It turns out I'm a zombie, probably
August 25, 2011I went to the doctor for my insomnia/back pain/headache because Scott insisted, even though I was pretty sure she wouldn't be impressed and would have nothing to say to me. And wouldn't you know it, I was right. ME. RIGHT AGAIN. I switched a few months ago from the insane grubby doctor who thought my name was "Alice Bundles" to a fancy doctor group wherein you can get spring water in the waiting room and make online appointments and get your blood taken whenever you feel like it. The service may be better, but no one's heart seems to be in it. The two doctors I've seen there are thorough, but detached. I need some hugs or maybe just concerned looks! Stop cleaning your beautiful offices and learn to love again!
This doctor I saw the other day was a new one to me, a (very clean) little wisp of a thing, just adorable, and she did a neurological test and saw that I was normal-ish and she basically said "meh" and I was like WHAT ARE YOU THE INTERNET and she concluded, "I guess I could give you Ambien?" Just like that. With a question mark. Ambien? I could give it to you? If you want it? Hmmmmrgh? I am terrified of such medication, however, especially since my Trazodone experience--
WAIT, did I tell about when I took Trazodone? I see by my archives that I did not! My psychiatrist prescribed this medication to help me sleep. He said, AND I QUOTE, "It's very benign. Some people feel a slight hangover the next morning, but it quickly passes. Very, very benign." Then he said "benign" a hundred more times until I was lulled into agreeing to take it. I took it ONE TIME and I woke up the next morning feeling as if I had been on the bender to end all benders. And I had not been. My head throbbed and ice-picked and did everything that heads should not do. I couldn't bear light, or movement. OH, and I had an interview with PBS that day. In the morning. In my home. So although I was in agony and nauseated beyond all belief, I had to clean my place. Do you know what it's like trying to vacuum when you have a migraine? I hope you never do. And then the pain did not fully go away, despite all the pain relievers in the world, until the day after that. I am not so happy with my psychiatrist, after that little episode. ANYWAY, back to my doctor story--
--and anyway you know I'd sleep-blog if I were on Ambien. I'd sleep-blog while eating through my pantry and scaring the cat. I asked her about melatonin, and she shrugged. She shrugged at melatonin! Even though you guys said it's awesome! Then she said it's used for jet lag mostly and she said this while she was typing into her computer, and I'm fairly certain she was on Web M.D. Maybe she wasn't a doctor at all? I should have asked to see her credentials.
The only time she seemed to really pay attention was when she couldn't feel my pulse. She was moving her tiny little doll-fingers all around my wrists for about a minute, and let me tell you, that got her attention, and it felt good. I suppressed my pulse some more, just for the hell of it. Have I not mentioned that I can stop my pulse at will? The surprises keep on coming, with me.
I got out of there pretty quickly once I could see that she was unconcerned nor did she particularly feel like talking to me. Oh well. At least it was covered by insurance? Question mark?
So since then, maybe it's my righteous anger at the doctor, but I seem to be feeling better. I've learned that I need to avoid wine, especially after dinner. For some kooky reason, even a small amount of wine at night will make me anxious. It revs me up! What can I say? A large amount of wine, by the way, will make me nauseated and anxious. Also, I often lose my pants. I've also figured out that Benadryl helps. I can relax enough that I don't freak out if I can't fall asleep right away. It didn't stop me from waking up before dawn this morning, sadly. But I guess you can't have everything? Question mark?
I know that many of you have touted the benefits of acupuncture, and I'm going to look into it. Remind me to tell you about the first time I went to an acupuncturist, though. And then you'll see why I've hesitated to return for so many years.
Reader Comments (57)
Ok, so I know you have received millions of comments of advice and you are probably sick of it and I am way behind on my reader for loads of crazy reasons BUT....
did you look into the endocronologist thing? Because turns out my whole endocrine system just STOPPED working after I had a kid. (I had no idea such a thing could happen. Go figure). Anyway. In addition to hormone therapy (not the kind that gives you cancer...I had a lot of people freak out about that) I use bio-identical hormone therapy and let me tell you that progesterone cream is awesome. Better than any anti-depressant or sleep aid. I also get my hormone levels checked (testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, my adrenal functioning...etc.). Turns out if your hormones are not functioining properly, you do not make enough seratonin, which helps you feel sane and sleep. So my doc "prescribed" 5htp. It's basically an amino acid like the stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy. You get it at the health food store. I take 100mg 3 times a day and 300 mg at night. I sleep like a baby.
Sorry for the unsolicited advice but, I think I would have slapped that doctor. Not really, but I would have wanted to.
Sorry for all the spelling errors. I am acutally quite literate. I was in a car accident yesterday and all hopped up on pain killers after being in the ER for most of the night. Why am I blogging? I have no idea...
Best,
Tina
If you do try acupuncture, which I started to ease the transition when I stopped taking Zoloft, I recommend Element in Carroll Gardens - they're on Henry at Union. I've been to Christina, Jeff, and Rebecca and I really like all of them.
