Let's get physical.
October 27, 2005I’m beginning to think Henry’s preschool teacher doesn’t like him.
I know what you’re thinking. “Someone not like Henry? Impossible! I will hurry to her classroom and beat some sense into her!” And so I am glad I never told you which school he goes to, because I’m beginning to think you’re a little nuts. That said, I am also puzzled as to how someone could not like Henry. Yes, he can be… challenging. He knows what he wants, and he’s not easily swayed. Sometimes his motives are baffling; there’s a lot more going on in his head than he lets on. Also, he can be shy in group situations. I can imagine that when you’re faced with eleven children clamoring for your attention, the enigma in the corner might not be your favorite.
But my God, woman! Have you seen his cheeks? Have you ever looked into those blue eyes of his? Have you no soul?
He got through his transition into the World of Preschool with flying colors. But then, about a week later, whenever I arrived to pick him up, the teacher would greet me with this preschool-teacher frowny face that made me want to kick her. When I asked her what was wrong, I invariably got such comments as:
“Henry was a little sad today.”
“Henry was low-energy.”
“Henry didn’t want his snack.”
“Henry was low-energy, and sad.”
“Henry was a little…quiet today.” Frowny face. “I think he was tired. And he wouldn’t eat.”
You have to imagine all of this conveyed in this high, babyish, mock-sad voice. I’m not sure why she does that. Because oh, the urge to kick.
Anyway. So, okay. My child is apparently sad! And tired! That’s not her fault, is it? That doesn’t mean she hates him? Although when he gets home, he’s whirling about the apartment like they gave him crack! Except, whoops, that couldn’t have happened, because according to his teacher he’s a certified snack-hater.
I didn’t think too much of this the two teacher’s assistants came up to me after class, and told me what a delight he is. “He sings the Star Wars theme all day! He’s so cuddly and affectionate and funny!” “Yes, yes,” I panted, “Give me more.” They handed me a list of various things he had said throughout the day. Apparently he spent the day shouting, “Surrender, Earthlings!” They found this hilarious. Because they’re human.
Then the teacher walked by, and I said, “He had a good day, huh?”
Frowny face. “Well…” she sighed. “It was hot in the room. Everyone was a little low-energy. It wasn’t just him.”
After that I just avoided her at the end of the day. But I couldn’t help but notice, when I dropped him off, that her behavior toward him was a little… chilly. I wouldn’t say she was cold, but there was a definite nip in the air. One morning, he was unhappy, and I didn’t want to leave until I got him settled in. The teacher headed for him. I waited for her to join him, and instead she gave him a tight smile, and then turned and sat down with two other children, who were already playing with one of the assistants.
And at the last pick-up, she approached me. “Henry was very physical today. We had a physical day,” she said. Oh, I thought, she’s telling me there was a lot of running and jumping and playing? So I should put him down for a long nap?
“Yes,” she said, “there was a lot of pushing and shoving and bossing around the other kids.” “HENRY? WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HAD A PHYSICAL DAY, DIDN’T YOU? REMEMBER, WITH THE PUSHING AND THE SHOVING? AND WE DON’T DO THAT AT SCHOOL.”
On the way out, I said to him, “So you were pushing other kids?”
“I had to,” he said. “She told me not to yell.”
His logic is impeccable. What choice did the boy have?
Of course, on the one hand, I’m glad to know he was “physical,” and I don’t fault her for sharing a concern, blah blah blah, but on the other hand, would it kill her to once share something positive with me? One thing? Would the turning of the frown into the upside-down position cause her pain?
Reader Comments (103)
Our junior kindergarten teacher just did not LIKE my daughter. I tried these things and got no result from them, but they totally made ME feel better!! :) And this year's teacher loves her, so eventually it will go away.
Thankfully, his teacher is very nice and understanding about it. I don't know what I'd do if she weren't. That would bother me tremendously. I think you should definitely bring it up somehow.
Good luck.
I'm in my Bachelor of Education program right now, to become (first choice!) a kindergarten teacher, and I'm wondering how I am going to deal with boys, since most of my experience has been with girls. Now I have part of an answer...NOT LIKE THIS WOMAN. I start the first part of my practicum next Tuesday in either a K/1 or grade 1 class *glee!!* and I'll be thinking about Henry when I see those low energy or physical boys. :)
And that is so cute what he said...I crave to be the teacher that all the students love.
I have worked in a daycare/preschool as a cook. I can tell you from watching teachers all day...
RUN NOW! Go to the director... Ask if you can observe without the teacher's knowledge.. Talk to the assistants without Frowny Face around and promise you won't tell her and then find out what is REALLY going on in that class... I can tell you that alot of times you are getting the BEST version of a teacher when you see them... If she is acting like this with you around??? I would be concerned.... TALK TO THE ASSISTANTS... Tell them your concerns.. I can almost guarantee that they will tell you stuff if prodded...
Go with your gut instincts... If you are having icky feelings there is a reason...
Good luck!
