Let's get physical.
October 27, 2005I’m beginning to think Henry’s preschool teacher doesn’t like him.
I know what you’re thinking. “Someone not like Henry? Impossible! I will hurry to her classroom and beat some sense into her!” And so I am glad I never told you which school he goes to, because I’m beginning to think you’re a little nuts. That said, I am also puzzled as to how someone could not like Henry. Yes, he can be… challenging. He knows what he wants, and he’s not easily swayed. Sometimes his motives are baffling; there’s a lot more going on in his head than he lets on. Also, he can be shy in group situations. I can imagine that when you’re faced with eleven children clamoring for your attention, the enigma in the corner might not be your favorite.
But my God, woman! Have you seen his cheeks? Have you ever looked into those blue eyes of his? Have you no soul?
He got through his transition into the World of Preschool with flying colors. But then, about a week later, whenever I arrived to pick him up, the teacher would greet me with this preschool-teacher frowny face that made me want to kick her. When I asked her what was wrong, I invariably got such comments as:
“Henry was a little sad today.”
“Henry was low-energy.”
“Henry didn’t want his snack.”
“Henry was low-energy, and sad.”
“Henry was a little…quiet today.” Frowny face. “I think he was tired. And he wouldn’t eat.”
You have to imagine all of this conveyed in this high, babyish, mock-sad voice. I’m not sure why she does that. Because oh, the urge to kick.
Anyway. So, okay. My child is apparently sad! And tired! That’s not her fault, is it? That doesn’t mean she hates him? Although when he gets home, he’s whirling about the apartment like they gave him crack! Except, whoops, that couldn’t have happened, because according to his teacher he’s a certified snack-hater.
I didn’t think too much of this the two teacher’s assistants came up to me after class, and told me what a delight he is. “He sings the Star Wars theme all day! He’s so cuddly and affectionate and funny!” “Yes, yes,” I panted, “Give me more.” They handed me a list of various things he had said throughout the day. Apparently he spent the day shouting, “Surrender, Earthlings!” They found this hilarious. Because they’re human.
Then the teacher walked by, and I said, “He had a good day, huh?”
Frowny face. “Well…” she sighed. “It was hot in the room. Everyone was a little low-energy. It wasn’t just him.”
After that I just avoided her at the end of the day. But I couldn’t help but notice, when I dropped him off, that her behavior toward him was a little… chilly. I wouldn’t say she was cold, but there was a definite nip in the air. One morning, he was unhappy, and I didn’t want to leave until I got him settled in. The teacher headed for him. I waited for her to join him, and instead she gave him a tight smile, and then turned and sat down with two other children, who were already playing with one of the assistants.
And at the last pick-up, she approached me. “Henry was very physical today. We had a physical day,” she said. Oh, I thought, she’s telling me there was a lot of running and jumping and playing? So I should put him down for a long nap?
“Yes,” she said, “there was a lot of pushing and shoving and bossing around the other kids.” “HENRY? WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HAD A PHYSICAL DAY, DIDN’T YOU? REMEMBER, WITH THE PUSHING AND THE SHOVING? AND WE DON’T DO THAT AT SCHOOL.”
On the way out, I said to him, “So you were pushing other kids?”
“I had to,” he said. “She told me not to yell.”
His logic is impeccable. What choice did the boy have?
Of course, on the one hand, I’m glad to know he was “physical,” and I don’t fault her for sharing a concern, blah blah blah, but on the other hand, would it kill her to once share something positive with me? One thing? Would the turning of the frown into the upside-down position cause her pain?
Reader Comments (103)
I share your urge to kick, although I probably just need a snack.
Also, she's a teacher and she doesn't realize that "he was low-energy" is not really gramatically correct?
But really I turned out fine. *twitch*
I suggest you spit in her soup.
But if that proves impractical, at least talk to some of the other moms to find out what their take on her is. If others have found her to be overwhelmingly negative or the type to play favourites, maybe she can be given the boot and one of those nice assistants could be given her job.
Sigh. Why oh why do some people think they should get jobs that involve working with children when CLEARLY they HATE them?
Anyway, good luck with that!
It sounds like Henry's style - which is a very reasonable little boy style - isn't a great match with this woman. Is there another classroom that he could test out? Or, is there another primary adult in the room that he could be assigned to?
When I taught, there were some children that I frankly didn't adore as much as others. Often, those were the kids that my co-teacher loved. ( I was sucka for the bad ass boys - Henry sounds like my type o kid!)
If all esle fails - call a conference (with teacher AND Director) and talk about your feelings - and Henry's. It may be that this chick has some bug up her ass and needs to realize that it is affecting her performance.
And all little kids are physical and loud and messy. I used to say to parents "If your child is clean and high energy at the end of the day , then I haven't done my job!"
How dare she.
Sometimes, it works wonders to do this. Sometimes, the teacher just doesn't realize she's favoring some over others and creating the very environment which fosters the very thing she doesn't want. (Sometimes, they're just a pain in the ass, and putting them on notice in front of the principal can work well.) It also works to look like you're trying to work with the teacher, so that if things don't improve, you've got grounds for further discussion or help from the principal.
(My youngest ended up having a teacher who, I kid you not, called him 'stupid' in front of his classmates. I didn't find out about this until one of the other students finally told his mom, who told me. A half-a-freaking-year had gone by at that point -- this was fourth grade. It so debilitated my son's self-esteem, it followed him through high school. That teacher, luckily, was fired when the principal -- alerted by me -- eavesdropped on the class. But the firing was too late to help, really. I wish I would have acted sooner on my gut instincts instead of later. I kept sensing something was wrong there, but didn't really see anything overt. I'd still like to kick that teacher, and my son's now 19.)
Next time she faux-pouts at you with thinly concealed negativity, you should just come right out and ASK her nicely to tell you something positive. You know, like, "What was your best moment with Henry today?" or some such. It'll blow her mind, and more importantly, if she's at all a decent teacher, she should realize that her attitude is completely apparent to you, and she needs to get a grip. This way, you get what you want without putting her on the defensive (as calling a conference might, at this point), and potentially making her even weirder towards Henry.
When this happened to me, and I called a conference, suddenly the teacher was so exAGGeratedly nice to my son, that it freaked him out, and came across, frankly, as forced and insulting. It's best to start slowly with these things. Making your concerns known whilst seeming non-confrontational about it is a decent way to start. Then you can move forward or not, you know, with the kicking, based on her reaction to getting a little perfectly-innocent-seeming heads up that her negativity is showing.
Anyway, listen to your instincts on the matter. If this isn't the right place for him, there is one out there that is. He deserves it!
She probably can't even remember what turned her away from him, but has it set in her mind to not like him from now on. She needs to get over it, and I think having a sit down like Toni suggested would help things (well, either that or she'll really hate him... hmm...).
Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out. Even if you do just give her a swift kick in the shin.
I vote for you to kick her though.
And the next time you pick him up, I would pointedly ask the teacher (after she shares about what an aggressive, maudlin sloth he is) to share something good about Henry's behavior/play/experience that day.
No advice, just sharing your bewilderment.
Surrender Earthlings! If I was teaching a kid who said that, I'd be in love.
W