Okay, sorry- Unsolicited Advice. (That's what I say to my husband before I'm going to give him unsolicited advice, because I think it prepares him and it helps my case.)
Rhodiola Rosea. It's an herb. It helps with sleep and it's an adaptogen, so it helps with anxiety and stress, it's amazing, it's like a miracle. The Russian army used to take it, I think (I am not kidding.) You can find it at any health food store or in bulk at Ameriherb.com and seriously, you'll sleep like a baby (it's not a sleep drug, you can take it during the day, it just somehow magically helps you sleep and night and takes care of all your other problems, too.)
Sorry for the novel.
I'm a life-long insomniac, migraine sufferer. for the sleep, the best remedy for me has been a valerian root combined with a benadryl. for the headaches, nothing really helps, though when I figured out I was celiac and went gluten free, my headache frequency cut in half. not that you have celiac, but I do think diet changes can cause or reduce migraines. :)
What is it with doctors and not caring? Isn't that supposed to be, like, their specialty?
If benedryl is working, it means that you have now become ALLERGIC to sleeping! And yes! That can happen! It's a real thing I didn't just make up! I think your doctor HAD to say Ambien with a question mark because seriously, do you know the kind of freak out you'd have if she tried to explain a sleep allergy! DO YOU!?!!
It was a test! Can she handle the word Ambien? Question mark? No? Then she cannot handle the truth!
Of course, my loathing for doctors all began, yes now this is turning into a blog post rather then a comment... When my children stopped breathing at home. Repeatedly. Ad nauseum. I think we've been to the emergency room at least 7 times between the three of them because you know, they were blue, and couldn't breathe. One got admitted! HA! Take that!
The other times they were like, "um, ma'am, we know that you're really concerned about this supposed 'blueness' that your child may or may not have had at some point today, and in a total reaction to your hysteria, we will take a chest x-ray at your total insistance.....(1 hour later) You know! It's only pneumonia in both lungs and bronchitis in your three month old baby, it's not like you needed to run her in here like that screaming "My baby my baby!" We're just gonna put her on IV antibiotics and then you can take her home......."
More advice that you didn't ask for. I am a chronic sleepwalker. I fall down the stairs and walk out of the house. And I do things. I go to the basement and shut down the breakers, and re-arrnage the kitchen cabinets, I do all kinds of crazy crap instead of actually sleeping.
My husband used to set up this elaborate trap made of teetering chair and bells to keep me in our bedroom. Then, a combo of hypnosis and camomile has put and end to all of it. But the camomile tea is not strong enough, I need to have the tincture in a little water. Not to mention the fact that I love the word tincture and I never had the occasion to use it. Now, nightly, I announce that I am going to have my tincture, and that alone makes me happier. Oh and I sleep and don't cause any damage to myself our our home.
Maybe you could be helped by a hypnotist and some nice tincture?
I have come to the conclusion that you and I are essentially the same person, addled by anxiety and pain and stomach blurgen (totally a word). I will be following your medical adventures closely, so that I may go to my (also non-caring) doctor and demand treatment. Ok, so maybe not demand. Ask hopefully? In a voice too quiet for her to hear? So that she can ignore me and I can continue with my righteous indignation of doctors and the health system in general.
Bah! Try the melatonin. I take two 3mg tablets and maybe it is a placebo effect but I swear it helps and no morning after issues.
Interesting. Keep me posted. I struggle with insomnia periodically. And have been for the last 3 months because of some adverse life events. If my mind is in a GOOD place when I go to bed, I take a melatonin. If it's in a MEDIUM place, I take a melatonin and 2 benadryl. If my mind is in a BAD place, I take an Ambien.
So I'm reading this with great interest. I have a caring doctor who does give me those "I'm concerned" looks. I do appreciate the concern, but it tends to turn me into a messy pool of tears. Then I am thrust into a shame spiral... and so on and so forth....boy I sound pathetic. I don't consider myself a "pill-popper" but after reading these comments, maybe I should be more careful. Or maybe there's something wrong with me in general. Who knows....
Alice, just a quick tip to try to find someone who speaks Chinese and was trained in China. I went to an American trained acupuncturist and then switched to a Chinese trained medical doctor/acupuncturist and it made a world of difference for my (non-sleep) issues! Definitely give it a shot. Btw, I also swear by melatonin.
Ugh, I was prescribed Trazedone for insomnia several years ago and the doctor told me it had originally been used as an antidepressant. I guess if you're asleep you're not feeling sad?
I used it a few times, but the effects were so unpredictable. Sometimes it did nothing and other times I could barely walk within five minutes of taking the pill. I never had headaches with it, though. I found the bottle the other day (long expired) and was glad to toss it.