My oldest son's preschool teacher was obsessed with the fact that he sucked his thumb. She never stopped mentioning it, even when he was three years gone and my second son was in her class. Yeah, the kid sucked his thumb when he was 4 but he was a farging genius, did you notice THAT? I guess not. It made me insane then but now it doesn't bother me one whit now (oh yeah? Then why are you mentioning it? HM? Still laying awake at night thinking about it, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?). Come to think of it, his kindergarten teacher didn't get him either - she liked the rough-and-tumble boys and he's more of a quiet (read: genius) thinker. She kept saying he was "so sweet" with obvious disdain. But she's long gone now too. And I realize she was pretty good compared to the about-to-retire-couldn't-give-a-stuff-give-me-my-paycheck kindergarten teacher my younger son has now. Better to learn early to deal with those who don't get you. There will be plenty.
I have done a lot of child care (and am doing it now) and taken a lot of classes and have a lot of sympathy for people who teach but I also see the parents' side. I was often struck in my early childhood education classes by how the parent was portrayed as the enemy and would speak up to make the caregivers see how they sounded to a parent (and most of them were parents, albeit with older kids). It's a lot harder than it looks to deal with so many kids and so many parents and make everyone happy and not let your biases show. It's much harder to love children who aren't yours. No one can know what it's like until they do it. And some are definitely better at it than others.
so i agree with someone's comment above: always ask her about what fun and exciting thing henry did that day. if she can't think of anything, talk to the director. there is ALWAYS something fun and exciting that a three year old is doing.
good luck!
if the teacher keeps talking to henry like he just popped out from between your legs (and if that cutesy-wootsey baby talk bugs you as much as it bugs me) say something to the effect of "henry understands when you talk to him like a normal person." ugh. i hate the squeaky voice.
I didn't drive a minivan. I didn't wear holiday-themed sweatshirts. I talked about current events and politics (not for long, the effort was always met with vacant stares from the other moms). Then they would politely move away from me and immerse themselves in a discussion about how to use pipe cleaners and cotton balls to make the "cutest birtday party favors EVER!"
Every time I had to bake, I effed up the cookie shapes.
Hence, whenever there was a parent event, I was relegated to sit alone in my cowboy boots and black sweater and grin like a drunken idiot at my sparkling, wonderful daughter.
And she would look back at me like I was the most incredible she-hero of all time, effed up cookie shapes and all.
I didn't drive a minivan. I didn't wear holiday-themed sweatshirts. I talked about current events and politics (not for long, the effort was always met with vacant stares from the other moms). Then they would politely move away from me and immerse themselves in a discussion about how to use pipe cleaners and cotton balls to make the "cutest birtday party favors EVER!"
Every time I had to bake, I effed up the cookie shapes.
Hence, whenever there was a parent event, I was relegated to sit alone in my cowboy boots and black sweater and grin like a drunken idiot at my sparkling, wonderful daughter.
And she would look back at me like I was the most incredible she-hero of all time, effed up cookie shapes and all.
Our precious Henry is the star of the class, I am sure. She needs a nap. Or career in the food service industry.
Otherwise, I love the idea someone had of asking her what his good moments were that day. I think it makes the point without being confrontational. Of course, if you like confrotation, then my favorite idea is a swift boot in the arse.
One thing we've done with the little angel's class is to form a SECRET E-MAIL DISTRIBUTION LIST with the other parents. That way you can figure out if the teachers are treating your kids differently than they treat the others. Oh, and you can plan birthday parties for the nice ones. And stuff like that. Not that you'd ever single anyone out.
Of course as a little girl I kept asking my teenage male cousin to marry me, too. In my defense, he was pretty darn cute.
I say, do what you must to advocate for your kid. I won't go into the long sad story (that did finally have a happy ending) but these evil women can do damage.
You got some good advice in the previous postings as to how.
Hug Henry for me.
If the other teachers in the room are positive and he seems to like the class, I woudn't go to the director just yet, not that you said you would do that. Unless you discover that she is having a detrimental effect on Henry, I would try to work with this annoying teacher first, especially if he is telling you that he is enjoying himself in the classroom.
If she doesn't catch on in a couple of weeks that you want to hear postive things about him, then go to the director and tell her that you are concerned b/c one of the teachers only tells you negative things about him but he tells you he's having a good time and the other teachers tell you he is having fun.
Seeing how the director responds to your expression of concern for your son will give you a good idea of whether or not this is the right place for your son. Good luck. I feel for you, but am glad the boy is happy!
I really like what grudge girl suggested. Asking the teacher pointedly what he did do that was good should get her on her toes, in a very gentle and effective way. Of course, it may not, and if it doesn't, I think you should write her a note that says, "I get the sense that Henry rubs you the wrong way a little bit. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've gotten that impression. Maybe you could think about this a little bit and the way that you approach him during the day." A note won't put her on the spot and she can read in privacy and think about it and resolve to do what's right. It might embarrass the hell out of her, but I bet you'd see a change for the better.
I also agree with Lulu, that if Henry is enjoying himself and not picking up on this stuff, that would be the best news.
A lot of people are suggesting meeting with the director & teacher ... I don't know. I would call a co-conference with the principal only after all else has failed. Doing so before you communicate with the teacher directly and give her a chance to reevaluate her shitty attitude might backfire. Going over her head with no warning would be less of a constructive move toward solving this and more of a way to punish her. Even if she's being negative to your sweet son and deserves a kick in the rear, I don't think it will contribute to a healthy solution to shame her like that, unless she refuses to improve after the two of you have tried to work it out. I never like to go over someone's head w/o giving them a chance to vindicate themselves.
I know, you didn't mention anything like this -- I guess I'm responding at this point to other commenters, rather than your original post.