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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« EIGHT | Main | Over here »
Monday
Sep272010

Look, everyone, it's my hair. (Yawn.)

All right, all right.


Listen, I didn't really want to put up pictures because I'm pretty sure someone's going to get all mad about my stupid face. I don't take these comments seriously, as I am perfectly aware that I am a vision, but it does give me pause. My appearance seems to anger people so. You may recall--and if you don't I will remind you--that last year, when I was on the Today show, a thoughtful reader told me that all she could see was my "enormous ass and teeth."


Well!


But this is only my hair, so at least you will all be spared my ass. And of course the teeth. The misshapen, unfortunate teeth.


The first thing I learned, while trying to take pictures of my gray hairs, is that it's harder than it seems like it should be. The light in my bathroom's all buttery and lovely but it doesn't work when you're trying to show the horrible divide between the graying roots and the oxidizing awful of the rest of it. Here's my first try. Where are the gray hairs? They're right...right there! Oh, can't you see?!


Okay, seriously? This color is all wrong


A little closer, reluctantly. I wasn't really anticipating a close-up.


It's grayer than it looks, here


Okay, look over here, it's really gray--no? Crap. It really is. Damn it.


There! Gray hairs!


Fine, I'll lower my head. THERE. Now do you see?


There it is! White!


Here's the back of the head (look, you people asked for these), where you can't see anything at all. Take my word for it, it's gray. Darker than the front, but definitely a steel-gray kind of thing.


Back is darker, but definitely gray


The other side. Because my hair is longer on top than the sides, the gray's way more apparent around the ears. Which I like to think makes it look like I have a coppery toupee squatting on my head.


It appears that I'm wearing an orange toupee on top of my gray hair, but I assure you I am not


Now I'm looking up even more. I'm so whimsical!


Preparing for the Rapture


In my zeal to expose the white-ness of my roots, this happened.


Now I'm just getting silly


This is the kind of hair I have: I can yank my hair upward, and it stays. This is an advantage for silly pictures and/or to amuse my son when he's crying, and a disadvantage every morning, in that I wake up with the craziest bedhead ever and if I forget and answer the door, I terrify the meter reader. Jealous?


Sarah Brown, I'm having a medieval tapestry moment!


Now I'm just making faces. But look, in this mirror, you can see the gray hair a little more clearly.


I'm squinching up my face, and I do not know why


I am the epitome of loveliness.


This is my prettiest face ever


Finally, just to piss people off: my butt. Sweet fancy Moses, how did anyone let me on television?!


And now, just for the hell of it, my ass


No! No, not the teeth! OH GOD CLOSE THE MOUTH CLOSE IT


Taking pictures of yourself in the bathroom can be fun

Reader Comments (129)

The teeth-and-butt-comment lady must just have been jealous. Keep rockin' it.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLori
You look mighty fine!
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCori
How has NO ONE brought up your sexy, sexy resemblance to Morrissey circa 1987 in those bottom two close ups? You should rename this post "Everyday is like Sunday". Or something. ;)
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKrystyn
You are beautiful.

And I'd kill to be able to rock your hair style.

And your teeth.

(which sounds a little creepy, but heck, I've got bucky beaver teeth so I covet everyone's teeth as long as they aren't bigger than mine.)
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRedneck Mommy
Lovely. So lovely. Celebrate the hair!
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLivewithFlair
For what it's worth, I think it looks great.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana Damico
You are really really beautiful, Alice.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKat
I think you are so beautiful.

Everyone can see it for themselves in that last picture.

You are beautiful.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra
People are assholes (although not those that have commented today, they are all lovely). Lovely also are your teeth, your ass, and your weird hair that doesn't really look that weird yet I can totally see how you feel like it looks weird hair. Lovely.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeegan
Nice ass.

(someone had to say it.)
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJen
Ha. Before I read one single word of your post I glimpsed the photo of your body and was already composing a jealous, snitty post about how do you have such a great body when I don't and it's not fair.

So whoever left that horrible comment about your ass and teeth can suck it, IMO.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaria
Dude.

No 'Flock of Segulls' hairdos?

I am so disappointed in you.

Sigh.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLoralee
You? Are hilarious! And pretty!
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersandee
Your hair looks cool! You're rockin' the new gray.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternova
Clearly you just need to stay in the warm buttery light of the bathroom until it all grows out.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershriek house
You are a vision of female pulchritude and never should you believe otherwise. What butt? I should have such a butt.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJulie
You, your grey hair, and your non-existent butt are all absolutely adorable. And don't let anyone ever tell you different.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBadger
You look perfect. I wish my hair did that.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. G
Oh! I love your haircut so much!
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBrigid Keely
I <3 you. :-)
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandriash
I understand your situation completely. I have shoulder length hair with roots that require a lot of attention.Lord knows what my hair would look like in an unadulterated form.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mayor
You are the cutest.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAngella
When I first read it, I thought you wrote "enormous ass teeth"--and I thought, Alice does NOT have enormous ass teeth. That's just ridiculous. Nor do you have an enormous ass. And you look beautiful.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIlsa
That last pic is gorgeous! Totally agree with Marcy that your hair does indeed look like a "look" and the fact that you chronicle this on the interwebs is doing a public service for anyone (all of us) who have ever questioned their awesomeness.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKirsten Kolding
I am pretty sure that grey at the temples means you are Distinguished. Also Dapper. Debonair? All of those.

And the mean commenters hate my teeth too! Why the tooth obsession? Maybe they're a sinister cabal of blog-reading dentists.
September 27, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexa

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