It's quiz time!

Guess which items I let my son play with this morning

a) an unplugged hair dryer

b) a plugged-in clock/radio

c) Charlie the dog’s gums

d) the contents of the upended bathroom wastebasket (tissue paper, floss)

e) container that once contained yogurt, and, all right, still does, in that Henry didn’t want to finish it, but is now feeding it to the dog, and kind of licking it himself, or at least pretending to

f) a steaming bucket of urine.

If you guessed everything but “f,” you’re correct, and as reward, you may judge me… now. No, wait. Okay, now.

Guess what I was doing while Henry was playing with the above items

a) sort of keeping one eye on him, but really reading a magazine

b) eating a waffle over the sink, real quick-like, before he saw me and decided that he deserved it more than I do

c) repeatedly asking him if it was time for his nap yet

d) Downing the bottle of scotch we keep around for when the grandparents visit (the grandparents enjoy the hooch, I’m sure they don’t mind me telling you) while making prank phone calls to ex-boyfriends.

If you guessed everything but “e,” well, I hope you’re right. Frankly, the morning is a bit of a blur for me.

Ha, ha!

Ha!

(...ha?)

Comments

[Mrs. Kennedy]

My morning has kind of been like that, except Jackson was playing with the plug to a fan and an electric outlet. It's all part of my "He'll Only Have To Do It Once" method.

[Julia S]

Let's see...

Two days ago young Patrick was eating cat food. While I nodded with interest and took copious notes during Mrs. Kennedy's "He'll Only Have to Do It Once" parenting lecture, I am afraid I must have missed crux of the method for he is now mixing the cat food with bug parts and downing both like they're mommmy's special aspirin. Please send transcript, check enclosed.

I'll just help you with that Scotch as I am waiting.

[Patricia]

Now, this is a mommy I can relate to. Oops,better run. I can hear my Little Missy is in the dog food/water..........(once again)..

[Summer]

Yesterday, my son cheerfully crawled over to my computer desk carrying the damp washcloth with which I'd just wiped his slightly-poopy butt. Silly me, I'd left it atop his wet-cloth-diaper holding apparatus rather than bothering to unscrew the lid and stash it away. I think -- though luckily he doesn't speak well enough yet for me to ask him -- that he may have chewed on the washcloth a bit before bringing it to me. And guess what? That washcloth is still sitting on my desk, on top of the plastic bag that contained my lunch leftovers that I was compelled to eat about 10 minutes after coming home from the restaurant.

If you need any further convincing that I am a bad, bad mother, consider the shocking fact that my son is 14 months old and I have yet to have professional portraits taken of him. Call CPS now!

[getupgrrl]

But there is no "e."

(insert blank stare here)

Got any of that hooch left?

[Alice]

See? Exactly my point.

[ada]

holy crap! e-x-a-c-t-l-y

... and what does it mean when you are glued to Blue's Clues until you suddenly hear your 1 and 1/2 year old turn on your vibrator?

Hell, he had fun with it for a good half hour - that must be a record. They should market it somehow...

[cat]

Came across your site today, linked here from Laid Off Dad.

Funny funny stuff.

I'll be coming back.

[offllr offllr]

So fun article is! I know more from it. hpvxci hpvxci - Red Wing Shoes.