I just wanted to tell you about my most-recent melatonin experience ... I took it, and the next day I could not stop crying. I was in the deepest darkest hole I have ever been in, and the world felt like it was ending. It was the strangest thing that's ever happened to me. All I could do was cry and stare at the wall, and cry some more. My poor husband had no idea what to do ... by about 3PM, I was fine again. Back to my normal self, and the world wasn't ending. I think it took that long for the melatonin to work it's way out of my system. I then posted on Facebook about it, and found out that many other people I know had experiences with the same sort of depression after taking melatonin. I know you battle with brain chemistry things, so if I were you, I would stay away from melatonin.
These days I do benadryl ... Nyquil, Tylenol PM and all of those give me anxiety dreams and I sleep worse. Benadryl just helps me sleep. But I have never had prolonged insomnia ...
I bet your problem with wine is the sulfites, does the exact same thing to me. Booo!
For years, I took Tylenol PM to help me sleep, but I was worried, now that I am 40, about the long term effects of taking Tylenol. Also, Tylenol gets in the way of my drinking. My doctor told me to take Benedryl. He said that Tylenol PM is actually Tylenol + Benedryl, so if I needed to take it for the sleep, the Benedryl was fine, and non-habit forming. Been taking it ever since with much success. Melatonin and Valerian Root are total placebos to me. I need real, manmade drugs, man!
Be careful of the melatonin! Too much can give you short term memory loss....or maybe my age gives me short term memory loss. Someone told me about this but I forgot who it was! ha! There I go again!
Oh, and the other lovely thing about Benedryl? The generic form is CHEEEEEAP. Like $2 for 60 pills cheap. At the Walmarts.
Oh my gosh Alice, you crack me up. Don't you just love that? That we laugh (with you) at the pain you go through?
But it's all in love.
Now let me begin with my wisdom:
1. I started my blog on Ambien, and now the French hate me for it. So be careful.
(http://www.lemusingsofmoi.com/2011/08/i-dont-speak-french-my-blog-title.html)
2. I recently went to a biocytonic appt (dr. hugh smith) which was all KINDS of amazing, and within 5 seconds of looking at my blood cells, he said..."oh, summer! what you must be feeling..." and I almost cried because it was like he was looking into my soul. HE KNEW! And then 3 days later on the supplements he prescribed, I was almost a new person....though i have months of recovery to go. I must also mention, he gives out his CELL PHONE number and wants you to call or text ANYTIME with ANY questions. Basically, rather than treating the symptoms, he looks for what is CAUSING them and treats that.
3. Melatonin works. Get the ones at Costco. Little amazeballs I tell ya.
4. Okay, no number 4....you've heard enough. Plus, you have WebMd...what do you need me for? ;-)
Oh! I LOVE Benadryl! Can't sleep with out it! I have noticed though, that it can affect my mood the next day. And not in a good way:(
And OH! You make me laugh! Thank you!
That doctor is just a bit off. Sadly I think they just get in the mode of 'let's offer them something and get them out the door' and not really think if it's the right drug for you. Or if you even should be prescribed something.
You mentioned acupuncture, I've had great success with it so I'll jump on the bandwagon with the others that suggested it. Good luck!
Benedryl is my choice. I've heard melatonin and also valerian root are good herbal remedies. And I've had acupuncture a few times (for a different ailment) and it made me so sleepy right there in the chair! So maybe that will work.....
Melatonin changed my life. *Changed my life,* I tell you. And I first heard about it from my sister-in-law, who is taking quite the cocktail of anti-depressants and anti-anxieties herself. For both of us, melatonin not only helped with sleep, but even helped with the depression.
On the other hand, I also have a cousin for whom melatonin worsens her depression. So clearly it isn't a guarantee. But it could be worth a try. Right? Question mark?
Gah! Thought about your insomnia post this morning at 1:45 am when I'd been awake for TWO HOURS by myself, basically wishing that 1. my husband would stop snoring, 2. that the baby would wake up so at least there would be a REASON for me to be goddamn awake, and Pi. stressing about the paper that I am writing that is due tomorrow. I don't know how you writers do it. I am out of my element, writing a chapter for a book that is so far outside my expertise that I wonder why I was asked to do it, using Word, which I've not used since college, using something cuh-razy called "chicago style" about which I know nothing. And I'm up for two hours in the middle of the night? What? So I'm doing this on no sleep.
If I knew you in person and knew you had some ambien, I'd totally ask you for som.
DOXEPIN!! (I've mentioned this to you several times before, and you may have already considered it and decided against it for some reason, in which case my repeatedly shouting at you about it might be getting annoying. If so, I'm sorry. But it really does the trick. It's an antidepressant - an older one that a lot of doctors have either forgotten about or don't know about - with a mild sedative and it gets me through the night - every night - for years now. Without it, I am a complete insomniac NUTBALL.)
Alice, all the comments so far seem heartfelt and full of merit. I wonder if you are still exercising? I remember you were going to the gym. Exercise had a positive effect on sleeping for me. (I wasn't doing a lot of highly directive stuff--just doing 30 minutes on an elliptical or bike.) I also somehow got to the point where I was able to stop worrying about not sleeping. I just said "well 4 hours is better than none" and somehow seemed to make it through another day.