Introducing…

I am kind of unbearably excited to unveil the hitherto-unnamed project to which I’ve been referring for the last few weeks. So here we go:

Eden Marriott Kennedy and I are proud to announce our new website, LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES!

LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is meant to be a helpful and soothing companion during your child-bearing and –raising years. In this comprehensive and frighteningly detailed site, we answer such questions as, should I avoid cats? (Answer: more than you know.) Or how did this baby get in me? (Science has yet to find an answer to this mystery.) Or why does my baby’s head smell so good? (When no one’s looking, babies rub a special balm into their bald little heads: a patented blend of civet musk, tapioca powder, and holy water. )

So. If you want to be comforted by the knowledge that your newborn baby is not the only one who looks like Ernest Borgnine, or if you're wondering why a t-shirt is the most tasteful way to tell the world you're expecting, look no further!

Please note: LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is not just for people who are about to give birth, are currently giving birth, or have recently given birth. I have been told that the site is an important source of information even if you never intend to have a baby or, indeed, if you hate the very sight of them. So please, go there. Read. Continue to read, as we will be updating weekly. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we cracked ourselves up writing it.

[final update: after some server troubles, all is now well. The End.]

Comments

[Summer Saldana]

Love it!!! I can't wait to spread the word!

[della]

whew, pages loading slowly. you're too popular! looks like it will be worth the wait though - chuckling already

[bearing]

You rock. And to think I just announced my fourth pregnancy today.

[Anna]

This is seriously the first thing that made me consider procreation since I found out at age 11 that Prince William can't marry a Catholic!

[Kristen]

Argh! Where was that dingo number when I needed it? Funniest thing ever. Thanks!

[WendyPinNJ]

Alrighty. Just clicked over and I have to say: I LOVE YOU!

Exactly what I would have done if I were even remotely clever enough to have thought it up--YOU TOTALLY KNOW ME!

[Sheryl]

Your sponsors are welcome here! Thanks for the laugh, ladies... I needed it. Looking forward to following in the weeks to come.

[Kate]

HAHAHAHHAAAAAA I LOVE IT ALREADY!!

I'm trying to get pregnant for the first time, and your site *just* might be the catalyst my body needs to create a miracle. Or perhaps it will terrify my uterus into hiding? I'll wake up one day with fallopian tubes wearing a fake mustache and silly glasses. Well, I suppose that plus LPAB would be as entertaining as having a child to call my own, right? Maybe?

I LOVE YOU! The site is fantastical and you are totally my favorite.

[Demery]

I cannot convey how excited I am about this. Veryveryvery.

[Calamity Jill]

Congrats on the new project!

[AC Siapno]

Can you write a piece on "Lets Panic About Babies" regarding the panic about concieving or not being able to? Or how about the debate when to have your first?

And yes, I'm panicing about both... how did you guess???

[Alice]

My office mate believes I'm clinically insane because I just tried to stifle a major laugh and wound up sounding like Charles Nelson Reilly. Jolly well done!

[momtrolfreak]

Alice: HYSTERICAL. I love love love it. Especially your sponsor: "Babies: One is PLENTY." BWahahahah!!!

[Anonymous New York]

Oh holy hell. There goes my afternoon. Tiny overlords? And the panic button with the swaddled baby (is that the Miracle blanket or a knock off? Do you endorse the swaddle?) is just fucking priceless. Bravo.

[Jan]

I was doing fine, reading along on LPAB, grinning but quiet, being at work and all. Then, however, I got to the list of euphemisms for being pregnant, and the last one got me: "Human turducken (if the fetus has a parasitic twin)".

I don't have kids and won't have kids (barring a medical miracle that might also qualify for a possible new religion) but, when you want to make me laugh, you can sure do it!

Congratulations on the new site -- I'll be reading.

[Metalia]

Even if those damn babies hadn't already robbed me of my continence (it's a word? Yes?), I'd likely have wet myself reading the site. Well played, ladies.

[Rachael]

Just took a glance and it looks great! Can't wait to explore it more.

[Susan]

This is exactly the kind of thing I would write, if I were as clever and funny as you.

[lindswing]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: you are perhaps the funniest person on the planet.

[Jill]

Oh. My God. I am crying with laughter.

[Nicole]

So very awesome! Thanks for the much needed laugh.

[Caroline]

It is perfect. I'm burning my copy of "What to Expect the First Year" this very moment, and will instead heed the advice at Let's Panic! My baby girl will thank me when she's 57 and graduating from therapy--I'm sure of it. :)

[Laura]

It's about time. Where has this site BEEN all my life?!?

[Amber Lynae]

Funny stuff.

[Laura]

OMG, I LOVE the 1800Dingoes. You are hi-larious.