Let's talk Grandmas! Okay!

All of this talk of elderly females got me thinking about grandmas.

I had two, which I believe is considered the norm. They are dead now.

My siblings and I used our grandparents' last names, so they were Grandma Mariano and Grandma Bradley. It still sounds weird to me when people call their grandparents by their first names, or even weirder, use some adorable made-up moniker, like Pop-ola or Grummsy. As if grandparents are figures of affection and warmth, and not forbidding matri-/patriarchs under whose shadow you must cower and throw offerings.

Actually Grandma Mariano was, by all accounts, the (much, much) less forbidding and stern of the two grandmothers, but she died when I was eight, so my memories of her are murky.

Wasn't she lovely? (That's my mom on the right.) I have many pictures of her, and she's gorgeous in all of them. ( have no pictures of Grandma Bradley, strangely. Although she didn't cast a reflection, so maybe that's why? And every time we tried to capture her image our camera burst into flames? I have to look into that.)

My most vivid memory of Grandma Mariano is sitting in the passenger seat of her car as she drove the wrong way down the one-way exit/entrance to my sister's high school. I remember a lot of people shouting and running out of the way. She seemed unconcerned.

I am told she did that sort of thing quite a bit.

I have also been told that instead of using the phrase, "I'll treat you," or "it's on me," she would say, "I'll blow you." Now, apparently this was some sort of vernacular in her day (I HOPE), but not the sort of thing you want to hear out of your grandma's mouth. My sister still talks about how mortifying it was to have her grandma utter the words "Let's go out for ice cream! I'll blow you!" in front of a whole bunch of teenagers who had wandered outside to see who had driven the wrong way into the parking lot and caused all the ensuing chaos.

Oh, how I wish I could remember that part.

Comments

[Another Anna]

When I worked at a store, a lovely elderly man would come in for a chat every day on his way around the block with his wife's little white dog. They were a very sweet couple, and she was bedridden with cancer. One day, the dog was freshly groomed, so I mentioned how pretty it looked and this fellow said, "Yes, I just took him in for a shampoo and a blow job! He loves it!" My coworkers and I nodded and smiled and tried to maintain our shopkeeperly composure until he left. We didn't completely stop tittering until the end of the day.

[Katy]

Oh how I laugh at both you and your readers! I had a Ghingaw (GEEN-gaw) because my brother (now a voice-over artist, ironically) couldn't say Grandma. We have discussed what my 2 currently-gestating nephews/nieces will call our parents and have come up with some humdingers. The running favorites are Big Nanny and Dumbass, with my father laying claim on Big Nanny. Alternately, I'm lobbying for BingBong and NungNung. Not sure who will be which, but either way, they're fun to yell when I call home.

[Dana]

I feel guilty laughing -- because it's just so heartbreaking that you don't have warm, fuzzy memories of your grandparents. You're so terribly sweet that I'd gladly share some of my grandmother with you. She has lots of love to give and she has ginormous breasts so when she hugs it's like burying your head in warm pillows. Wanna come with me the next time I visit? I'm sure she'd give you a hug and make you a heaping plate of homemade gnocchis. Or perogies. Your call.

[Cookie]

My sister and I always call my father's mom »Nana HerTown« when we talk about her (if she were living in York it would be Nana York), and otherwise Nana.My mother's mother was usually just Nana, unless we wanted to make the distinction between the two, she then became »Nana HerTown«, too (another town, obviously). But since she died last year we've slowly started to adopt the name my mother and her siblings as well as my grandpa use, which is a softened version of »mother« I'm unable to translate adequately from German.I miss her a lot. She also made special cookies, not because she left out sugar but because she didn't like using recipies so much, so you never knew what you would get. Her Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte (Blackforest Cherrycake?) was amazing, though. Guess she knew that one by heart :)

[Cincy]

Wow. I am so sick today, but you made me laugh so hard. Thank you!

[Nora]

Instead of threatening to spank us, my mom used to yell, "I'm gonna swat your twat!"

Sadly, I clued her in when junior high expanded my vocabulary, and she will never say that to her grandchildren. I really should have thought that through.

[Sara]

So this isn't a grandmother story, but it is a mother story. One of my sisters and my parents were visiting me one weekend in college. We were all taking a walk around a lake, our parents a few yards behind us, when my mom yelled to us to "Whack off over there".

