In which I use the word "cool" entirely too much.
April 17, 2006It seems that we purchased a house today. Unfortunately I’ve changed my mind. I would like to stay in Brooklyn, please. Do you think the buyer of our apartment will let us stay? Maybe we can talk her into taking the New Jersey place.
My last-minute panic is based on nothing reasonable, except that where we live is cool, and where we will live, while probably cool in infinite ways, is not as cool. Period. We will never be this cool again. And we weren’t all that cool to begin with. You may think, reading this, that I have long placed my coolness in high esteem, but in fact I have never bothered much with the coolness. I didn’t have to, because I live here. Not that I even got much pleasure out of the cool things here. I can’t afford them, and even if I could, I’m too old. And I spend my time with a preschooler whose idea of fun is playing air accordion while blasting Led Zeppelin. Actually I don’t disagree with him. Even if I had never had a child I would probably be doing that. In my underwear, probably. And not the hot kind of underwear, oh no. I’m talking Jockey For Her Hipsters with sagging elastic because I still own panties that my mother purchased for me in 1985.
Oh my god, what am I talking about? Do you see what this has done to me? I am weak with panic. What the hell was I thinking? I’m going to have to drive places. And my god, I’ve just made my holiday shopping a million times more complicated. In Brooklyn we are steps away from so many damn clever shops that are so crammed with hip whimsy that it can give you a migraine if you take it all in at once. In New Jersey we will be steps away from a KFC, a Dunkin’ Donuts, and a CVS. And I don’t think my mom wants a six pack of Crispy Nuggets for her birthday. I could be wrong about this.
But a person cannot live in a neighborhood just because of the cute shops, right? Right? They can’t, right? Oh god, what have I done?
It’s not just the coolness and the cute shops and the friends who will never move to Jersey and I see them every week and what was I THINKING. Crap, it’s everything. I can’t believe we can’t afford to live here anymore. I’ve lived here for fifteen years. Almost every day, I walk out of our house and I run into someone I know and love. Or someone I know and don’t like very much. Either way. I can’t believe I’m moving to the suburbs. I think I might throw up. I know I need to get over myself. I do. And I’m sure I will. Maybe in a year or two.
Reader Comments (111)
I miss city life, too, Alice (feels funny to write that, 'cause it's my sister's name), but there are big pluses-- cleaner air, more room and quiet, a yard for growin' tomaters... good stuff. I hope you move in, stretch, look around and decide, THIS is the LIFE!
1. now Henry will be able to move away from the suburbs and establish his own coolness
2. you will be able to realize your inner coolness without all that external coolness distracting you from uh, you
3. you will have a backyard which combined with a sandbox, as I have recently discovered, is the secret to parenting sanity (my son was 2 1/2 before we moved to a house with a yard)
4. we moved to a less expensive part of town in order to get the kind of house we wanted - love the house - but the dodgy looking neighbour was a bit scary and guess what? The criminal element has got rid of the dodgy neighbour - yup, that's what I mean, he is no longer anyone's neighbour. Sorry, that's not helpful but it is a bit distracting - no?
I would say cheery words about moving, but I just moved away from a place I tried to learn to like for 4 years, so I am not good for that kind of advice. All I can say is: if you don't like it, you can always move again. No harm, no foul.
I agree with the deep breaths person. And disagree with la-d, who it seems is just being kind of a wench.
Full serve gasoline? Crazy drivers? The highest car insurance rates in the country? Even worse accents than good ole NYC? C'mon. What does Brooklyn have on that?
Ha. All joking aside (from a transplanted New Jersey-ite), I imagine the transition from your "home" - a place that is so ingrained in you that is a part of your identity to something new and something not yet "you" is difficult. I've done it many a time.
Home isn't necessarily where your heart is -but sometimes where your heart WAS. And, it's okay to leave a piece there - just so long as you take enough with you to start fresh.
Change sucks, eh?
No snarky comments, no words of wisdom. Just congratulations. You'll be fine.
You will be fine. Hip shops? Feh. That's what the internet is for.
I think if you had no fears about your move it would be much worse - too hard to live up to those expectations. For you though, being so nervous, you're bound to find things you love.
If it makes you feel better, I went to Carroll Gardens to visit my parents and they had replaced an iconic neighborhood pizzeria with a Dunkin Donuts.
your house is fabulous. YOU are fabulous, therefore, the burbs will adapt TO YOU.
so it is written, so it shall be done.
xo
And, if you're anything like me, there will come another depressing shock in a few months or a year when you realize [i]you like it there![/i] so all of your cool cred is totally gone :-)
All the best with the move.
PS - pbbbthh to belda. New Jersey is more than a bridge.
But yes, it's nice to live close enough to the city that you can go in for events and book signings and fun stuff.
And then come home to your peaceful place.
Like your own version of the Matrix with Costco and big hair!
exileliving there.It's cheaper. Houses are bigger. You can have a garden without having to sell your kidneys for the extra cash. It's more child-friendly. People are less likely to mug you. It's not as polluted.
I think the shift from suburbia to city and back again or the other way around is just part of life's processes and shifts we make to accomodate finances, couplehood, having a child.
Every life is good. You are right, the city is undeniably cooler than the suburbs. The city is hip and funky and full of people who know that honing their wits is the best way to survive in its edgy race. True, it is easier to have a social life with the cool people but the city absorbs your energy and drains it fast (or maybe that's just London) and you end up smog-choked and noise-polluted and tired.
And the burbs while full of people who make me want to kill my brain to put it out of its slow-dying dullness misery are also full of nice things. It is undeniably harder to socialise with people from the city, but you'll just have to make more effort to reconnect. And you'll have extra money. And your kid will have green spaces! With green on them!
Good luck, and all the best.
but after you put a new roof on the place, you'll really feel like you've made an investment and settle in.
But I could never go back to that hell. Never.
You'll adapt and then marvel at all the green [trees, plants, lawn] stuff surrounding you and, best of all, all the personal space [just for you] you are bound to find.
Also, however essentially uncool you may be, I assure you that you will bring an aura of coolness to the suburbs and will be considered one of the coolest people in your town, at least for a while.
it's making me so sick that i just typed "are" instead of "our."
and that's sick.
I so know where you're coming from. We moved to the CT burbs last summer after living in Manhattan for 13 years. It was for all of the usual reasons--we were priced out of our beloved city, we have 2 little boys and wanted better schools, more space, etc. But it was painful. So much of my identity was wrapped up in the fact that I was living in NYC, the greatest place on earth. It is cool and hip and lovely and horribly expensive but there's no other place like it. We had gotten married there and had our children there and built our careers there and had friends and roots and lives that we were closing a door on. I was so conflicted. But here's how it went: the first 4 months or so I was so busy unpacking and finding my way around and getting the kids settled that I didn't have much time to think about what I was missing. Once settled, I missed my girlfriends like crazy and began to resent not being able to walk out my door and find a cool cafe with great music where I could sit and people watch for hours. I wanted to call up my firends and meet them at the playground and kvetch while the kids, who had known one another since they were embryos, had a blast together. But then recently I realized that I haven't felt sad about it for a while. It snuck up on me that I like it here for lots of reasons, many of which have already been mentioned. Our careers (teaching) are the same, our kids are happy and yes, we too are finally buying a house. So we're putting down new roots. And I'm no longer the cool city girl. And I won't lie that this bums me out. But I'm ok with it. You will feel the way you feel and it will evolve as time goes on. You may not grow to love it and, if so, you can always go back. You are cool no matter where you go, lady. Your coolness will stand out even more at the local D&D, promise.