make it. I add protien powder to his pancakes if and only if he never sees me doing it. I put emergency packets in sprite when he's sick. Iron is the hardest thing to do. We see a nutriionist and tried protien fortified juice. Nothing worked but we try. He lost weight fast when I denied him his favs. I don't do that anymore. Don't feel bad just hang in there!