After laughing our heads off, we asked our mother what she meant. Apparently it's an old phrase for sit down over there or something like that. My sister explained to her what it meant to us and why we found it hilarious.

Ah, family.

[Vanessa]

My dad called my great-grandmother "Tassie" when he was a toddler, and for the next 45 years (she lived into her 90s), that's how everyone in the family, including her own daughter, addressed her. From that, I learned that you've got to pick a grandparent name you can live with, because you may be living with it for a long, long time.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my mother thought she wanted to be called Granny, like her own beloved grandmother, until she realized that Granny sounded overly decrepit for a 48-year-old woman. (I'm 38 and can't imagine being called Granny in another 10 years, so I have to agree with her there.) It got softened to Grammy, which I think sounds kind of nice, almost like it could be a real name. Or an award. :)

[adhocmom]

Have been meaning to write my grandmother FOREVER.x,Pwww.adhocmom.com

[Mary Anne]

Wonderful story Alice - actually cried thinking of my Mom. As they say - thanks for the memories sweetie - and yes you do look a lot like her. Love you. Your mom

[Daily Cup of Jo]

Oh thank you. I just laughed out loud.

[Mimi]

My Grandma Mary Jane, then 73 y.o., was dancing and enjoying my wedding, when my sister asked her, "Grandma, are you tired?". Grandma replied in her gravelly Kentucky accent, "Honey, I'm not tired...I'm HAMMERED!" Go, Grandma!

She's a great-grandma now so we call her G.G. (Gigi). Can't wait to see her soon and listen to all her great stories about growing up in a Kentucky coal town, daughter of the town doctor. Awesome stuff.

[TheOhanaMama]

Oh my god, that was funny. Thanks for that! I'm still laughing....

[Unplanned Cooking]

That gave me a good laugh. Did your Grandma ever catch on?

[Fawn]

I can't believe only one other person commented on how your face is the spitting image of your Grandma Mariano's. Cut her hair short and make it darker and that would be YOU!

Also: No reflection? Bwahahahahahaha!!!!

[Sara]

OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA that was freakin hilarious. Let's do coffee. Come on. ILL BLOW YOU. OH WOW HAHAHAHAHA I cracked up!

[Alexandra]

Oh..Oh! OH! I don't think I've laughed that hard in forever.

"Come on, I'll blow you!"

I'll be reading that all day today.

Thank you!!

[Ptolemy02.blogspot.com]

We waited FOREVER for my son to talk at all and name his grandmother... We suggested all sorts of things... And then, when he finally talked (over age 2), she was named "Ooma" with "Oompa" for the matching grandfather... Totally his idea! Turns out, there's a similar word in German that actually means grandmother! We're definitely not German, so it's a complete mystery!

[Elizabeth]

My maternal grandparents, the ones who are still alive, have always been Grandma and Grandpa + First Name. My paternal grandmother was Tita (short for Teresita) and paternal grandpa was Papa Matilde...and they really were the warm, awesome, magnificent grandparents and not scary or matriarchal or imposing in any way. They were the ones who at age 70-something until their death in 2003 told us stories and hugged us and held us close and let us hold them close. My grandmother played with us and helped us make props so we could act out plays and my grandfather, though he could barely walk, helped us hide when playing hide-and-seek. Maybe calling your grandparents by a special name is obnoxious to some people, but I think if my son tried calling my mom Abuelita Aguirre instead of Grandma Ginia (short for Virginia), she might pass out!

[Sophie]

Big Nanny and Dumbass! This is making me so happy.

[Darra]

I have a collection of Christmas stories, one of which takes place around your grandmother's time, and the phrase "I'll blow you" is used a *ton* by a playboy character in the story. I kind of figured out what it meant, but I've never seen or heard it anywhere else.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

Well, that explains a lot...Hysterical!And great photo.

[James]

You know, I still have dreams about Grandma and Grandpa Mariano all the time. I miss them very much.

[Erika]

"I'll blow you" is fantastic. The only other place I've heard it is in Death of a Salesman, where Linda tells Willie (tee-hee) that the boys are going to "blow you to a big meal!" He's very excited about it and repeats it several times. Thanks for this story.

[Becky]

We had to go with Grandma/Grandpa [firstname] because divorce and longevity. The original Grandma/Grandpa [lastname]'s just refused to die and give over the titles. add in a remarriage, and we would have had 3 Grandma [samelastnames].